Dream Land.

Sleep, Go To Sleep

2009-06-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

I promised myself that tonight I would get to bed at a reasonable time. Of course, compared to how I've been doing, a reasonable time might mean 3 in the morning.

Who knows. (Google knows.)

10 thoughts I had today in chronological order:

1. Did my mom really just bring me fish wrapped in bacon?

2. Yes, she did.

3. El Rincon's bean and cheese burrito reminds me of Sunshine.

4. My aunt Monique resembles the stray cat she hangs out with on the front porch.

5. Its difficult to make Lauren Tucker a mix CD.

6. Life is less joyful when you run out of toothpaste.

7. Am I still funny?

8. Why can't I go on living life happily even without eyeliner?

9. When everything else seems a little shabby, a cool summer night in the valley stands tall and proud.

10. Can I kill that cockroach with this hairspray?

P.S. that didn't work.

Who Wants Ambien?

2009-06-21T03:21:00.001-07:00

I can't sleep. I guess I'm on some sort of train of thought and I am nowhere near my destination, therefore, I cannot get off. So what do I do? Well, I get up, turn my lamp on and awaken my computer. Starting with signing on to the internet, I find my new favorite blog, get to the page I'm on, put some Bat For Lashes (pictured above) on my iTunes, and read where I left off. What will I do when I'm finished reading his blog? Let's hope another blog finds its way to me so I can keep learning and pushing forward in my quest for finding interesting people out there in the world. I think knowing them even in this small way makes me cooler. A little bit?

So, in reading my friend's blog, I stumbled upon this. God. Is. Amazing.

He titled it "This Is The First Day of My Life" and uploaded this picture:

The Physiology of Human Development

Conception: Father’s sperm penetrates mother’s egg cell. Genetic instructions from both parents interact the being a new and uniqe individual who is no bigger than a grain of sugar.

Day 1: The first cell divides into two, the two into four, and so on.

Day 5-9: The new individual implants in the mother’s womb. The baby’s sex can already be determined.

Day 14: Mother’s normal menstrual period is suppressed by a hormone produced by her child.

Day 18: The heart is forming. Soon the eyes start to develop.

Day 20: The beginnings of the brain, spinal cord, and nervous system are laid.

Day 24: The heart begins to beat.

Day 28: Muscles are developing along the future spine.

Day 30: The child in utero has grown 10,000 times to 6-7mm (1/4 inch) long. The brain has human proportions. Blood flows in the veins and is separate from the mother’s blood supply.

Day 35: The pituitary gland in the brain is forming. Mouth, ears and nose are taking shape.

Day 40: The heart’s energy output is 20 percent of the adult output.

Day 42: The skeleton is formed. The brain coordinates movement of the muscles and organs. Reflex responses have begun. The penis has begun to form in male infants. The mother misses her second period.

Day 43 (1 1/2 months): Brain waves can be recorded.

Day 45: Spontaneous movements have begun, and the teeth are developing.

7 Weeks: Lips are sensitive to touch, and the ears may already be taking the family shape.

8 Weeks: The child is well-proportioned, a small-scale baby: 3cm (1 1/8 inches) sitting up, and a gram (1/30 oz) in weight. Every organ is present. The heart beats sturdily; the stomach produces digestive juices; the liver makes blood cells; the kidneys begin to function; the taste buds are forming.

8 1/2 Weeks: Fingerprints are being engraved. They will grow larger, but they are unique and will never change. The eyelids and palms of the hands are sensitive to touch.

9 Weeks: The child will bend fingers around an object placed in the palm. Thumb-sucking begins. Fingernails are forming.

10 Weeks: The body is sensitive to touch. The child squints, swallows, furrows his or her brow, and frowns.

11 Weeks: The baby urinates and makes complex facial expressions, even smiling.

12 Weeks: The baby is capable of vigorous activity. He or she can kick, turn feet, curl and fan toes, make a fist, move thumbs, bend wrists, turn the head, open the mouth, and press the lips tightly together. Breathing has begun.

13 Weeks (End of the First Trimester): The baby is prettier, and the facial expression resembles the parents’. Movements are graceful, reflexes vigorous. The vocal cords are formed, although without air the baby cannot cry. The sex organs are apparent.

4 Months: The baby can grasp with his or her hands, swim, and turn somersaults.

4-5 Months: The mother first feels the baby move.

5 Months: Sleeping habits are noticeable. A slammed door will result in activity. The child responds to sounds in frequencies too high of low for adults to hear.

6 Months (End of the Second Trimester): Fine hair grows on the eyebrows and head. Eyelash fringe appears. The baby’s weight is about 640 g (1 lb, 6oz), and height is 23 cm (9 inches). Babies born at this age have survived.

7 Months: Eyeteeth are present. Eyelids open and close. Eyes look around. Hands grip strongly. The mother’s voice is heard and recognized.

8 Months: Weight increases by 1 kg (over 2 lbs), and the baby’s quarters get very cramped.

9 Months: The child triggers labor, and birth occurs, usually 255-275 days after conception. Of the 45 generations of cell divisions before adulthood, 41 have taken place. Four more will come during the rest of childhood and adolescence.

From Ethics for a Brave New World by Feinberg & Feinberg

The Near Future.

2009-06-20T03:50:00.001-07:00

This is the first all-nighter of many this summer. Why I haven't been able to successfully make myself stay up all night yet in the month and some odd that I've been home is beyond me. (beyond everything.)

My ears are ringing with the sounds of everything sparkly, heavy, and melodic. Seriously, I think the combination of Adrian Martinez (well, by help of his blog) and 4AM is the secret to finding the best tunes in this world or the next and one after. I am in a jam band daze. And I've noticed that I'm slowly moving away from slower, more harmonized music like Fleet Foxes and Andrew Bird and turning towards the loud and delightful, feet-stomping music like The Asteroids Galaxy Tour, the Plasticines, the Sounds, and Razorlight. These and many more are just blowing my mind right now. Consider your(future)self educated about these and more; a playlist is coming soon.

Here I am, Brooklyn Wagner, and I've come to do what I do. Make a list.

"Things I am going to do in the near future."

1. Get second piercings in my ears.

2. Have a mother F&$*%7#@ tea party!

3. Not curse.

4. Learn how to make my grandmother's lasagna.

5. See the movie Harold and Maude.

6. Take my driver's test

7. See Away We Go <3

8. Buy me a pair of Skullcandy headphones.

9. Get some fabric (sewing adventures!)

10. Go to salvation mountain with courtney and WHOEVER else wants to come.

11. And, of course, pay a visit to Pondo. :)

I'm gonna work hard to make all these (and more) happen. Check ya's later, sugar tits.

It Makes Me Want To Dance

2009-06-20T03:40:00.000-07:00

You'll see.

Guffaws and Winnie the Pooh laughs.

2009-06-08T02:45:00.000-07:00

(A very early morning conversation between Adam and I only a few minutes ago.)

lightsandtrees: OMG I JUST ABOUT HAD A HEARTATTACK RIGHT NOW

adamp1989: O_O_O

lightsandtrees: AND THAT IS TWO WORDS. HEART ATTACK.

adamp1989: dont die

adamp1989: hahahahah

lightsandtrees: haha okay well apparently.

the lights. in the bathroom. have been changed.

lightsandtrees: hahaha

adamp1989: ???

adamp1989: is that....code?

adamp1989: the rug in the bedroom has been beaten clean?

And yes, that is me above. Actually lol-ing from this.

An abundance of things!

2009-06-08T01:02:00.000-07:00

(found this one today at whatgoogleknows.com. Go if you know what's good for you. Google does.)

Okay, so seriously there is so much I could blog about right now.

I could list those things. But then. Well. I don't want to because it would ruin the surprise! Because I know all of you open my page and are like OH LORD WHAT! STOP THE GRAVY TRAIN, THIS SURPRISE WAS A DOOZY.

Is what you think. And feel. (I have the song "Electric Feel" by MGMT stuck in my head.)

A little fyi about me, I am a list maker. If you didn't know that already. Also, I am very similar to mitchell davis. MMITCHELLDAVISS. If you didn't know that already, too.

This will be one of those blogs where I say nothing in particular about anything, and therein lies the true essence of my thought process. Oh, what do they call it? Well, it's some really smart term. My friend Adam calls it "Verbal Diarrhea" however, I would not say that's what I do exactly. It's a stream of consciousness out loud. It's whats going on inside my head, thought after thought, in order, just eloquently phrased. I think it, I say it. I'm skilled and hardly even sound like a fool anymore. (not.) Its what I do best. (ha.)

(I tried googling it, okay.)

I'm probably going to stay up all night. Again. I do this a lot. But when it has nothing to do with Finalz WeEk, then I'm okay. (I still hate you finals week. But we'll see how things turn out in the fall when I kick your ass-looking face and I shake all your babies.)

(I'm not violent.)

I'm a professional, I think.

2009-06-06T16:21:00.000-07:00

And this was a while ago, too. I'm at 548 now...

See, Carynn. PROOOOFZ.

Nearly Ideal.

2009-06-05T14:47:00.001-07:00

I stole this idea from my friend Rachel. And while I only did a guesstimate to where my ears actually are, I'm pretty sure I got it close to right.

My facial beauty is a 9.34. Apparently, I'm close to the idea of what a woman's face should be like. Riiiiight.

All the things that make you melt.

2009-06-04T16:24:00.000-07:00

(Instax photos taken by Jennie May Lawson, from Jennie and Mark photography. Find more here! http://www.myspace.com/jennieandmarkphotography)

Today feels like a new day. I'm not entirely sure why. This may be due to the fact that I did not sleep a wink last night as I finished editing a 30 minute video for a couple of my friends for their economics class in high school. It took nearly three hours to process. And 15 minutes to burn. -_- Anything to help them graduate. (Sidenote: iMovie, you are a huge B word. HUGE.) Or maybe its because I had a rather large mug of coffee as soon as I woke up from the whole attempt at "catching up on sleep" thing this afternoon. However, as my best friend so wisely says, "There's no such thing as catching up on sleep." Really, there isn't. But there is sleep. Just at a different time. Or for a longer amount of time. Which I definitely accomplished, I think. Maybe the new day feeling is due to those two ibuprofen's my grandmother so graciously offered me today along with the coffee. I do know that this feeling is not because of the atrocious meal of hot cheeto's that I had last night. But I do know that for feeling like a new day, it's rather late in the day to even be saying this. Maybe tomorrow can be a new day, too.

Also, I'm thinking about breaking the house phone. I don't know who you are person calling from the ACLU and whoever it is trying to sell us insurance. Stop calling. We don't like you.

If I Could Say The F Word.

2009-06-01T02:22:00.000-07:00

I totally would right now. Well, I mean I CAN say it, but I shouldn't.

Why does such a fun word that seems to just roll off the tongue and express the emotion so clearly, have to be so bad.

Don't worry. I know. I won't say it. It's bad.

BUT THIS ISN'T OMGZ LOLZ!

PEOPLE, SERUSLEE. WE HAVE A POSSIBLE POTUS 111 ON OUR HANDS. (Quote: Eagle Eye. See it, B*&$^.)

This picture made my night. Perhaps even my tomorrow. I found it whiles reading through the archives of the ever spirited Katy Perry. Go! Read! Here!

I never really thought I'd ever be a fan of Kitty. Not ever. But, I kind of like how she thinks. I feel like we'd have really good conversations. Also, I wish I was brave enough to have the style that she decides to have. Its insane and silly and incredible. That's what I think anyway.

Tonight, I downloaded some music. Its new, its good, go get it.

- The Asteroids Galaxy Tour and their EP "Around The Bend" (I actually heard about this from Katy Perry's blogstylings.)

- "Nighty Night (Strings Mix)" by Jenny Owen Youngs (Get "Led To The Sea" while you're at it.)

- "Turn to Stone" by Ingrid Michaelson (This is actually from the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. Which just so happens to be the only episode I saw. Thank you murrbee.)

- "1234 (Van She Remix)" by Feist (I know this song is rather old, but you have to admit, a good remix can spice any ol' song up. Especially a Feist song.)

- "While We Go Dancing" by White Rabbits (yeah, you'll wish you were somewhere dancing to this.)

- "Come As You Were" by The Bird and the Bee

- "Toy Baby Grand" by Boy In Static

- "Harold T. Wilkins" by Fanfarlo (I like this name. I must meet someone named this.)

- "I Lust U" by Neon Neon (This is so. Just. Neon.)

Okay, you have your orders. Now go, dudes and gentleladies.

Facebook Chat.

2009-05-30T01:30:00.000-07:00

A conversation between the bestie and I.

Marybeth

okay im back

i got like everything!

1:10amBrooklyn

wow.

hahah

everything!

even a puppie.

1:16amMarybeth

i got 7 puppies

1:16amBrooklyn

gimme one

1:17amMarybeth

1:17amBrooklyn

can i have one?

1:17amMarybeth

1:17amBrooklyn

i'll give you a doll

1:18amMarybeth

thats not a fair trade

1:19amBrooklyn

its lifesize

1:19amMarybeth

i don't think so..

1:19amBrooklyn

i know so.

1:20amMarybeth

we;ll see about that

1:22amBrooklyn

can i have one?

1:23amMarybeth

ummm

it depends

1:23amBrooklyn

on what, please tellem me!

1:24amMarybeth

if any of them like you

1:24amBrooklyn

how do we tell?

1:25amMarybeth

i really wish we were talking about real puppies hahahah

1:25amBrooklyn

me too. i also wish you'd freaking get on second life once in a while and tell me when you do so i can give you hairs.

1:25amMarybeth

hahah okay

1:26amBrooklyn

and i wish pimples werent real.

1:26amMarybeth

me too!

Sincerest Apologies

2009-05-29T14:45:00.001-07:00

Not gonna lie.

I forgot all about you. About "blogging" and blogspot. About the fact that I actually had somewhere to release all my thoughts out there into the interwebz kingdom, any fleeting thought my heart could muster.

I'm so glad today of all days, I remembered you. I thank Real Simple magazine for that.

I won't explain why. Just know that I attribute much of my success and happiness to that 100+ paged wonder.

Well, when I was younger and used to journal a lot, I would sometimes forget about my journals for a week or so (yes, this is a long running habit), I would come back to them, purple gel pen in hand, and make a "Quick Summary Type Thing!" I'm not entirely sure I even knew what summary meant back then, but I needed something to help me get all my thoughts out in a short amount of time. Otherwise, who knows, my brain might have exploded. At least I felt like it. And because this is a part of me, of my past, I refuse to correct the name of the tool I used to, really, keep my self from going nuts. (Even though I really just recording my thoughts for myself.)

So, for old time's sake, here is yet another Quick Summary Type Thing!

I graduated. Wait, no. I didn't. I left school. Steffanie graduated. With her Masters degree in Counseling Ministries. Her parents were there. I really missed them. I'm a regular student again. No academic probation. I have really hard classes next semester. Ask me, I'll name them. 18 Units, I've never had that many at once. I packed up my things and moved out of the apartment. I went on choir tour. Arizona sucks. Prescott doesn't. But the rest of it does. Weird things happened over tour. It was hot. Very hot. Lake Havasu was actually Lake Hava-heat-stroke. I blame the weird things on the heat. And our bus driver, Chuck. We drove over the London Bridge. I saw where Brad cheated on Jennifer. Angela said it was the highlight of her life. Star laughed. Las Vegas was incredibly dirty. I saw boobs. And Cher. But not Cher's boobs. The Bellagio water show thing was amazing. I saw the worlds largest chocolate waterfall. I thought I was about to meet Willy Wonka. I saw baby ducks. Liz got shingles. She didn't sing for most of tour. Another girl had a breakdown. Another had a tear in her intestines. I got to stay with her in a mobile home that smelled like a litter box, old people, and cigarette smoke. Cigarette means little cigar. I febrezed the entire house, everything that was fabric got ten douses. And I even sprayed the television. It looked smelly. My favorite host home was with a jewish lady originally from New York who said the worst mistake of her life was moving to Las Vegas. She loved me. I mean, really. I think I'm in her will now. I think I'm in all my host families' wills now. I just had a good time with them. I never want to ride in a bus again. However, I don't think that is avoidable for some reason. I'm home now. My aunt and Uncle moved into our house. I would attempt to summarize that, but it might involve me getting incredibly angry at the fact that they are horrible people that take advantage of my grandparents which makes me want to get all Wrath of GOD on their asses. Pardon my french. Or english. Anyway. I'm re-decorating my room. I'm not entirely set on the colors, I keep going back and forth between two combinations. Wish me luck. I talked to Nora today for the first time in months. My mom flew to Pittsburgh to be with an ex-boyfriend. My friends Courtney and Alisha's mom is not doing well in her final battle with cancer. Courtney Stewart is graduating from high school soon. Courtney Watson is in Russia. I miss her and Steffanie terribly. They're moving soon. I miss my friends from school. I need to dye my hair. Marybeth leaves for Pondo on Tuesday. I'm sad that Mo didn't call me back in time. I'm sad she sucks at her job. I don't mean that. I'm probably starting some summer school classes soon. I just had some really good coffee.

And now I need to take a shower.

Well, that basically brings you up to date on things. I may very well expound on some of these things very very soon. Maybe I will post a link to some Choir Tour pictures so you can see all these things and people I'm talking about.

And While I'm At It.

2009-04-22T00:58:00.001-07:00

So over the past year or so, I've been accumulating a number of things in my fave's folder. A list in particular of things I want to buy. I went through this list of sites, got rid of a bunch of things, and added a few.

So I decided to come here and post some of the things that I want. If I had the money...

Well, I'd give it away. I don't deserve these things. This is my materialistic fleshy worldly part of me talking. I gotta let it talk sometimes.. or it just might act.

1. This sweater is incredibly comfortable. I have one in brown already. :O

2. I LOVE Sunglasses. These in "wine" please.

3. I know, it's hand cream. Seriously, folks. You don't know until you try.

4. Because I like bunnies. And this just. Appeals to me for some reason. Also, roll over the image for a real happy guy.

5. I've been trying since summer of '07 to get me one of these shirts from Threadless.

6. Multiple people have shown me these saying that they remind them of me. How could they not.

7. Maybe not this one exactly, but something like it.

8. Mostly because the scroll ball on the mouse I have stopped working.

9. Eff wires and cords.

10. This dream I will make a reality, no matter how long it takes.

11. This dream... well. We'll see.

12. I want this, its genius. But I'd have to buy like ten of them. -_-

13. This is awesome because I don't really like more cake than a cupcake's size at one time. And its perdy.

14. Why don't I own this??

15. Like I said.. love sunglasses.

16. FINALLY. One that doesn't look all shiny, silver, and azn. I need vintage, I need vintage.

17. This. Is. Beautiful. If they use cameras in heaven, they use these.

18. Haven't really been into scarves lately, but this one can bring me back. :D

19. Planning ahead, really. This looks marvelous.

20. Wow. Can you say Eddie Scissorhands?

21. I'll need that above for THIS.

A girl can dream.

That's all for now, I could probably go on forever. Internet shopping and I are past lovers.

It's Holy, It's Living, It's Got Lined Margins!

2009-04-21T23:55:00.000-07:00

THIS is that Bible that I mentioned before on my list of things to buy for choir tour. I know, I have plenty of Bibles. Almost a whole bookshelf, actually.

However, I have not found one so "me" ever in my life. Its everything I need. Plus a journal.

Look at the INSIDE.

One happy customer said: "If you're expecting a "Moleskine Bible", you'll probably love it."

HELL YES.

Wait, I probably shouldn't say that. In this particular blog post. (Or perhaps ever.)

The World's First Twitter.

2009-04-21T23:40:00.001-07:00

Myspace bulletins. People said everything in those.

I just posted one. Here is what it said (since none of you actually read those much less have myspace accounts.)

"wow, i haven't posted a bulletin in a long time.

The world's first tweet. Here I am myspace, those of you who are listening.

Thanks for sticking around, keeping this place alive.

I'm sad to see it dwindle so.

It just needs a new look. Not a new homepage layout. And complete redesign. So many ideas, such little power.

At least bulletins don't keep you to a 140 word minimum. I'm so used to abbreviating things these days. Sheesh.

That would have been like 3 or 4 tweets. This feels like Christmas or something!

Or not. Anyways, I still check you everyday, myspace.

I shall not forget you and the role you played in my high school years.

(Man, oh manowitz.)"

The Book Place.

2009-04-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

I got to know the bookstore people much better today. I'm thinking I'll apply for a job.

Not About School

2009-04-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

So, I'm really going to try and not talk about school. Its not the only thing going on in my life.

From this point on, I am not going to bring it up and stress about it. (In this blog post, anyway.)

(Not gonna lie--after I finished typing that last sentence, I sat here for a good six minutes trying to figure out what to talk about. Sad.)

Well, I'm going on tour. Choir tour, but still. I get to travel around in buses, do crazy vocal warm-ups, sing in front of lots of people, eat junk food, and whatever else there is to do on a Baptist University's choir tour. Which isn't much. But I'm extremely excited to go. I KNOW. Me. The girl all year who has been grumbling before each concert, the girl who dropped OUT of choir last year, the girl who wants to throw her choir shoes into the flaming mouth of a shoe-eating dragon. Yes, here I am, proclaiming loud and clear that I am excited for TOUR! Feels good to say it. Not that I've changed my mind about the shoe thing...

Honestly, I wouldn't mind leaving in approximately right now. However, I'm not completely ready, shopping list wise. I still need (Oh, boy, list time!):

- Sham./Conditioner (small bottles, economy size is prohibited.)

- A water bottle (one of the refillable kinds.)

- Tights. Because classy ladies wear tights.

- Hair dye (touch up before we leave.)

- Bleach (yep.)

- tweezers!

- snacks for the bus

- febreze

- Gosmile shiz

- mascara

- seriously good toothpaste. :D

- This FANTASTIC Journal Bible. It's in the CBU bookstore, but it's cheaper here.

- clothes!

And I did need a purse of some kind that is large enough to carry things I need as a "carry-on" of sorts, but that isn't a legitimate weekend bag. Also, the one I use right now gets hooked on my clothes all the time. Its annoying and I can't have it hook on my dress over tour and rip it. I just.. can't take that chance. So I bought this!

And a few more online shopping carts are waiting for me to push their check-out buttons. I just need to wait for the $$$ to be graciously given to me by my grandparents. What would I do without them.

Well, not this, because they bought me this computer.

And now I am off to make posters with Courtney and put them on Steffanie's car! It's her last night working at Barnes and Noble and we're the celebratin' type.

Curse Words.

2009-04-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

I JUST realized HOW much HOMEWORK I have to do this week.
I mean, I would list it, but midway, I might hang myself.

And I don't want to put myself in that kind of danger.

But seriously, Finals kill me. I have SO much to do. MORE than last semester, and I even wrote that hate letter.
And i am using CAPS to express my INSANE FRUSTRATION.

I really do not think I will survive this. If i do, it will be by....i don't know. I might have to sell body parts. Which, scarily, I am actually willing to do.

Like Now? Like Ever.

2009-04-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

So I just posted this entire page of my blog onto a site called Wordle.

Apparently, I have a very limited vocabulary. Or I like similes a lot. I'll go with the latter.

Check this.

It's what all the cool kids did.

2009-04-15T16:04:00.001-07:00

Myspace surveys.

I remember the days when we would all sit around and rad about each others personal lives in the form of surveys. Getting excited when one of the questions would say "Do you lyke some1?" and the person would answer with "Totallee."

Or something like that.

Well, here we are again. I was going through some old myspace blog entries and found a few surveys. I had already filled these out once before, and it was so odd to see how I expressed myself at that time. Strange but good, I was a happy kid. Courtney and I are now going to answer questions about ourselves for no one in particular. Second time can be a charm, too. Enjoy.

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
I could very well say those two words, but... then that would be too obvious.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Let's just say I'm getting to it.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Rolling over verrry slowly in bed. Sunburn fml.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
iChatting it up. And staring out a window.

5. Are you any good at math?
Are you? Is anyone? I might have to go to Calcaholics anonymous someday.

6. Your prom night?
(I thought that said porn night, at first.)

Long time ago. I remember uncomfortable shoes, too much make up, and The Best of Will Ferrell.
(I guess that answer could go for both....O_O)
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
I said Mr. Whitehead here before. I think I will stick with him.

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
No, not yet. Master's Degree, here I come.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Words? Are there words? What is the song?

10. Last thing received in the mail?
A fantastic stack of birthday cards.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
One. Water. However, from three different places.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
All the time, I love doin' that shiz.

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Rebecca "Wait For Me" St. James.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Depends on what beach. The witness protection program talks about that.. there are rules. But I like to draw my name on other things. Like. Everythings.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Wisdom teeth extraction. HOLY CRAP, DRY SOCKET EFFING KILLS.

16. What is out your back door?
About two feet of grass, a brick wall, and then an abundance of old people.

17. Any plans for tonight?
Evan Human's Senior recital, and then.. who knows. Probably more homework. H8.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
I agree with my past opinion. "Never have I ever."

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn?
I don't feel Like i necessarily "received" it. But they tended to just appear out of the blue in our living room around the holidays.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
No, where are they? I don't think I've ever had the option. I blame Obama.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Nope, I just throw them right out to the peasants.

22. Some things you are excited about?
Choir Tour (I KNOW), Finishing this semester, summer time, dinner time.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Jell-no.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
If they are, they've done a good job of keeping it secret.

25. Describe your keychain:
Watch your mouth.

26. Where do you keep your change?
In the future. Far away from fake santa's with bells.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Whenever I'm speaking outloud and heading towards the caf.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
Lustrous and golden.

29. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
Some kinda nasty.

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed. Sometimes people don't know the meaning of quiet.

NUMBER TWO.

My autobiography. Or "Myography" as Courtney so "genius-ly" put it.
Current mood:shoe

Where did you take your default pic?
Somewhere in Riverside, in a building with other children like myself.

What exactly are you wearing right now?
Sweats from choncho. And some AmAppy. And a sunburn from the lord of the underworld.

What is your current problem?
Probz: school, sunburn, intense thirst, poor grammar, hunger, and my constant worried little head.

What makes you most happy?
Printing out a finished essay. And Chipotle. And Courtney/Steffanie time. And John Green's youtube videos. And laughter.

If you could go back in time and change something would you?
Oh, yes indeed. Mostly this entire semester.

Name something obvious about you:
I am a giant. But I don't feel like one. So it's okay.

What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
Blue and Gold Print by Mates of State

Any celeb you would marry?
Zacquisha. (Zac Efron...) And John Krasinski. Or both.

Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Tanner Rollins still lives on as the only person I've ever met with the same birthday as me.

Do you have a crush on someone?
No, I officially do not and do NOT want to. So there.

Ever sang in front of a large audience?
About three times a month this entire school year.

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
All kinds of things. I'm doing the whole Iced Coffee thing as of late.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Actually, I think not. Which is weird, I feel like everyone gets compared to a celeb. Nope, not me.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
Kiddie? Do people still use that term? Yes, I do sometimes. I'm more about reminiscing about what I used to watch as a kid instead of whats out there now. However, I definitely know about it.

Do you speak any other languages?
Yeah, I should probably brush up on my Spanish. For my future carreer. As.. something important and bilingual.

What magazines do you read?
JPG, Real Simple, Cracked. Small Businessman. Entrepreneurs Anonymous.

Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Just that one time as a kid with my Uncle Roy. Never since.

Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
I think this has happened to just about everyone.

Do you ever watch MTV?
Rarely, these days. Wow, how things have changed.

What's something that really annoys you?
Dishonesty. And bad jokes.

**Chapter 1:**

Middle name:
Marlene. Peligroso.

Nickname(s):
Cookie. Berlin. B-land. Brook-E.

Current location:
Up. 215.

Eye color:
poop. (still.)

**Chapter 2:**

Do you live with your parents?
I live with four girls. Who I am not related to. Oh the joys of college.

Do you get along with your parents:
I try. I get along much better from a distance. Over the phone. But when we're in the same house, things tense up a but. Its a small house.

Are your parents married/separated/divorced:
My parents were never married, and my grandparents met when they were ten and never left each others sides.

Do you have any siblings:
Fernanda, my half sister. She's punk. And Mexican.

**Chapter 3:favorite**

Ice cream flavor:
Cinnamon Buns. Thank you Ben. Not you, Jerry. You know what you did.

Season:
Season three, Episode 10.

Shampoo/conditioner:
Or else.

**Chapter 4: Do You**

Sing in the shower:
I sing when I wash my hair, usually something from Rent. And then in the bath, I read. Maybe a humm here and there.

Write on your hand?
Almost everyday. My hand now says "J 138" and "eight"... why, I do not know.

Call people back:
I'm pretty good at this these days.

Believe in love:
Insanely.

Sleep on a certain side of the bed:
In the middle.. its a twin. There is no where else but the middle.

Have any bad habits:
Procrastination. A.k.a. doing this kind of stuff all day. And over-planning my day.

**Chapter 5: Have You Ever**

Broken a bone:
Nope, not ever close. Now i better go knock some wood. (that... is. not. twss.)

Gotten stitches:
Never ever never ever never gonna get it naah nooo no no no never ever. Thats not really a song or anything. I just couldnt stop typing.

Taken painkillers:
Or I would have died that one time, I think.

Gone SCUBA diving:
Why are you yelling?

Been stung by a bee:
All kinds a times. F*** bees.

Thrown up in a restaurant:
"yep.. and it was the last time anyone ever saw Yebber ManJensen." --is what I said the first time. I think I will go with that.

Been to overnight camp:

Been there. Worked it. Hard. Got paid. Left.

Sworn in front of your parents:
Multiple times in front of my mother (I had good reasons) and ONCE in front of my grandmother. Quoting something.

Had detention:
HA!

Been sent to the principal's office:
I don't think I saw the principle once until graduation.

Been called a hoe:
Girls these days. Calling everyone a hoe.

**Chaper 6: Who/What was the last**

Person to text you?
Marbets.

What did it say:
That is confidential information--- OKAY FINE. "Yup, I think she wend on a date :S i guess we're gonna get together tomorrow and talk"

Person to call ?
My good ole Nana :)

Person you hugged:
It would be nice if it were the same person as my first answer. But I think it was Tim Wilson. I need to hug people more often. Eff sunburns.

Person you tackled?:
Liz at Disneyland.

Thing you touched:
The down key.

Thing you ate:
a cold french fry. :(

Thing you drank:
Water from the sink. My organs can handle it.

Thing you said:
"Peligroso es me nombre medio." Yes. Outloud.

and there you have. it.

I know this is long. But it is also worthwhile. You made it! YOU MADE IT TO THE END! High five yourself.

Homework City.

2009-04-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie.

I am incredibly stressed. Like I am pretty much failing at life right now.

And I just want to quit.

I want to give up. Of course, I won't. I WON'T. But geeze, I hate school. Hate it.

Because it's the one thing that defeats me.

I just need Jesus to show up in my room and give me a hug. Thats. All. I. Need.

Twenty.

2009-04-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

I've lived.

Twenty long years.

I mean, when people say that life seems likes its going by so quickly, its only because they're setting it alongside forever. And, of course, there's nothing wrong with that. But another reason is because our memories fail us and we can only really recall various important events in our lives making them seem much shorter than they have been. So just take a moment, sit in silence, and think. Dig out all the memories you can muster from those dimly lit corners of your brain. Think of a day you remember and try to think of every minute that day. Yeah, you probably won't be able to accomplish this, but through this "deep thinking" you may remember moments you thought you'd forgotten forever.

I've been doing this a lot lately. Just last night I had a near three hour conversation with two great friends of mine and I got to retell some high school memories. It's like my brain comes to life when I get to tell my story. All the gears and wheels inside start spinning away and lights are flashing and all the little machine parts are just whirring away while I speak a thousand words a minute.

All this to say... I love my life. Maybe not at this very moment, but when I actually take time to think about my entire life thus far, I am overwhelmed. I have been beyond blessed. And am still being blessed. I can't believe how much growth has happened in my life in the past two or three years. So much change. Not always good change, but generally in the right direction.

So here it goes. The copy cat that lives within me (everyone has one) has decided to jump on the band wagon and follow in the steps of good ole Courtney. She listed those people who have helped mold her into who she is today. She named twenty-two, alphabetically, one for every year she has lived. Here are mine. They are in no particular order, other than the order that they came to mind and/or the order that my fingers decided to type them.

1. Marybeth is my best friend. She is short and she is kind. She is Marzypan. She is my person.

2. Courtney Stewart was a hard shell to crack but I cannot imagine not being her friend. We're friends until our dying day.

3. Alisha Stewart is glamorous and "fab", as she would say. She is courageous and incredibly strong. She made public high school a LOT more enjoyable and entertaining.

4. My first real crush was Michael Thomas. I would not even be a little bit of who I am today, if it were not for this boy. He showed me... comedy. Thank you, good sir.

5. Nikki Freeman was my first friend from my third year of life. She taught me how to ride a bike. When the tree in our front yard got cut down, she moved away. So, whenever I see tree branches being trimmed, I think of her.

6. Courtney Watson is. Braveheart. She is the realest thing I have ever come in contact with. I would not be alive if it were not for her.

7. Steffanie Jarrell is the second half to the Courtney/Steffanie combo. We once talked from when Courtney left for work and until she got off. And we didn't move once. We could probably have conversations like that every single day. :)

8. Yesena, you were my most dangerous friend. You got me into trouble, you taught me lots of cuss words, and you let me taste alcohol. I let you cheat off me on all of our homework and I lied a lot when I was friends with you. That's why I had to break up with you.. so to speak. But still, I would not be mean without our year of friendship.

9. Carly. She was much older than me when we met, but Hamby's brings the most unlikely of friends together. I had the one lonely table in the back of the classroom and she came in and shared it with me all year. She drew cool things and had fancy handwriting. She wore a scrunchy on her upper arm and knew how to serve a volleyball. I wanted to be like her.

10. Justin Thompson. He was my first boy friend. Friend that is a boy. We fought for the title of Valedictorian in 8th grade. I won. He got Salutatorian. Also, you told me about sex, unknowingly, by explaining to me the lyrics of a rap song.

11. Ralphie. Okay, so maybe he was my first friend that was a boy. But I feel like we were more enemies at the time. Nevertheless, our neighborhood would not have been the same without our watergun wars and Mcdonald's toy trading.

12. Lauren Tucker. She was my first college roommate. Also, she was the most rambunctious and difficult child I'd ever met throughout the course of my life. Her first words to me were, "Want to be my best friend?" We were five in Sunday School.

13. Nikki (Howell) Nisly. When I first saw this girl, on a pondo summer camp video, I thought she looked like the COOLEST PERSON EVER. And so I was determined to meet her. I was intimidated by her, but as we got to know each other, it was magic. Turns out, she had flaws and we had similar ones and we both spent two summers talking the crap out of them. haha

14. Nora Serino. I thank Planet Wisdom and V-shatting for our friendship. I'm not sure how to sum up..you. But just know you've molded me. In both good and bad ways. But mostly good.

15. Timmy Shilling. He taught me that there is more to life than Dashboard Confessional.

16. My grandmother. She raised me. She raised the crap out of me. Had I actually been raised by my mother....I would not. Be. Well, I may possibly be dead. So, thanks Nana!

17. My grandfather. He is the father figure in my life. He provides for me, he loves me, and he's shown me how a real man is supposed to be.

18. Liz. She is. Well, she is Liz. She is my second best friend, she drools, she's picky, she yells, and she sings. I like her.

19. Claire. I would not have survived summer school without this girl. While I was trying to save my life and my college education and not get a giant ulcer from all the stress, she managed to make me laugh. A lot.

20. Ben. Well...I liked you first. And maybe it made my Birthday last year a little awkward. But if things had been different, we wouldn't be such great friends now. I miss the old days sometimes, you helped make freshman year what it was.

Thats an extremely small portion. However, if I really get going with this, I will never stop. Next thing you know, I'll be thanking Esmerelda, the 7eleven lady who gives me discounts on nachos.

I think my brain is expanding.

2009-03-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm incredibly upset about this or really even excited, but I can't quite figure out why.

Well, okay. I have a few ideas as to why. But I have to gather my thoughts before I expound on this any further. Just know that an explosion of a blog is coming.

Hold your breath and your fluttery sleeves.

It's time now, to sing out...

2009-03-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

This is what I want to do.

Watch this all day. Be in it? Probably not. But just watch this stuff all day long. Rent or any broadway production for that matter. Please and thank you. I saw this Sunday night because of my immensely fantastic friends Courtney and Steffanie. They took me out for an adventure in San Diego, (thank the Lord the Germans discovered this magical place in 1904) and ended the day with a semi-back row seat to see this. And the entire thing was STILL amazing. My face would have probably been blown clean off had I actually seen it in the front row. So, for that, I believe I owe my friends my life/face. Thank you.

Anyway, on another rather profound note, I have no home.

I came home today for spring break thanks to Marybeth and her trusty red mazda sedan thingy. As soon as I entered my little brown house through the white metal door on the same street I grew up in, I knew something was different. I looked around for a new paint job, I hugged my Nana, I pet the dog, I looked in the fridge. All was the same. Sure, my mother was here, whom I haven't seen since I was a teenager... last January-ish. But still, that wasn't it. My room had a few changes, a moved picture frame, a dusted table top. Everything looked just the way it usually looks when I come home from school. Then suddenly, I sat down in the chair at my desk and took my sunglasses off my head. I realized I wasn't sitting in my bed because it was freshly made. Because I thought that would be rude to ruin it. I thought it would be rude to mess up my own blankets. It was at this moment I realized that I am no longer a member of this household. Sure, I'm still in this family, but in this home, I am just a visitor. Everything felt a little out of reach, a little less mine, a little more someone else's. It felt like I was floating above myself watching everything happen. I was having a conversation with my own mother and it felt like I was getting to know this person I haven't been in years. I felt like the unwelcome prodigal son. Everyone commented on how much I've changed (since January?) and how strange I look. My grandmother dislikes my hair, my big rings, my appearance basically. My mother was total opposite, with her first words being, "Sup-- OMG JUST KIDDING, YOU LOOK LIKE A DIVA!" O_O

Well, yeah. Those were the two things I needed to hear upon entering my home for the first time in months. But I felt it too. I saw the changes in people. My mom is so thin now it's a little frightening. Not unhealthy thin, but my whole life she's been big. And now she's like an actually skinny person. My grandmother is a lot more judgmental than she is on the phone or through texts. Obviously. My grandfather is thankfully the exact same. He is so warm and probably the best grandfather I could ever ask for. I think he's the only one holding me in this house right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and my gramma. A whole lot. But I am an adult now. I feel it. That... thing. That thing that birds feel. That thing that Nelly Furtado felt when she wrote that song "I'm like a bird". That thing that those guys did in the band with the Raybans and the white suits. That thing that kept Alexander Supertramp going. That thing that apparently college is supposed to implant in us. Well, guess what.

I've got the thing. I want independence. I want a job. I want a life of my own. I want to drive wherever my heart desires. I want a man. I want to deal with tough situations. I want to have insurance. I want have the ability to control the temperature on my air conditioner. I want a washer and dryer.

I want to pay rent.

I am twenty years old now as of three days ago. I am both displaced and settled. And I don't know how this can be.

Anger Management Training.

2009-01-12T20:26:00.000-08:00

I am quite upset with myself. Lately, I have come to the realization, slowly but surely, that I am turning into Andy Bernard.

Now, one might argue that I am far too cool and level headed and am rarely a "Yes Man", because, technically, and mainly, I am not a man. Nor have I ever been. But all signs point to this conclusion looking at it from a scientific perspective.

First of all, I have never seen Angela naked. Neither has Andy.

Secondly, I sing in a choir. And at times, I am quite proud of that fact. I have also been known to sing rather loudly and in public, usually disturbing some quiet work place while I continue my harmonization attempts blissfully unaware. Also, I made my own ringtone on iTunes and sometimes I let it play just for people to hear how cool it is...

Thirdly, I caught myself saying "I'm going to punch a wall" today and it was NOT the first time. Honestly, I have felt like sawing off Phyllis's head with a chainsaw before. "Rreeenggeeengengeng."

Fourthly, I change the words of songs to make them say what I want them to say.

Example:

Andy- "Oompa, Loompa, Doompity, Dawsome.."

Me- " Let's get down to business...to defeat... NEWTON."

Fifthly (can I really continue with this -ly business?), I am a huge fan of Tuna.

And last, but not least, (sixthly) I look things up on the "inter-web" all the time.

ALL SIGNS POINT TO ANDREW BERNARD.

And, even though I personally do not like the guy, I cannot seem to escape my fate. However, there are much bigger issues at hand. I am upset with myself, but what if I take it out on someone. Maybe I am also a little like Roy (God forbid) and what if I attack some pedestrians or a 7-Eleven clerk? Should I go to (Anger) Management training? What was it again--Personality Mirroring and Positive Reinforcement? Lord, why am I am the way I...am.

Here is the real nitty gritty. I am trying to stay up with my New Year's goals, and I have hardly begun to get into any of them! Plans are set in motion, but I'm just sitting here! Look how much of the new year is gone already.... TWELVE DAYS. I've got to get going, get up, ACT UP, ACTUAL REALITY, FIGHT--wait. Sorry. I've got rant on the brain. RENT. I MEAN RENT.

WHAT AM I DOOOOING WITH MY LIFE!

(Yes, I am over-reacting, but----HOLY CRAP. "That was an OVER-reaction. Anyone want anything from the kitchen?"-GUESS WHO.)

I know that we are butterflies.

2009-01-09T18:22:00.001-08:00

You probably have no idea how inspiring this photo is to me. So, I'll just tell you.

This photo entitled "My Pet Giraffe" was taken by Kim Smith. I saw a picture of her on Flickr not too long ago holding up an issue of JPG magazine with this photo published in it. I had been looking at her photos for about an hour before that and couldn't believe that she had been published! I felt like I knew her and had just been told right then and there that her photo had been published in a widely-known magazine. Suddenly, I was so excited for her! And since then, I have been determined to work harder and get my photography published in the near future. And JPG magazine is one of the resources that can help make that happen.

So every time I look at this amazing picture, I am reminded that I can do it. I can do what I love doing and be good at it. I can succeed if I just want it bad enough and try. I can break out of all these layers of insecurity and see my potential. I owe all I am and all I do and will ever do to God. Without You, I am nothing.

Also, a few side notes. The song "Cathedrals" = by Joan Osborne = covered by Jump Little Children = both good takes on the song = go LISTEN.

The Fog.

2009-01-09T15:47:00.000-08:00

"My car, my rules." - Meredith from the Office (on the episode "Women's Appreciation" that I am watching. Right. Now.)

Here is my recollection of my journey home last night (It's going to get weird.) :

Last night, I experienced a car ride the likes of which I could never have imagined even whilst sitting on the wildest dream cloud. Steppanie (what I called her during our trial run of the Office board game), Courtney (what the guys at the strip club call her), and Lucy the Puppy (what the "Others" from LOST call her) accompanied me on this car ride. No one could have possibly forseen the occurrences just as much as anyone could have prevented them. The sky was darkened and the night pungent with mischievousness and scandalocity. The air was clouded by the fog of the inland empire's lonely waitresses and ladies of the night dangerous and habit-forming deeds. The steam from the engines of trains blurred our vision as we entered the realm of the freeway spirits. All of us were so drunk with the perfumes of Riverside's night life, we did not notice an addition to our company. A fifth passenger was amongst us in the car, the most powerful of all things. Comedy.

Something happened, I can't remember exactly when. But suddenly, a strange warmth came over all of us, moisture collected on the windows' glassy surfaces and we fell into the deep pool of hilarity and ardent jesting. Once the fever sets in, there's nothing that can be done, but to attempt to stay alive until we have reached the other side... of the freeway. Almost at once, I began to choke on the sweet sting of St. Laughter's marmalade dancing down my throat. Hallucinations began before we could control ourselves and the ghost of Christmas Never joined our party in the form of the reincarnate President Ellis. Upon dismounting his staircase of despair, his native tongue got the best of him as we attempted to persuade him to leave our midst. But no incantation could relieve us of applauding him until he was finished with metaphorically boiling our blood.

After a severe horror shock, the car ride was interrupted by the morally and literally blinded men on the roads out to kill the wild youth. Corruption corrupted the courtesies of couriers and we parted ways. I walked the best of nine steps, we hollered our goodbye's once again, and separately fled into the night. Even fear of not being able to enter my own abode overcame me as I gently trod towards the hearth. Another inhabitant of my home banished my fear even with her vagueness and allowed me to come inside upon bidding me "You got it!" via messaging using text that seemed quite instant, to say the half of it.

A unique night, I must admit. To be truthful, I doubt a night much like this one is not too far off from happening again. My molecules can taste it in the blustery night winds.

Two Thousand Nine

2008-12-18T04:40:00.000-08:00

There are quite a number of things I wish to state as my new year's resolutions and straight up goals for the coming year. I have a lot of them.

1. read 50 books.

2. lose weight (who doesn't.)

3. read a wikipedia entry or encyclopedia entry every day to learn something new

4. read a new work in the dictionary everyday

5. continue learning how to play the piano

6. make good grades

7. get photography published

8. illustrate a children's book

9. make a penpal

10. get a tattoo

11. driver's license

12. get a sweet job

13. do NOT cut hair

14. write a novel

This is all I can think of for now, but I have a lot of pondering ahead of me in the endless hours of nothingness over Christmas break. I can't wait. :D

AW hELLSZ NAh.

2008-12-18T04:38:00.001-08:00

Dear Finals Week,

We've known each other a while now, yes? I realize this, and yet you still never cease to amaze. And by amaze, I mean make me want to jump off a series of cliffs into jagged rocks in a shallow shark infest cesspool. I literally hate you.

I know, I know, I'm irrational. I'm acting on impulse, in the heat of the moment, right in the middle of all you give me.

But while seriously, again. I hate you. I hate you with every little atom in my body. I hate you to the core of the earth and back ninety six trillion times. I hate you like a whole city made of junior mints and mushrooms. I hate you more than an eternity of hearing Quagmire saying "Giggety Giggety" at a very loud volume. I hate you the way I hate Gruntilda, the witch, and her cackle who appears when you try to end Banjo Tooie. I pure, straight hate you. And unlike Mr. Mantooth to Ron Burgandy, I do NOT respect you.

I kind of actually have to respect you, or I won't pass any classes. But literally, I feel like you will be the death of me. I rejoice and long for the day I will never ever ever EVER EVER EVER have to experience you again. I will write you off to the next pour soul who must endure you and I will fight until you are abolished from this planet or at least Cal Baptist.

No, no. Our journey isn't over, finals week. It is far from over. I will conquer you and make you wish you had never been set to test this student at her wit's end. You have not seen the last of me. Not until I have seen the last of you.

After tomorrow, it is goodbye for now. Better rest up before the end of next semester. Have a nice Christmas break.

Sincerely,

Student # 292098

I'll Hold Your Hands

2008-12-13T02:56:00.001-08:00

Today, I gave my presentation in English class concerning my final research paper. I wanted to jump off a cliff, I was so nervous to actually present it.

Here is why. I really have yet to finish it. But somehow, I got away with actually presenting something that technically doesn't exist yet. Completely.

So, yeah. I lied, really. But it felt so so good. To be DONE!

And, to be honest, I was about to lie again. I was going to say that because I presented today on my research topic of Fear-Mongering and the history of propaganda, it got me to thinking about fear and what we fear and what makes us scared or sad. (I say this because, actually, if you think about it, what makes you sad, also you maybe could be kind of afraid of, incredible intense sadness. I don't know anyone who could say they were not afraid of having to experience that, ey.)

But, in all actuality, I just thought of one sad thing tonight while talking to Nora, and then eventually a whole list formed right here in my moleskine.

And here it is. Sad things, part one:

- the word "soon."

- when you find a really good song that is made of the wrong season (e.g. a summery song like "Breeze" by Apollo Sunshine found in the dead of winter.)

- damaged bird feathers just lying on the ground.

- dying flowers (depends on why they are dying, too. or who or what they came from)

- what people in China do to dogs.

- car accidents (never ever happy. ever.)

- having lovely handwriting at most inopportune moments (like right before you go to bed) and knowing that before you can say "caligraphy" your handwriting will be back to its normal boring self.

- listening to music for a long and then turing it off.

- the end of the movie Big Fish

- when you walk into someone else's home and the residents there are fighting and yelling at one another. And you can hear it. And almost feel it.

Can I Do It Again?

2008-12-13T02:32:00.000-08:00

Can I make another Christmas playlist?

Is this allowed?

I'm doing it anyway.

WARNING: There will probably be repeats. This is a revision!

1. All Is Well by Point of Grace

2. Peace Is Here by Jars of Clay

3. Twelve Days Of Christmas by The Andrews Sisters and Bing Crosby

4. Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing by Sufjan Stevens

5. Silent Night by Priscilla Ahn

6. Born To Die by Bebo Norman

7. Frosty the Snowman by Fiona Apple

8. My Only Wish (This Year) by Britney Spears

9. A Charlie Brown Christmas by Vince Guaraldi Trio

10. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Death Cab

11. Believe by Josh Groban

12. It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas by Bing Crosby

13. Sing by Josh Wilson

14. O Holy Night by Celine Dion

15. Christmas In Dixie by Alabama

16. There Is No Christmas Like A Home Christmas by Perry Como and The Ray Charles Singers

17. I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm by Billie Holiday

18. Christmas/ Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

19. God Rest Ya Merry Gentlemen by Decemberadio

20. The Christmas Song by Aimee Mann

21. Winter Wonderland by Tony Bennett

22. Christmas Island by (I have no idea, its from the Elf Soundtrack)

23. Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys

24. The Chipmunk Song by Alvin and the Chipmunks

25. O Come, O Come, Emmanuel by Enya

26. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Judy Garland

27. Holly Jolly Christmas by The Format

28. Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

29. Carol of the Bells by Thrice

30. Mistletoe and Holly by Frank Sinatra

31. Winter Song by Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

32. D0You Hear What I Hear? by Copeland

33. Baby, It's Cold Outside by Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone

34. Sleigh Ride by Johnny Mathis

35. I'll Be Home For Christmas by Holly Conlan

36. Christmas Windows by Youth Group

37. Last Christmas by Jimmy Eat World

38. A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

39. Christmas Offering by Casting Crowns

40. Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt with Henru Rene and His Orchestra

41. Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms and The Anita Kerr Singers

42. Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton

43. Christmas Time Is Here by Diana Krall

44. Little Drummer Boy by The Almost

45. Jingle Bells by Jim Reeves

THERE. There. That is all. Well not all, my real Christmas playlist has 163 songs in it. But these are the creme de la crop.

Reading Fish.

2008-12-03T16:14:00.001-08:00

Okay. I read. I read a lot, actually.

I am about to embark on a journey of reading every classic I can get my hands on. This does not mean I will not be reading other more modern books in between and during.. because everyone knows I love a good memoir perhaps written by someone in/fresh out of rehab? O_0

And as you can see, I am beginning with Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte (sorry, I dont know how to so that "e" with the two dots above it.) Why am I starting with this book of all books? Well for two reasons. 1) I saw it in Barnes and Noble, thought it had a cool cover and just decided to buy it. 2) Because Bella reads it over and over again in the Twilight series and I feel somewhat like Bella at times.

So, why not. I actually had no idea this book had so much criticism surrounding it. The first thirty or so pages of the book are not actually the story, but explanations, introductions, and the like by many people including her sister, Charlotte (author of the first published Jane Eyre.) I also did not know that this book was written so long ago. 1847 to be exact. Emily wrote it right before she died at the age of 30 in 1850, sadly and ironically, from a cold she caught at her brother, Branwell's funeral. People died so young back then. Shout out to modern medicine.

But I digress (I've always wanted to say that.) Here I am, on the brink of Christmas break and I am ready to dive in to what has been called a coarse, pagan, demented, insanely-written, topsy turvy, most confusing novel of all time. I'm so ready.

Here's what I've read so far this year (actually since the beginning of summer, I can't really remember what read before that) and I recommend ALL of them to you. Except one.

1. Paper Towns by John Green

2. A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

3. The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall

4. Crank by Ellen Hopkins

5. Dry by Augusten Burroughs

6. Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

7. Go Ask Alice by (Anonymous, actually.)

8. Twilight by Stephanie Meyers

9. New Moon by Stephanie Meyers

10. Eclipse by Stephanie Meyes

11. Apples by Richard Milward

12. Indecision by I don't care because it was an awful book. (Maybe I will like it later in life.)

13. Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs

14. Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs

15. Pieces by Stephen Chbosky

16. Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

17. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

18. The Little Prince by Antoine Saint Exupery

19. It's Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

20. The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night Time by Mark Haddon

and I will be adding to the list soon with what is waiting to be read on my shelves right now:

22. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

23. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

24. Looking for Alaska by John Green

25. Harry: A History by Melissa Anelli

Also, Hillary just pointed something out to me. The Almost/Aaron Gillespie's band covered the song "The Little Drummer Boy" and Aaron is the drummer for Underoath. How cool is that?

Anyway, got any books to suggest, please do.

How 'bout it?

2008-12-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

A Holiday/Christmas/Winter Wonderful Time Mix?

Sounds like a good idea to me.

1. Do You Hear What I Hear by Copeland

2. Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing by Sufjan Stevens

3. Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

4. A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

5. Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys

6. My Only Wish (This Year) by Britney Spears

7. Christmas Windows by Youth Group

8. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town by Perry Como

9. Silver Bells by Johnny Mathis

10. Little Drummer Boy by The Almost

11. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

12. Silent Night by House of Heroes

13. Carol Of The Bells by August Burns Red

15. Christmas In Dixie by Alabama

16. O Come O Come Emmanuel by Shane and Shane

17. Sing We Now Of Christmas by Barlow Girl

18. All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

19. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by John Mellencamp

20. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Judy Garland

21. Here Comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry

22. Baby, It's Cold Outside by Dean Martin and Doris Day

23. White Christmas by Bing Crosby

24. Carol Of The Bells by The Bird and The Bee

25. Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton

26. Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) by Death Cab For Cutie

27. Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms and The Anita Kerr Singer

28. 12 Days Of Christmas by The Andrews Sister

29. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by *NSYNC

30. The Christmas Song by The Nat King Cole Trio

31. Carol Of The Bells by Thrice

Obviously, I love Carol Of The Bells. I have like 9 versions of it. O_O

ALRIGHT. Get to downloadin' or whatever it is that you do. Just listen.

It's Kind Of A Funny Story

2008-11-10T17:56:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading this last night!

First of all, I had no idea what was in for when I started reading this book.

And I hardly know what to say about it now! SO I'm just going to tell you to head to Barnes and Noble and pick it up. Yes, it is in the young adult fiction section (or something to that effect), but it is not, by any means, childish.

Give this and Ned V. a chance.

GO! NOW.

Directions.

2008-10-31T18:34:00.000-07:00

Where am I taking this blog?

In all kinds of new directions.

But more focused ones.

I've pondered long and often about what I wanted to use to blog specifically for, and I have finally decided. First, I tried to think about things I like, things I know about, things that I could know more about, things that are legitimate, things that are important to me, things that are important to everyone. I want to talk about music, books, and movies. Everyone listens to music or has music in their lives somehow, and everyone watches or at least knows about movies. People, seriously, if you don't read (or don't know how...) please change that a.s.a.p. Certainly there is someone around you who can help with this unfortunate situation, if need be.

I have expounded on these many a time before, but now I am going to concentrate only on these for a while. However, this is not entirely set in stone, I'm just trying it out for now.

What kinds of music and what will I do with it? Just talk about it, relate it to a style, critique it, connect with it and connect others to it. I will make playlists, top 5 lists, any lists! I will go in depth about artists, who sounds like who, who is here and now, who is to come, and who really just needs to go. I feel pretty confident that I can accurately do this and do it good. Yes, I could have said 'well' but the impact of my improper word usage gave the right effect.

Also, books! I read often, and with passion. I love when people recommend books and I'm pretty open to any kind of genre. I will be staying more or less away from the mystery novels that my grandmother reads, unless someone really realllyyyy thinks I need to read it. Personally, I miss Reading Rainbow, and I would like to make that happen again, here and now. There is a YouTube Channel devoted to this very thing, and I plan to take part in video responses there as well. (I might just post them here, actually.)

And finally, movies. New, old, weird, romantic, scary, disney, nickelodeon, indie, musicals, documentaries, Wes Anderson, Wes Craven, rated G and rated R (in most cases). I watch a lot of movies, and feel like all the time devoted to such a thing requires a bit of acknowledgement afterwards. I have a busy brain and a great multitude of thoughts and thought-trains when it comes to movies, and I just feel the need to share them with the world. And those who read this blog, mostly.

So, why am I being so broad. Why was it so hard to think of this? Well, I honestly thought of it right away, but I felt like I could never been good at writing about those things whatsoever. But then I really starting thinking about it, giving it some good quality "lets think about things before we go to sleep" time. And it all just kind of came together. I definitely decided that I'm staying away from celebrity gossip and probably won't deliver a profound blog about fashion or anything pertaining to it.

But music...books...movies. They all flow into each other, one spilling into the next, never-ending. A book is made into a movie in which there is a soundtrack and the music could have been inspired previously by another book or movie and then people buy the soundtrack or download the song and listen to it while they write they own books and screenplays for films. Truthfully, there's hardly a way for one to exist without the other anymore. Or at least be great. I feel a quote coming on.

"Some are born great. Some achieve great. And some have greatness thrust upon them." -Channing Tatum in "She's The Man". I know, I know, lame quote. But it just came to me, I had to let it out!

Seriously, though. I will take each song I hear, movie I see, and book I read and taste it, feel it, get to know it as best as I can. And then share what I've discovered. And yes, I will be rather opinionated. This is a blog and definitely more than entitled to than HERE of all places.

So, here I am world. My new direction is exciting, fresh, undiscovered. I outstretch my arms and run at full speed.

All I Have To Do Is Run My Mouth Off.

2008-10-22T16:48:00.000-07:00

I wanna go on a trip.

I want to leave here even for just a day or two and drive with adventurous intentions.

I want it to be a multitude of us, all with the same goal. Even if that goal is unbeknownst to us.

I would watch the world from inside like a 2 a.m. chinatown bus passenger.

I would take pictures of all the everything's and nothing's so we may remember it all.

Also, that book up there is Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I am about to start reading it again, its that good. I just feel like I didn't get everything out of it that I should have the first time around.

When I'm done, I'm definitely planning to contribute to the WeMissReadingRainbow channel on YouTube and make my own book review. :)

Seared in the Fire of Something New.

2008-10-22T01:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged with quite as much passion as I used to in recent fortnights. My reasons for this are vague and unimportant. The fact of the matter is that I don't wish to waste time in stating all of these reasons when I could very well speak plainly and move beyond.

Also, I did indeed see the film "The Duchess" tonight, and Keira Knightly does tend to get into my head, at which point my words are more hers than mine. This happens all the time, so stop your thinking that this is any extraordinary occurrence. Excuse me while I make myself sound stupid again...

Alrighty. So here's the deal, comrades. I have to write a blog for my Yearbook Midterm. Not just any blog, a blog about something I ACTUALLY LIKE. Not that I am entirely lacking in the hobbies and interests department... It's quite the opposite. I love so many things, and hardly have a focus to speak of. I don't do just any one thing all the time, and much less do it to perfection or excellence. I do all kinds of things so how am I to pick? Well, eff. Let's just say it's going to take a lot of blog hopping and scribbling in my new molesk--- HOLY CRAP.

I definitely forgot to mention that I just started Moleskine #2. This is a monumental occasion in my life... and I'm already on page 15 or something, bro. I filled up a multitude of pages whilst interviewing Erin McDermott tonight at dinner (for my profile pages in the yearbook.) I'm hoping to get at least one finished per year, each starting sometime in October. I finished the first one only a couple weeks early and that's probably only because there were a few times I had to tear a page or two out.. Sshhh.

Hmm.. maybe I could blog about moleskines? Or.. something.. like keeping a journal? But that might be ever so slightly redundant. Journaling about journaling? But it's so much more than that. I don't know, this required much contemplation. All of which I definitely cannot do tonight since I am well on my way to one of those headaches you get from staring at a computer screen for too long AND I still have to read more Midnight Sun.

P.S. for anyone reading this: Thank you. I love you. Goodnight.

I WANT A NEW CAMERA!

2008-10-15T13:18:00.001-07:00

So, this is an announcement. Not a rant, I have no time. (but a rant COULD be coming your way shortly.)

I want a new camera. I am going to be putting my old on eBay quite soon and I will post that link here and pretty much everywhere else I can think of. And in that time I will be feeling up many a camera to see which one is for me.

END.

Fast Times We're In.

2008-10-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

Where have all my days gone?

I have to be honest, I do secretly know where they go. And I let them slip away like they do, it's all me. My fault. I could very well use them to my advantage, but it's almost as if I don't know how.

I'm behind in some school work, I fell. But I am GETTING BACK UP. Because that IS something I know how to do now. I proved it to myself this summer.

Watch out everyone, smart Brooklyn is back in town. She never left, she was just hiding.

Wish me luck with this week, it's gonna be a rough one.

Apologies.

2008-09-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

I have been masterfully neglecting this blog here, and I take no pride in that whatsoever.

Just so we're all clear.

Last night, my choir and I had our second performance of the school year and a rather un-air-conditioned but kind and loving church. The audience was amazing, let me tell ya. And I hear they really only get better from this point on (seeing as WE only get better, too.) I absolutely despise preparing for a concert, but in the middle of one, I would like to be nowhere else that on the stage singing alongside all the bedazzled ladies in red and heels. Somehow, we are able to minister to each church in a way we didn't even see coming. And they minister to us by making the crazy-good food that they do so we can revive ourselves after a concert. We... would probably die. Or something close to it.

Also, last night I shared with the world my feelings of the movie Eagle Eye: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOO AMAZING, I CAN'T EVEN LIKE BEGIN TO TELL YOU LIKE HOW I FREAKING FEEEEEEEEL SHIIIAAAAAAAAAAAA MAKES ME WANNA DANCE AND THE WHOLE JUST THING ITS LIKE JESUS AND CUPCAKES AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN THE WHOLE IN A TWO HOUR MOVIE, I COULD MAYBE DIE HAPPY FROM THIS POINT ON. OKAY, THATS FALSE, BUT I JUST AHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WWWOOW.

yep. I feel a lot of things, as you can see. After seeing the movie with Marybeth and some of her friends, I dubbed this movie as the best movie I had ever seen ("Which is saying a lot."- Liz) and I still stand by that (until shia makes a better movie, perhaps. But even then, I told Timmy that my face would melt completely off if there was a ever a movie better than this one. Hopefully I will be strong enough...) So last night, when we were eating after the concert, I told Liz about how great it was, and we decided to go see it. She could tell how excited I was, and started freaking out because I rarely get that excited about... anything. Hahaha

And well, next thing you know, the credits are rolling and Liz is standing in her seat looking around for anyone, ANYONE who feels the same way she did about it (shock, awe, wonder, amazement, all things) and she found none! Everyone was just like "Blehh, let's get Arby's." Well, they missed out on the intensity in ten cities. I assure you, its... amazing.

AND. What are the odds that I would see the best movie and read the best book ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT. Yeah.. I don't know either. But they are some crazy odds. Here is the best book. It looks childish.. because its a children's book. Hahaha but really, you won't know until you know.

Oh, What is Man.

2008-09-24T00:13:00.000-07:00

That you are mindful of him, Oh God.

Well, it's like this. Once you're in choir, there really is no point in attempting to get any other song but a choir song stuck in your head. I am currently editing a music video for my youtube account that me and my roommates made, so I'm lucky enough at the moment to have that one stuck in my head for the time being. But tomorrow, I will no doubt wake up singing "Eeeevery time I feeel the spirit moooving in my heart, I will praaaayy..."

Not that that's a bad thing. Probably the best way to start a day. Much better than hearing a man's voice narrate your life...THAT was a weird morning. "And then she realized that 9:44 was the perfect time to get up. And up she got." Hmm, probably best not to really get into that.

I. WANT. TO. TAKE. PICTURES. I need a new lens. Why haven't I purchased one yet? I spend my money on many other superfluous items when I get in my materialistic moods (yes, unacceptable indeed), but not a lens, a beautiful Canon-crafted lens with which to capture moment after moment of my life. A rather lovely life, if I do say so myself. I enjoy it and I want to remember it, incase my life becomes exceedingly dull from any given point on. I talked to quite a few people I know that are photography masters/beasts/machines around here at CBU and they've guided me towards multiple options of purchasing the lens I need, now I just need some money...

Also, I have to be honest. When people follow me on Twitter, I feel kind of special. Like random people actually want to know what I do with my day. Hmmph. However, I do NOT feel special when I am unable to tweet from my phone. I just don't understand. There simple steps to be able to do this, why doesn't it work for me? So every time I tell twitter what I'm up to, it has to be me sitting at my desk AT my computer, for pete's sake. Sweet baby james.

Here's another thing. I haven't been sick in the LONGEST TIME! Okay, not that I want to be sick, but I've forgotten how it's felt and...that's strange to me. Maybe I am a little off at this time of the morning and wish to really be sick in the near future, I kind of..... MISS it. Wow, I really need some sleep.

I leave you with this--- God is very faithful and just. Two of the countless ways He is the greatest of all greats, to say the very most incomplete least. He proves Himself to be everything He says He is every morning I open my eyes yet again. Maybe that's why I wake up singing.

Me In The Present.

2008-08-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

Actually the past.

Here is me right now, more bored than. wood.

And I tend to look pretty unkempt when I am this bored. Apologies.

THIS is what I do when I have nothing to entertain me but myself.

Story of my childhood.

It's All In Your Head.

2008-08-09T04:34:00.000-07:00

I think I have had that title before.

If not, it looks oddly familiar then for no reason.

So today was a very good day indeed!

Starting at the very first moment of the day, meaning somewhere around midnight last night (I stop looking at the clock at some point in time and then look again when it starts to get lighter in my room..)

I was talking to my good friend Nora on iChat, then the phone, and next thing you know! I am a part of this weird, twisted, and very hilarious phone conversation. Not necessarily a conversation. More like a pointless secret three-way phone argument. It was so genius and I felt at least 13 again. The 13 year old version of me anyway, I wasn't as advanced as most middle schoolers are these days. Thank you Jesus.

But this "girl" who Nora and I were kind of... sort...of.. lying to? And plotting against like bigger versions of Pinky and the Brain (Her being the Brain since my comments about how to pronounce Ukulele right and hairspray landed me at almost below Pinky level, even.) was first Nora's friend, and then was supposed to be mine. An easy going girl, you'd think, would be on the other line waiting for me to make her laugh and next thing you knew we would be messaging back and forth on myspace talking about deep things and which bear IS really best. No definitely not. I was simply me with a little bit of tired thrown in and she did not like it.

Nora fought with this girl, this Alaskan she-devil, if you will, mercilessly (about me, saying she needed to stop being so mean to me because I had done nothing, NOTHING, wrong! and the meanness was getting the point of being very annoying and incredibly stupid) until Nora had the idea to three-way whilst I sat there, on the other line, listening, secretly muted and undercover. Yes, I sat there and heard Nora talk to this Death Eater-like overly-giggley girl about me saying that I deserved another chance because what was happening was mind-bottlingly stupid. Me. I did. Sometimes I would let out a little giggle and then jerk my hand up to my mouth in horror that she heard me, but she couldn't! Oh the technological advances of our time..

Now, I can't say I feel bad for all this. The girl misunderstood me weeks ago in our very first random three-way conversation on the phone which I barely agreed to no thanks to my lack of sleep and then sudden need for an impulsive action. I was apparently too sarcastic with her, thinking the girl, being seventeen years old (supposedly) could handle it. I thought we were on the same page, as most people that I have come across thus far in life have been. So very wrong was I.

Apparently this girl took everything to heart, everything, which is a very bad thing, and ended up calling me about every bad name in "the book" and hoped that I died. DEATH. DEAD BROOKLYN. HAPPY ALASKAN SATAN. Okay, sorry.

Speaking of sorry, I was! I told Nora exactly that only after I had lots of time to get over it and realizes it would probably be very good and/or amusing to give it another shot with this girl. Nora obviously somehow found friendship in her and I thought maybe I could too, at least while the girl wasn't under the influence of anything. Not naming names... Wow, I could really go for a diet COKE right now. Hmm...

But, in the end, all the girl did was make fun of me more, even after I had explained everything to Nora over the phone with a little really bad acting and weird analogies to explain the misunderstanding, WHILE SHE LISTENED. Like I had. Secretly. It was all so fake and still, what can ya do? It was the appropriate measures that needed to be taken to get any say in with this, this GIRL. She's obviously a life ruiner. She ruins lives. And so therefore, with no further apologies or hatred for that matter (even though there has definitely never been any), I declare that I am over and it do not wish for so hurtful a person to be in my life ever ever, cough, ever. In the worlds of the slut demon, "I have better things to do, like go to the bathroom."

Hmm, I wonder if she reads this. Just incase, Hi Caty.

Don't want to be rude.

Well after this whole curious drama occurred that left me on a high feeling quite like a mischievous child again (am I THAT boring? Eff.), I got a phone call from my friend Courtney Marie Watson. I love that girl. No really. Heidi Klum could do nothing in her foreign pregnant powers to separate us. YOU ARE AOUT. Wow, I didn't even mean to put the 'a' there that time. I just happened. (TTWS)

Anyway, the conversation had to end in my attempting at giving back a little bit of the great advice she has always given me. I tried, but probably failed in doing so with a shaky voice from walking around in a very hot living room and trying to get it all out as my brain thought of it without pausing for a breath. I think I even quoted movies and tried to imagine what a therapist would say. But then I just admitted to her that I knew she actually just wanted to have someone vent with her rather than have a couch session, heart-to-heart, "let's figure out what is wrong with you", finding-your-inner-self type of thing. Sorry, thats just way to Everly Clode for me.

Is there even an appropriate end to inside jokes? Please, someone tell me.

Then, following this, sometime around 5:30, I went to sleep. Only to have strange, yet very normal dreams-turned-nightmares until I awoke with sigh-type yawn into the screen of my phone which I was holding way too close to my face (even though it was about noon) and seeing a couple unread texts. Then the phones rings.

"Hello Alisha!"

"Do you wanna go to San Diego?"

*very loudly laughter* "What??"

"I just wanna get outta here..."

*mumbling* "You mean like.. right now right now or like later like.. not now.. but today.."

"Like in an hour?"

So then I tell her that I need to consult my money-giver, my grandmother (since I am currently unemployed and STILL A KID OKAY, DON'T GUILT TRIP ME.) and that I would get back to her as soon as my gramma got back from the post office/rite aid/wherever the heck she was.

Then I hung up with her and called my good buddy Ben. I think because he called me in the first place but I was still very very sleepy and only remember suddenly laughing at him a lot on the phone for no real reason: he bought a backpack that he thought was funny because it says "EF" on it, but then I has to sadly inform him that "EF" was for EF Tours, which two of my best friends have been on and another is on right now; he bought me a scarf; he bought himself a SILVER vest and at some point almost exploded upon discovering that it was reversible; him pretending to talk like a girl; him yelling at a fake nephew(?); me saying we could never have kids because when he would raise his voice while punishing them, I would start to laugh uncontrollably lowering the intensity of the moment; a lot of really weird things we always end up talking about. e.g. "DAAAAALLLEEE!!"

THEN! Alisha shows up at my front door and I still don't know if I can go yet! How the time passes by. So I get off the phone with Ben, and hurry to the front door to let Alisha in to see the shock on her face to see that I am in my "Wagner and CO" sweater and happy halloween shorts. :|

So I hurriedly get ready and BAM! We are off to San Diego at a surprisingly late hour of the day (3:30?) But San Diego was good to us. We had money and the curse didn't get us this time. Curse: You have money and can't find ANYTHING to buy. It can also happen to the average bystander, but instead you have no money and see more than enough things to make you materially depressed by the end of the day and a friend has to buy you Coldstone to make you feel better. Not that... that's... happened to me.. or anything. Uh.

And we have a wonderful day and enjoy weather that doesn't melt the flesh off your face or scream when you accidently sit on the seatbelt! However, I am very aware now that parking garage air is in fact NOT AIR. DO NOT BREATHE IT. I think I almost died in attemps to shut my lungs off walking back to the car. Hot milk.

Wow, I haven't said that in a long time. And you know, its all thanks to a little someone who STOLE IT FROM ME! LAUREN TUCKER! And then made all of her friends start saying it and then like half the freaking school! Then everytime I heard it, I had this sudden gag-reflex. Its like hearing someone quote quagmire from Family Guy---"Giggety Giggety!" If you know me, you probably know I hate that!

Good.

And so now, hours later with lots of new clothes and a little mac makeup, I am sleepy and happy. Probably because I had some Nilla Wafers and those bad boys know how to brighten a day! Even if it is 4 in the morning when you eat them...

And now, I am off to sleep. I have a very important photoshoot scheduled for today and I don't need bloodshot eyes and an unfocused brain! Maybe too late, but that is a risk I am willing to take.

More news tomorrow! Later today? Sunday? I need sleep.

What Do Ya Say?

2008-08-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

Let's leave! Let's get right outta here. I'm so ready for that. Anywhere, take me there, please.

Also: Please read Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs. It will totally change your perspective on home shopping networks. And through that, a variety of other things. And we all know something out perspectives need a little fine tuning (however, mine have never been so finely tuned..)

That is all for now, My brain motor is tired of running.

Oh, Lost.

2008-07-26T01:24:00.000-07:00

This is a draft I never finished but think I should still let out, share it with the world.

Sorry I never got around to talking about the things I wanted to talk about. hahaha

still. its.. something? Right?

"You know, there is FAR too much to talk about.

I mean, really. I hardly know how to cover it all. But I will, one by one, I will update. I need this more than anyone else does. Here what I plan on covering tonight:

Summer school, Finals, art show, Twilight!, breaking dawn premiere, New York..., lost, cleaning house, Apples, nora, bdsw, vintage clothes, no T.V., why i lose things, iMixes, fingernails, mixtapes, books, whatever else pops into my head. (but not in that order.)

Okay so seriously. I am a little sad that summer school is over. Its never because of the school part, the homework, the tests. No thank you. But having that watercolors class was really fun! I like people, I like being around them, knowing them, no matter what kind of person they are. And even though the watercolors/oil painting class crowd was different that my usual, I still really liked being around them. Especially in the last few classes, we all got so close! It always happens that way. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN THAT WAYYY!!! It does. You know it.

And I'm a little flustered about my finals, they were pretty dang hard. I know I got a C on my geology final, which.. is NOT what I thought I would get. I knew like every question on there but.. that just goes to show just how much I think I know.

The art show was really good, we all had so much fun just hanging out waiting for people to get there. For the first few hours, hardly anyone came at all. We all just sat around eating pizza and drinking soda and taking pictures and sharing music, and then BAM! A sudden influx of people around 4 just shocked us all and the room was full before we could say, "hey nice wash!" (watercolor class joke. weird that I even have one of those.) Marybeth and her Momma came to see everything we've all been working on these long six weeks of summer and Claire's parents stopped by too. I went up to my sketches and pushed the corner back onto the tape on the matting and a man behind me gasped in horror and said, "I HOPE that is your piece!" I just walked away not realizing what just happened and then almost died laughing on the other side of the wall. I was so tempted to walk back in there and touch the crap out of it, but I didn't. Regrets.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

I LOVE STEPHENIE MEYERS. I love twilight, new moon, eclipse. I love edward, bella, jacob, alice, charlie, jasper, every one of them. I cannot believe that I have lasted this far in waiting for the next book to come out. Breaking dawn. Only one more week from today, and I will have it in my hands! I'm not reading it right away, I am waiting until Courtney gets back from Europe to do so. I told her I would since she has to wait too, and SHE is the reason I am reading this right now. And alisha's reason, marybeth's reason, courtney gruba's reason, goodness gracious! So I will wait because I said I would! I am hopefully going to the premiere in palm desert, thats the plan. Although I don't know who I am going with yet, I am GOING!

I think these books are unbelievably good. Not like the best books of all time, I have read many an amazing book. But they are well written and its not hard for them to get into your head. I also don't think they are for everyone, for some it is hard to read about vampires. I mean, right off the bat people tend to shy away from that word. But its not like that at all. I do think everyone should give them a try, just to see what I am talking about. Its not about vampires, werewolves, no. Its about a boy named Edward and a girl named Bella. Read them. Unless you're too scared... !!

So right now, I could be in New York City. Yep. With Courtney and Steffanie, sleeping maybe not so soundly because of all the excitement pulsing through me. But I am not. I couldn't afford it after all thanks to summer school not allowing me to get a job and my grandparents not being able to loan me money thanks to my uncle and mother who can't seem to ever grow the eff up. (Can I just say right now that my mother owes me big time? Not just for this, but this is the cherry on top of it all.) So instead, I woke up late and felt guilty about it. This being because when I asked my grandmother for the money, we ended up getting into an argument about what I do during the day--- well long story short, it ended up me trying to reason with her that what she was saying was nonsensical, but in the end still felt quite guilty."

...and thats all for now. Maybe I will eventually get around to telling you all about it..all.

Words Cannot Describe.

2008-07-20T00:16:00.000-07:00

Well, what I am about to show you is somewhat ridiculous and the result of a conversation between Nora and I, yet again. This happened a few weeks ago, and for some reason, I haven't posted it until now. We were just talking nonsense, but couldn't seem to stop! So here it is, maybe it will make you giggle or inspire you in some strange unforeseen way. Sorry it's underlined too, I couldn't get it to go away.

whattdotheyknow: I think

whattdotheyknow: that if I were to climb up the mountain right outside,

whattdotheyknow: and scream every beautiful word,

whattdotheyknow: they would all fly to you,

whattdotheyknow: and settle into bed with you.

whattdotheyknow: because small things,

whattdotheyknow: little ones that your amazing self does,

whattdotheyknow: they grab my shoulders, spin, and stop. and they say "most people wouldn't dare."

lightsandtrees: i'm not really even sure what to say next. thats like an ending. you know? why should anyone add anything else. that made my ears hot.

lightsandtrees: hahah i wish i had a mountain to climb, i would have my hiking boots on right now. and i would just hope that all the beautiful words would come out right.

lightsandtrees: and maybe the words would collide in the air and split the sky.

lightsandtrees: and maybe they wouldnt. but we could try.

whattdotheyknow: and what would people think, passing by?

lightsandtrees: their eyes might start to burn, but it feels good to cry.

whattdotheyknow: we'll tell them, Brooklyn. why do we have to be shy?

lightsandtrees: well, clear out your lungs nora, tonight's the night and we'll never know why.

whattdotheyknow: Unimaginable. fear of the sparks in the wind replaced the good, and now they're not afraid to die.

lightsandtrees: lets make something of each other, forget the judgemental eye. raise a fist, look loose, straighten your tie. (why are you wearing a tie?)

whattdotheyknow: Brooklyn! Bury yourself! Don't shorten your supply. Love is all you need, as do I.

lightsandtrees: we're all high, a city in the sky, buried in the middle of everyones lost guys, in a pile of minced meat pies, taken from the sellers of expensive lies, we can just try, the harder to love the more worth it is to die.

lightsandtrees: lets stop, lets slow down.. that took a lot out of me. oh my.

whattdotheyknow: Dirty men in the bar on mondays, flexing evil eyes and drinking eau de vie. The dishtowel? Ah, it's semidry, but DUCK! Look out for the spanish fly. I can tell you're a spy, you're on the sly and in junior high you talked of william bligh and world war one. sickening, and real. feel it? feel it? quiet now! don't awaken the dead.

whattdotheyknow: love love love love its all i feel.

lightsandtrees: i feel it too.

lightsandtrees: people make me say it, that forlorn battlecry. people are afraid of that four letter word, they deny deny deny.

lightsandtrees: WE ARE FREE, NORA! FREE TO FLY. never ahead, never behind, just a rushing breeze in our cigarette eyes. we can feel and see and do, its what all the proverbs imply, can they just SAY IT. WHY. make a note, a tone, a buzz in my ear, feel it in my brain, coursing through my veins, it cant be a lie, its no margarine spread on my rye, its complete with hook and anchor, dragging us down to die. Right where we want to be.

whattdotheyknow: Your miraculous fingers change my mind. Mind to body, limb to ground, kick the stones without a sound. Skipping, losing, but winning it all. The peaceful things we make aren't our downfall.

whattdotheyknow: I love you, I love you, and I'll say it again. I love you, and don't stress on the bits and pieces of your violin.

whattdotheyknow: An end note, please? Before I fall over.

lightsandtrees: nora, i want to make you a house made of clover. I will build it stretching across our two mountains with the longest hallway, and four fountains. Everyone will see and wonder, what love has creates the most beautiful house where nothing bad happens and, with singing, there is never an end.

Still...

2008-07-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Even despite what I said before, unrequited love is so painful.

Especially when love is returned all around you, just not to you.

Its like being the only kid in the whole orphanage to not get adopted.

Do You Really Want To Live Forever?

2008-07-07T05:03:00.002-07:00

Lately, I've bombarded with the fact that I have not found that someone. I haven't dated, I haven't been "heartbroken", I haven't fallen IN LOVE.

WHAT?

Well, I apologize if everyone is disappointed. I will try to put myself out there more, maybe lower my standards and date a guy who I don't even think is attractive or anyone I could spend the rest of my life with to make YOU HAPPY. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, but I know what I'm NOT looking for. But apparently this doesn't matter because it would be a tragedy to have to die alone. Right? Well, here is a new flash. I'm NOT ALONE. Nor will I ever be alone even if there isn't a guy in my life. Lord knows I want to find love, I want to feel it, I want to get married, I want to pour into someone's life in that way, sure! But it is not my duty as a human being, as a girl more specifically, to be "out there", to be effing flirting all the time. I talk to guys, I hang out with them, I don't live in a cave! I shower, I'm feminine, I know when to hold my tongue. I don't curse, I don't smoke, I don't drink. I can be loud, I can be quiet, I can be soft, I can be abrasive. I do what I do, and I'm fine with it. If no guys find that attractive, if no males out there in the world see me as someone fit to have a relationship with/spend their lives with, then so be it. I cannot spend every waking minute thinking of this, I will just take a note from Jane Austen. I will dream, I will write, I may die without a man, but I will still go out being me. And definitely not without love.

We Must Deceive Them,

2008-07-03T00:09:00.000-07:00

"...so as not to hurt them. And in that way...we honor them."

-Dwight K. Schrute.

I actually didn't intend to post starting with that quote. But that quote makes me happy, and why not start things out happily. It makes me happy for a number of reasons, all of which I am grateful for at the moment, considering I just watched Big Fish and cried a great deal at the end. I actually forgot every single thing that happened in the movie, up until pressing play, except for a field of buttercups. I could see Ewan Mcgregor standing there, in my clouded memory, amidst thousands and that was enough for me to know I loved it and should buy it.

So I did and I cried. Its just so wonderfully written. I wish I could have written Big Fish, actually. I feel like I am Big Fish..

(WATCH IT. So I don't feel like a foo' for sayin that. Hahha)

Well, today was an all around very sad day. A blues day. Too bad I'm not really that fond of blues music. Its so close to country....I just. Cant. Maybe if I had that blues song from the Beatles, I'd be okay. Haha.

And now I feel really alone for some reason. Even though I am alone most of the hours in the day, especially the "wee hours" (there they are again.) But I guess I just feel especially alone, then. I wish I had more family here at home. I mean, laughter, cooking, singing, running.. I like that idea of a big house. I hope I get to have one someday.

Stuck In My Head.

2008-07-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

Taylor the Latte Boy by this lovely lady, Kristen Chenoweth, is stuck in my head! IT WONT LEAVE. Not that it's an awful song, I just like having the mental freedom to sing whatever I want subconsciously, not just this!

You might know "The Cheno", as some call her, from her amazing singing and acting as Glinda The Good Witch in the Broadway show Wicked. But she's done so much more! She's got two movies in post production right now, and I am probably going to pee my pants when they come out..so...dont hang out with me that day. Uhm.. yeah. I also just found out she's in Running With Scissors, something I DID NOT notice, which is strange. Maybe because she plays a married woman who wants to try out being a Lesbian.... "lesbatina."

Check her out, I mean obviously if she likes boys named taylor who work at starbucks enough to write a song about it... She's got gumption. And we all know the importance of gumption thanks to the old man from the movie The Holiday!

So, today I am taking a mental health day. As I've learned from Carrie, the "Nanny" or whatever she was, in the Mary-kate & Ashley TV show, Two Of A Kind, that mental health days are necessary to one's...mental health. How wise. She decided one day to take a mental health day, and thought it would be good for the dad to take one too, since he was a such a workaholic. (why do people say aholic after everything. like chocoholic. I've never heard of an alco, or anyone being addicted to that, so lets just stop this nonsense.) Anyway, she took him to a baseball, at which he won a car! He was supposed sick with some african flu, but his boss was at the game and saw his face on the jumbotron! Later, you find that his boss wasnt mad at all, he just wanted to test drive his new car because him and his wife were thinking of getting one. Carrie then says, "WELL! I guess we could just call this Black Monday, huh?" I LOVE MENTAL HEALTH DAYS! I loved that show, where did it go. Maybe there are seasons out there I can buy so I can learn more from the wise Carrie.

Also, I am taking this day, because if I didn't, I would really literally be mentally unhealthy. I do at least 5 hours of homework per day, along with the four hours of class. Then there's my endless energy driving me to stay awake until the wee hours. The little hours? What? What the heck is wee hours. Anyway, I just need today. I don't have homework, I don't have plans. Just Me and movies and whoever else wants to join. And don't worry, I wont miss again.

YESSSSSSSS.

I Love Icelandic Singers.

2008-06-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

With a buzz in our ears, we play endlessly.

Those words, roughly translated from the albums title, are completely what this album, Sigur Ros' newest, sounds and feels like. I HIGHLY suggest you buy it off iTunes or Sigur Ros' Website a-saaap.

Here is a video (slightly explicit, but I think you can handle dancing naked people right? hahha) for their song "Gobbledigook". I really just put it up for the song, it's not like "HERE, WATCH SOME PORN!" Just listen if you must. Watch if you like.

More Summertime Listenings.

2008-06-29T18:15:00.000-07:00

So, as the days go by, more and more wonderfully summery music makes its way to my iTunes and dives right into my heart. (I could get cheesier, just ask.)

And since the last post of the perfect summer music, I have discovered yet another 29 songs that fit the bill! It was hard to narrow it down, since I like most music most of the time and to dub a song merely for summer is quite the task. But I did it. Applaud... NOW. Thank you, thank you, you're far too kind. And I also have to admit, this one might have a few more oldies than the last. We shall see.

Enjoy:

1. "I Hear Them All" by Old Crow Medicine Show

2. "All Around Me (Acoustic)" by Flyleaf

3. "We Rock" from the Camp Rock Soundtrack

4. "Pocketful Of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield

5. "Do The Panic"by Phantom Planet

6. "Horses" by Broken Social Scene

7. "Each New Day" by Rose Melberg

8. "Jump" by Van Halen

9. "Gobbledigook" by Sigur Ros

10. "Love Love Love" by The Mountain Goats

11. "Funny Little Frog" by Belle & Sebastian

12. "Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop" by Landon Pigg

13. "The Yellow Ones" by Pinback

14. "Fire" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience

15. "Juke Box Hero" by Foreigner

16. "Your Song" by Elton John

17. "The Tide Is High" by Blondie

18. "Bicycle Race" by Queen

19. "One Clock" by Julia Nunes

20. "Solta o Frango" by Bonde Do Role

21. "Where There's Gold" by Dashboard Confessional (yes. I know.)

22. "Faces Going Places" by Jose Vanders (thanks nora!)

23. "Who's Gonna Know Your Name (666)" by Fembots

24. "Pursuit Of Happiness" by Nuno Bettencourt & Suze Demarchi

25. "You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile" by Peter Marshall

26. "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moonlight" by Tiny Tim

27. "Creep" by TLC (I think I've liked this song since...forever)

28. "Goodbye Girls" by Broadcast

29. "My Beautiful Rescue" by This Providence

There you have it. Start Listening.

Oh! Yes, and if you don't have a Last.Fm account, I highly suggest you get one, and download the program. Opens your eyes to lots of new music and enables you to find others who like the crap you do.

You Think You'd Know Me By Now

2008-06-29T02:24:00.001-07:00

Okay, I have to admit. Life has been better lately. May days haven't been so disastrous and I realize how much I have to thank God for. Its...a lot. I feel like I've hardly spent any time with Him lately, and this breaks my heart into a million little pieces. Which is coincidently

the book I am currently reading. The dedication page says this:

The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.

I broke something, Old Man

How badly is it broken?

It's in a million little pieces.

I'm afraid I can't help you.

Why?

There's nothing you can do.

Why?

It can't be fixed.

Why?

It's beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces.

I've just had a down day, as some people like to put it. I cant find time to do the things I want to anymore, I just do homework. I guess I'm irresponsible and selfish with my time. Yeah, that's probably it. But I spent a total of 6 hours on homework today attempting to finish a long assignment for Geology and trying to focus on work rather than wishing I was doing something else (ADD?) So my plan is to feverishly work in the next few days and get ahead in my homework so I have nothing to worry about for a little while and can do things I wanna do! Here's what I hope to do in the days to come:

-finish sketching and drawings from the san diego trip

-get my new lens and take pictures somewhere

-start a new painting with my acrylics.

-Start another painting with my watercolors!

-journal more

-finish A Million Little Pieces and start Twilight

-go to Seaworld (not really soon...)

-get my monroe again

-get a new hair-do

-write letters to people that I've promised to write letters to.

-buy a huge pack of polaroids from amazon since they are all disappearing..

-get my gym membership renewed

-start my video blogs! (I will keep this one too.)

-finally visit Petco.

-FINALLY go bowling...

Thats about it. Not too much to ask, right? I think not. But I kind of just want today to be over. I want to be joyful tomorrow and I know God will have a huge hand in making that happen. :) So, here is what I want to do right now. I am going to go to bed, after reading a little in my book, and fall asleep listening to "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the movie Once. But first I will tell you about Julia Nunes.

I found her on YouTube tonight, and she is brilliant! Portuguese, amazing vocal skillz, and hilarious. I immediately bought her album on iTunes, literally, right now. Here she is singing "Falling Slowly". Watch all of her videos! She's so talented, and like Andrew Bravener, I wish I knew her. I will keep you posted as I find new talent and effing cool people on the tube. Subscribe if you have an account!

I Want To Shoot Something.

2008-06-28T01:35:00.000-07:00

I miss my cameraaa!

I went to target with courtney the other night to get a new memory card for it since THAT was broken, and looked my lens...and its bent. Bent so much that it cant focus. So, since there is not one soul around here who can fix it, I am getting a new one. That sounds good to me anyway, I'm just really impatient about waiting for it to get here and shiz. I miss taking pictures with it. I miss a lot of things. Thing I cant think about or my lungs seem to get smaller and allow trace amounts of life giving oxygen in.. That can't be good.

I am listening to Matt Costa and keep thinking to myself that I want to change it. And then I wonder why, because I love Matt Costa. And then I realize. It makes me think about those things I don't wanna think about for fear of suffocation and death. Matt "Costies" makes me think of school time and Liz and Ben and Courtney and Steffanie. The same sad song I've been singing for a while now. Sorry for being such a broken record...

I dont like summer school and wish to never do it again. Unless it's like my Watercolors class. That one is enjoyable. Especially with good ole Claire B. in there! Yesterday (meaning Thursday..), both of our art classes took a field trip and spent all day in San Diego going basically everywhere there is to go and seeing all the sights. We sketched things as we went along and I got some pretty dang good drawings done. Everyone said they really liked how I saw the world and that my sketched were really fun to look at (so says Mel Sparkles.) The most interesting part of it was how I realized that all of these people, every single one of them, besides Claire, I would have never ever known in life if it weren't for the curse of summer school at IVC. That just seemed so strange to me. I like the people though, they accept one and all types of people, no judgement...since I'm sure they've experienced enough of their own in life. Like mine. I'm so stupid sometimes.

And I would also like to leave you the link to Dick Blick's Art Store! The coolest Art store I have ever been in in my life! And in little Italy too, how much better could it be to get all kinds of art supplies and then have gelato right after? Well, Claire and I can confirm that it couldn't get better, and that no one should try. I will post pictures of my sketches later when I can take decent pictures of them.

Tomorrow:

-order new lens

-call Skip again

-call mother.....

-finish geology homework

-finish book

-Take film to Rite Aid for development

-transfer "arbortorium" sketch to watercolor paper

-attempt to use iMovie 6...

-Email Courtney W. back

-print out course syllabi to mail on monday.

Peter who?

2008-06-23T00:09:00.001-07:00

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I Was Made For You.

2008-06-21T05:37:00.000-07:00

I was. I know it, probably now more than when you were around.

I told stories about you last night and remembered how great of a person you were then.

I'm pretty sure we would be perfect together if it weren't for your complete lack of respect for women (when you're done using them.)

It makes me sad how all those millions of reasons why I love you are now only reasons why I LOVED you and seem more like a checklist of things to never be again. Maybe that's it. Maybe I should have never given it to you.

Maybe we could have met later in life and everything would have come to life and felt right. But, now, it can never happen. Thanks to you, really.

On a lighter note....

HahahhahahhahahhahahahahahHAhahHAhahAH.

But really. It is very early on a saturday morning. and I am awake. As I usually am. I have accomplished so much this night that I can hardly remember it all. But now the time has come for me to shower and prepare myself for a lovely day in Palm Desert! Wish Marybeth and I luck, it's supposed to get up to 117 degrees there today.....

I Can Hear the Music Again!

2008-06-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

MY IPOD IS BAAAAAAACK!

(I lost it, just incase you didn't know.)

And now it is back thanks to my friend, COURTNEY STEWART.

Oh man, what a glorious moment that was.

And now I am updating it with all the latest music and it feels right.

P.S. Last night, during the whole supposed bowling escapade, we actually went to Denny's and then saw IRON MAN (yet again. Still good.) And Evan didn't go, unfortunately he had some previous arrangements with his parents for dinner, and this happens quite often apparently. Bobby came instead and make the night definitely more memorable. Thank you Brett, for not letting us die.

ALFEETERSANE.

Baby Mine.

2008-06-19T06:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am going to admit this.

I just watched this and cried. A lot. Not just a whimper and a tear here and there.

No, I went right into the "cry face". You know. The scrunched up droopy mouth and purple/red face with the whole wrinkly forehead action with the tears tap-tapping on your shirt. That was me for this near three minute time segment. I found it on another girls blog and she admitted to crying every time she's watched it. And I felt like I could handle it. No, wrong. I don't know what I feel when I watch it. Like all the sadness in the world just fills me up.

And it makes me miss my mom. I kind of know how dumbo feels.

Discount Meals Are Warm.

2008-06-19T03:26:00.000-07:00

Something Nora just wrote for me. Over instant messaging.

But I had to.. "journal" it. Really, I had to.

THE POWER OF WORDS COMPELS YOU.

okay, surry.

It doesn't have a title, so I just drew that picture you see there.

Here is what it says:

Carolyn, or Evelyn.

Or even Gwendolyn. Wait!

Jocelyn, Katelyn, Marilyn, and Lewellyn.

(Had to ask Google for the spellin')

Where have you been?

Oh, dont tell me.

BERLIN!

Course, with your violin, of course.

And then.

This is when we begin to look within.

I'm not seeking a trash bin or a bowling pin.

Or a potato skin rolling on your shin.

Brooklyn.

Did I reply?

Swim your seas but don't forget me.

Madelyn, Jaquelyn, Roslyn, Huckleberry Finn.

Continue.

Continue to search within.

Let whispers grab hold and laughter let go.

Abandoner.

Entrepreneur.

Sha Sha Shatter, hey.

HEY!

What's the matter?

Mix me up like pancake batter, I'll keep running back as you spin the platter.

But wait...

Do you remember?

You cant fly now.

Please.

Please hold on to your feather.

Wagner.

Did you run too fast?

In contrast, this is incredibly unsurpassed.

And it's our last.

Last chance to open it up.

Steady your painted cup.

And dive.

Everything you want is coming alive.

He's Treating Me Right.

2008-06-19T02:32:00.000-07:00

Mates of State...

A Band.

A Marriage.

A Legend.

These two crazzzayy folks have changed the way I hear music. Ever since I first heard them two summers ago thanks to my friend Timmy, no duo has quite come close to this one. I just can't imagine the beauty in being a part of a marriage that is so musical. I would love to have this kind of bond with my husband. To have our voices blend just so like theirs do. Thanks Timm.

My itunes hasn't seen this kind of Play Count since the dawn of the song "Maybe It's Maybelline" by Relient K many-a-year ago. Those days.. Oh. Those days. I think, within the last few days, the song "Blue and Gold Print" is up to a 99 count.. almost there.

And they have come out with their best album yet. I can't think of a song on it that isn't perfect. It is GOLDEN. Its called Re-Arrange Us and its available on iTunes. Buy it now.

Stifle Copies of Myself.

2008-06-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

This is me, right now. Well, except right after this, I put on another shirt. Hahha

I just talked to Liz right now WHILE she was on.. the toilet. Doing her thang.

I didn't believe it, but then came the realization of the invention called "video chat".

She proved it, she did.

Tonight, I am going bowling with MB, Brett Miller, and Evan Mallory.

And I am going to be GOOD. Maybe better than good.

Wish me luck.

"I know its impossible, but you should try to shake it off. And if you really wanna shake it off, you gotta re-arrange us." -M.O.S.

The No Name Snack

2008-06-18T04:25:00.000-07:00

Andrew Bravener, you've done it again!

In this video, Andrew, whilst wearing "house pants" makes on the most entertaining and delicious snacks civilization has come across in many many centuries, I am certain.

Yes, it IS amazing. Upon seeing this video,

my friend Marybeth and I looked at each other and said,

"LETS MAKE IT."

And we did, see?

That's my apple there, and Marybeth is still devouring hers off to the left.

Now, get out there and do it!

The apple "coring" is probably the best part. Well, besides the taste.

IT TASTES LIKE HAPPINESS.

He has another snack, and as soon as we try it (and most likely love it) we will SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD! And people who read this.

Whoever you are.

Sunrise, Sunset, Summer

2008-06-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Oh summer.

Where are you going?

I wish you could stay for awhile, have another round of drinks.

So, here I am. Almost done with my second month of summer. And I've hardly done anything. I am not going to complain, it is partly my fault. I am just going to make a promise to myself and my friends that this summer is far from over and that I am going to do everything in my power to make it 100% more summery than could ever be imagined.

Now for the perfect summer playlist. I have worked on this for a while and think I have a good selection here for anyone wanting to sail over the hills and listen to music while a sun-kissed breeze whips its way through your fluttering eye lashes.

This list is 69 songs long. Yes, 69. Yes, that long. Take it, listen, run with it.

1."Mouthwash" by Kate Nash

2. "Summertime" by Mae

3. "Cheap Sunglasses" by ZZ Top

4. "Jogging Gorgeous Summer" by Islands

5. "Starry Eyed Surprise" by Oakenfold

6. "Keep Your Head" by The Ting Tings

7. "The Party Punch" by Oh No Oh My

8. "I Don't Know Why" by Ben Kweller

9. "Lost!" by Coldplay

10. "Gumption" by Hans Zimmer

11. "Thanks and Praise" by G. Love feat. Jasper

12. "The Re-Arranger" by Mates of State

13. "California Sun" by The Ramones

14. "The Gardener" by The Tallest Man On Earth

15. "Let It Be Sung" by Jack Johnson & Matt Costa

16. "Across the Universe" by Fiona Apple

17. "Sunrise" by Norah Jones

18. "No Sleep Tonight" by The Faders

19. "Summer Girls" by LFO

20. "When I'm 64" by The Beatles

21. "String Song" by Deccatree

22. "Change Clothes" by Jay-Z

23. "The Littlest Birds" by The Be Good Tanya's

24. "California Stars" by Billy Bragg & Wilco

25. "Summer 78" by Yann Tiersen

26. "Drill Me" by Portastatic

27. "School's Out" by Alice Cooper

28. "Summer Skin" by Death Cab for Cutie

29. "Summer Breeze" by Jason Mraz

30. "Sugar, Sugar" by The Archies

31. "Life Is A Perception Of Your Own Reality" by Chiodos (CRAZAAAYY GOOOD!)

32. "The Party Song" by Emery

33. "Amsterdam" by Peter Bjorn and John

34. "Summer In The City" by The Lovin' Spoonful

35. "We're at the Top of the World" by The Juliana Theory

36. "Drilling- (P.O.S. REDO)" by Minus The Bear

37. "Time To Pretend" by MGMT

38. "Do You Believe In Magic?" by The Format

39. "Sister Kate" by The Ditty Bops

40. "Fantasy" by Mariah Carey

41. "Far Away" by Ingrid Michaelson

42. "Summertime" by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

43. "Summersong" by The Decemberists

44. "I Need A Girl" by P. Diddy feat. Usher

45. "Let's Dance To Joy Division" by The Wombats

46."Fortress" by Pinback

47. "You Send Me" by Aretha Franklin

48. "California Girls" by The Beach Boys

49. "Summer Nights" by John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John

50. "California" by Hawk Nelson

51. "This Is A Song" by The Magic Numbers

52. "Never Too Late" by Michael Franti & Spearhead

53. "Love Shack" by The B-52's

54. "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins

55. "The Big Guns" by Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins

56. "All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow

57. "By The Way" by Red Hot Chili Peppers

58. "Magnolia" by Matt Costa

59. "California" by Phantom Planet

60. "The Rock Show" by Blink-182

61. "I Feel It All" Feist

62. "Forever Young" by Alphaville

63. "Summer Sunshine" by The Corrs

64. "The Freest Man" by Tilly and The Wall

65. " Barracuda" by Heart

66. "Dreams Come True" by Randy Edelman

67. "Sweet Darlin'" by She & Him

68. "Steal My Sunshine" by Len

69. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by The Flaming Lips

I do realize that this hardly covers all the perfect summer songs.

There might just be a part two coming real soon.

LIVE YOUR LIFE!

I'm Home and It's My Birthday!

2008-06-09T18:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, this is Andrew Bravener.

So, you basically need to watch this.

Watch the crap out of it, for all that is good the world!

He is the talented Fellow I was telling you about. From YouTube/Canada.

A sight for sore eyes.

And the "Strangest Phrase Ever" Award GOES TO....

Okay, Party, Bonus.

2008-06-09T17:38:00.001-07:00

"Wayne's World, Wayne's World, Party Time, Excellent, Doodooloodoodoodoodooo!"

I am currently watching this while I get today's To-Do list done.

I was dreading today for some reason. Like today would be a difficult day or something. One of those emotions I couldn't control. But then I had a Fudge Graham Bar, the only thing I like from NutriSystem for lunch, and all those bad feelings disappeared in a poof of deliciousness.

Now for the list:

1. Vaccuum and clean in general. Dust shelves.

2. Call the "High Court" of Riverside about Jury Duty...

3. Find out where to send my film for development.

4. Finish the David Sedaris book.

5. Order new book off Amazon.

6. AA order?

7. Send Kaylee and Bill their card.

8. Write letters to: Hannah, Leah, Liz, Jamie, and Nikki.

9. Finishing Editing The Sparkle Time Show and "Maybe This Year"

10. Print and Fill out summer school forms.... AIOSUEOWIU(!U#!(@!)(**@!&@^

11. Clean shoes. (stepped in some mud...)

So far, that's it. I know there'll be more and I know I probably wont finish this.

Right now, I'm just enjoying the splendor of Wayne Cambell and Garth Algar.

Cabbages and Kings.

2008-06-08T01:06:00.000-07:00

I FEEL.

I feel like I should say something. Anything. But I don't know what to say.

Facts:

1. Indiana Jones is an amazing man. He survived a freakin' A-bomb by hiding in a fridge. I mean, really. Who beats that? Chuck Norris? NO. I've HEARD allllll these things about Chuck Norris' magical powers, his unbelievable strength, that he can throw the sun or something, that his tears cure cancer, and his stunning wind-mill kicks, but have yet to actually see them. Say what you will, I shall not be moved.

2. "You are summoned to appear for JURY SERVICE.." were the words printed on a paper inside of an official envelope I received in the mail today. My first Jury Duty. I've always wanted to do this, to see finally why people hate it so much. I figure I would love it. But I am unable to attend. For two reasons. #1 It is in Riverside. Enough said. #2 I was supposed to be there May, 27th. WTF. So my question is.. Is there a warrant out for my arrest? Wow, life just got so exciting and adventurous. If anyone asks, My name is Mildred Plotka.

3. Tonight was a good night. I didn't really think it would be to be honest. No, to be honest, I could say I wasn't looking forward to any plans tonight. Not the plans that were...planned. Anyway. But, after all was said and done and everyone went back to their own homes, I was a sad little bunnie (as murb would say.) The events of tonight were as follows: First, I get ready, then Courtney arrives at my front door, I open it, let her in, compliment her new Death Cab shirt with a shape on it that is either a boat or a building (I know, I know), we started to watch what I had edited so far of our video, Nora's Mom drops her off, she calls me to let her in, I do such things, then we start our video over, we laugh, we watch, Marybeth comes in through the unlocked front door, we all sit in the dark watching the rest of the video, we turn the lights on, play a little SL, I put in The Office, we watch some, I then put in Hot Rod, we don't really watch it, I laugh a lot at moments I catch of the movie, we decide to go out, murb suggests we play the game with the CD's that I made for her where you listen to the movies scores (or just songs from movies) and try to guess what movie it's from, they agree to it, we go around to murb's neighborhood because we need the cheat song list, I scream at the giant gorilla in the people's yard, no one else does, murb then says she desperately needs gas, she gets list, we head for Mann Co., after a couple wrong turns murb get's the gas tank on the right side where the pump is and starts to...pump...gas..., we leave, get in front of the Donut Shop, decide we don't really want it, start driving around town, murb gets a bug in her pants and scares people outside of rally's while frantically searching for the bug, we decide to get dinner/breakfast and name is Dast (similar to Dinch but at a differing time of day), we get through the line, a certain interesting girl gets out of her car to say to murb, see's me, makes a fool of herself because she doesnt want to, nora hides, we all laugh really loud, get our food, don't eat it at the park, head to murb's house to eat it, realize nora's sangmich isnt in the bag, go back and beg them to give it to us, they do with a few unrecognizable spanish words thrown in here and there, we eat in my room, we watch Teen Girl Squad!, a little more YouTube videos, nora doesnt like salad fingers, murb takes nora home, courtney stays while we plot our attack on some apples, we say goodbye when she leaves, I compliment her yet again, but this time on her Aquamarine-esque hair.

That is all. Of the night. Echehhehem.

4. Andrew Bravener from New Brunswick, *somewhere in Canada*. You have stolen the hearts of four teenage girls tonight. I being one of them. Why must your YouTube videos be so.. good?

Good? No, not good. Just charming. And I wish I knew you, I would we could make snacks together and jump on your trampoline all the day long in the forest that is your backyard. I dont know. WE LOVE YOU. Is that weird? I feel like that is so weird. I'm gonna go ahead and say that it is weird, but that I'm also alright with it. But don't worry, I'm not gonna rewrite a song just to say how hot I think you are...like that asian girl did. Big whoops, Keri Ann.

that is all.

P.S.'s and Things:

1. There is a needle sticking out of my lip. I've tested it and my whole is NOT CLOSED. Praise ya, Jesus.

2. I guess I did have some things to say after all.

3. Thanks Crort Gruba for bringing my phone back to me. I am awful at leaving my phone places.

4. Thank you, Adam P. for writing me that letter on the scrap of paper from your journal. I tucked it away in a book and when I wanted to read the book finally, the note fell out and pricked the top of my foot when it tumbled to the ground... perfect timing. :)

5. Sometime I secretly wish that a lot of people read this. Then I secretly un-wish it.

Yes, Mr. Shickadance?

2008-06-03T17:37:00.000-07:00

Jim Carrey. Wow. This guy.

He was my first. Hahhaha..

But really. He was. My first ever realization that I loved comedy. In every form. Forever. He sculpted me as a child when I would watch him from behind the couch, so my gramma couldn't see me, play Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The movie changed my life. Marybeth and I called that our favorite movie of all time and would watch it together at her house when I was finally old enough to call my own shots in the movie world (PG-13 and under, of course.)

I would quote it all the time, and there is plenty evidence of that in old home movies we have. There would be a quick "re-he-heeealllayyy" I would say in response to something, or I would call someone a "lehhoo-zeh-herrr."

I was Jim Carrey.

And to this day, He still cracks me up. Everything he does is golden. I hold on it to it as if it were a part cosmic force of the universe that gave me all my comedic powers and if I let go, the world of laughter would be gone forever. Seriously? Seriously. "Serio." As Nora would say.

I watch this video and for minutes after have to attempt to compose myself. He's my main man.

It's Closing Up!

2008-06-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

My piercing hole.

I'm thinking I should get that needle out again and check, but I'm scared to.

Tomorrow I go in to get a new one..

I'm not ready to give it up yet! I still like it.

Earlier, I was looking through an old Seventeen magazine that's just been left lying around the house and no one can seem to throw it away and I saw this headline:

"Learn How To Act and Feel Until You Figure Yourself Out."

Excuse me? What are they teaching these girls? I remember liking that magazine when I was around 13 or 14. Maybe even younger. And I subscribed to it for more than a few years, piling up magazine after magazine in my bedroom shelves. Eventually I would toss a huge pile away, feeling that I learned everything there was to learn from them and keeping only a few especially awesome ones. Then, suddenly I'm actually seventeen years old reading seventeen magazine and I don't like it anymore. I see past a lot of the junk filling its pages and realize that it's all rubbish, minus an article here and there. I found myself arguing with the people in the pages as I would mindlessly flip threw a new one. Sometimes I would toss them aside and not read them at all.

I just don't understand who they are helping. If all the legit articles and interesting things in Seventeen magazine were to be compiled, leaving everything else out, it would only be about twenty pages long, if that. I don't mind the interviews with celebrities, its always interesting to see what they have to say to the dumb questions that the Seventeen Mag. interviewer has to ask. And there are some pages with cool "how to's" and some challenging work-outs here and there. They always have some strange facts to say about your..uh.. VJ.

Vagina.

But its stupid. I can recommend way better reading material for younger people.

(Not Cosmo!Girl. Or Cosmo. We cant even get into that at all. Not now. Not ever. Ugh.)

Let me know if you need some help in this area of your life. An area that I am quite familiar with as I have been known to spend the large sum of money at B&N buying magazines..

Also: I am very bored. I feel small. Like a little iceberg in my melting world.

My Ball Fell Off.

2008-05-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

No, really. It did.

The ball on my monroe piercing. I've been dreading today...the day my ball would fall off.

And I also hate when these kind of things happen on saturday nights. I need to go get a replacement ball tomorrow and my gramma even agreed to get it FOR me. But will the place be open tomorrow?!?!?!?? Not certain. And I cant wait long. It might......close...up....

UGH!!

So, You Want To Be An Entertainer?

2008-05-31T03:35:00.001-07:00

I am highly self-confident.

At least right now in life. Well, my ego is pretty large. I have quite a number of fears, yes, but fighting those has never been easier. Thanks to PROTECT-O-BALL!

Not really.

But I've just come to realize what I really want in life. So many things, too many to list right now, right here. I mean, I know where I want to go, what I want to see, what I want to experience. I know WHAT I WANT. I know what I'm good for. And how much better I can be. My only problem is figuring out how to get there and how to be okay in meantime. There's always meantime. I don't like meantime.

I had Grasso's tonight for dinner. Probably not the healthiest choice, but I hardly remember eating very much at all. I think I was more full of laughter and life than actual food. Alisha invited me to go with everyone (everyone= Alisha, Me, Courtney, Abbie, Makenzie, Alexis, Lori, Megan, Dyani, Hannah, and another Megan) out to dinner then to see the new Sex and The City movie that came out today. Dinner was amazing, as always, and everyone had a good time laughing and all their fave carbonated bev's. (This make me think of Bev Mo! Weird store.) The movie was pretty pornographic, actually. So many boobs and butts and sex and sexual words and grunting and sweating and the word f*** and groping and that one threesome. Wow. Hahhah. But it's kind of like some porn in the middle of a spongebob movie. Just close your eyes, do whatever you gotta do, and then move on and enjoy the rest of the movie. It's different that you're average really dirty movie because it's in lives of these fours very interesting women and...sex happens. And it was very enjoyable, all in all. (TWSS!) Besides the boom mics that were visible %15 of the time and the crappy audio at the end during all the magical parts. But that still didn't break any of the Carrie Fever going around the theater.

I really hardly ever eat during the day at all anymore. I cant remember the last time I had a decent breakfast and it's been about a week since I've had lunch. There's always a dinner, I have to eat that. Because if I don't I will wake up in the middle of the night with strong temptations to eat the very delicious assortment of treats in kitchen that we keep around for my Grampa, the man with biggest sweet tooth. I think maybe that's just how Grampa's are. Perhaps. I don't mean to generalize. Well, actually I do. Accept it.

I'm not very fond of apostrophe's. I am also not very fond of the following: mushrooms, Junior mints, bad breath, wool blankets (wool coats are okay.), Kevin Bacon, colored pencils, Chanel No. 5, rye bread, apples on a salad, pineapple on pizza, when movie theatre food costs more than your movie ticket, my Grampa's driving, egg foo young, and empty malls (they're creepy.)

But I do miss how the food in the caf sometimes looked like a type of bird.

If You See It Then You Understand.

2008-05-29T03:05:00.000-07:00

I am awake. I am very awake.

I am editing a video that MB and I made about a week ago... Yes, a week.

My editing skills are still pro. but this video is a very complicated one. It just doesnt flow, and I'm being anal about every second of footage. Well its just about done actually, I just keep making up reasons to edit more.

Today, I saw my dog throw up. Twice. I guess playing fetch is just too hard on the little guy.

Also, I would just like to lay this out there. I miss high school. I miss every second of it (besides those few days during the dreaded SRP.) And I would also like to say that I love Brawley. Its alright for such a small town. It doesn't feel so small. I feel like I'm in the right place at the right time ALL the time when I'm home. It feels bigger here than it did in Riverside. Although the trek to Disneyland is more like a road trip now rather than a quick drive. I really like road trips, though.

AND. I found 35mm film. And I put it in my Yashica Camera. And I THINK I took pictures with it. I'm 85% sure. I'm just new at this. Hahha, I guess we'll see.

AND. I was looking at this girl's myspace tonight, or lurking perhaps...

A girl that this guy I used to like a lot is supposed to marry in a few years. I think it is called betrothed. Anyway, he is one stand up guy. He's amazing, actually. And I've met her once. I have to be honest, she's nothing to write home about. Sure, she takes fancy angled pictures with her sidekick, wears the right about of lip gloss, knows a lot of bro's from screamo bands, txts all effin' day, doesn't eat meat, wears big puffy sweaters with asian cartoons on them, probably likes gloomy bear, sells merch, and is BR00T4L. But she smokes and drinks...and parties. He doesn't do those things. He doesn't even like those things. She also has the highest pitched voice I/dogs have ever heard. Hmm, I dont even know if dogs CAN hear it. Maybe this is mean... Yeah, this is mean.

Sorry, he can do better.

That's enoouuugh. (I think it should be spelled enughfe. Way fancier.)

News To Me.

2008-05-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

That there would be the city of Galway in the Republic of Ireland. I feel like I am floating in the water when I look at this.

My life has been so interesting lately. Its kind of surprising when I think about everything that has happened to me lately all at once. I will try to list a few of those things for you now.

1st: School stuff. A lot, more than a lot maybe, has happened in that area of my life and the ball is still rollin'. I'm just trying not to get myself too crazed over it and just breathe more often than not. I actually have a hard time just talking about it. I get really nauseous and start to sweat and once the thoughts pick up their pace, its hard slowing them back down. But, deep down, I am really not worried. I know without a doubt, God will carry me through this, and I will come out on the other side looking back at an adventure rather than a failure. Oh, that word. Is it hot in here?

2nd: Photography. I have become 1200% more interested in it in the past few weeks than ever in my life. I recently bought a Diana+ camera and some film for it and began perusing the many photographical(?) stores on Amazon.com, like Photoworld, and found a number of things I want really really horribly much. I also have this camera called the Yashica MG-1, an old 35mm film camera and am waiting for a battery and some film for that to arrive in the mail. I am getting better and better at taking pictures and having an eye for what I want to photograph. Polaroids also have taken a bit of my heart lately, making each picture much more dreamy and interesting that it looks in real life. If my scanner were working with my Mac, then I would have a lot more p-roids (hahaha) on my myspace than I do now. Dont worry, customer service has definitely not heard enough from me, yet!

3rd: I have a lifestyle brand? Apparently, I am an Alt Hipster, my own fashion/music identity according to HRO, a interestingly hilarious and rather infamous blog I stumbled upon. I looked at many of the other blogs listed on the right side of HRO's page, and they all confirm this. By the way I dress (e.g. wearing scarves, glasses that aren't really glasses, checkered shirts, Toms, raybans, tights for pants, ect.) that I am indeed this alt. girl. At first, I was really upset that I was falling into such an annoying definition of style. But with a closer look and reading many more posts, I realized than I am alright with it. I am not exactly completely alternative, as it turns out. I do not and will not wear shutter shades as popularized by good ole Kanye. (Caution: DO NOT WEAR THESE. They will ruin your vision, allow the sun to burn your eyebrows off, and make you look stupid.) And I don't do drugs, get my drink on, and party with the sweatiest of all sweaty asians, Steve Aoki (Dim Mak). And we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves once in a while. I used to wear a Barney dress to school almost everyday when I was little, my choice. I used to wear two t-shirts at a time without any rhyme or reason, making me hotter than I should have been, and I would hastily deny that fact. I still laugh when looking at old pictures of myself and cant wait to laugh at myself later on, but why not start now? Somedays I am more Indie, somedays more Alternative, most days Hipster. What can ya do.

4th: My friends are getting married? When did I get this old?! My good friend from most of my adult life, Kaylee Liniewics (formerly Kaylee Perryman) got married to Bill Liniewics Sunday afternoon and I was there, along with just about every Valley-ite and Pondo-ite to witness it. It was just surreal. To think.. Kaylee is a married woman living with man in an apartment that looks like a barn in El Cajon. The ceremony was small, but so perfect. Everything was romantic and dreamy and beautiful. The reception was just the right length of time, the food was delicious, and everyone was elated. She will probably be preggers soon, she's always wanted kids. She will be a parent?WTF!! I guess this is just the first of many weddings and this is probably what other people go through too. It definitely gonna take some getting used to.

5th: Nutrisystem is still one of the roughest diets I've ever been on. Honestly, don't do it unless you're trying to lose a LOT of weight. Go with weight watchers, that shiz works and you can still...eat. Now, I cant complain really because Nutrisystem does really work and for food made with more soy that I could ask for, its pretty tasty sometimes. But I am a late sleeper, especially as of late since I dont have much to wake up for but I love to stay up late. So therefore, attempting to eat a Nutrisystem breakfast everyday is kind of difficult. But I am trying to wake up earlier. I am waiting for Marybeth to start exercising in the gym...She's kind of my partner in that area. We're in this together!

6th: OMG LOST. What in the world. Nothing is coming together, nothing makes sense. That show is my favorite show and I need to know WHATS GOING ON. Okay, anyway.

7th: I'm watching an episode of The Office and Dwight just asked Oscar, "Have you ever...pooped....a balloon?"

8th: I like someone. Not with all of me, not as much as...some people in the past. But I do. I just really enjoy talking to this person, He makes me laugh, He has good hair, and has the ability to grow a beard. I just thought I would share this, since its new and kind of cool. We always have a good time together and tend to get a few words out through the laughter. This will be a good summer.

I Will Not Give Up.

2008-05-20T01:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Brooklyn,

The Admissions and Retention Committee has considered your appeal of Academic Suspension. The University believes that academic excellence and strong academic standards are very important. These processes are ways that these standards are maintained and enforced, and they are in place for the benefit of you, the student.

Your appeal was considered and denied by the Committee. This means you will not be eligible to enroll for the next semester.

I WILL return to CBU. whatever it takes.

Falling, Slowly.

2008-05-17T02:11:00.000-07:00

This is a poem that I wrote quite a while ago on my quite unused myspace blog.

writing in inks red and yellow hues,
by-pass the exterior basking in blues,
stands of hair whip around and secrets are let loose,
light is burned into your retinas, little dots are produced.
your gaze tranfixes on the line in the sky,
focus turns to blur, a flock beings to fly.
the bicycle of the long haired boy seems only a spec,
you tilt your head back to feel the sun on your neck.
all custom of thought stands completely still,
asleep in their beds, the town has had its fill.
flinging your head forward, you lean out from the wall
your grip on the concrete ledge loosens and you begin to fall.

I also start to explain how I understand that it seems like a person is jumping off a building, perhaps committing suicide? I wanted to express the feeling of falling in love and letting go, letting it fill you. I have to say, I'm not a top notch poet, nor am I a poet really at all. I'm more of a comedian than I am a poet. And I'm more of a mass of confusion and mumbling than I am comedian. Am I entertaining? Probably.

I guess I wrote on a day when I was feeling especially deep because I cant even really attempt to write anything remotely relevant these days. Not even if I try really hard or get a dictionary out. Haha. I'm not even sure what time of my life I wrote this in. I go through various stages and quite frequently, actually. But I guess thats like everyone else in my generation. Or degeneration, rather. I am hoping that as I go through these "stages" or whatever they are, that I start to change for the better. I wanna be good and do good. And see good. And encourage the spreading of all that goodness. And most importantly, someday, on a day however near or far, I want to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

I would also like to add that "Falling Slowly", a song from the movie Once, is a fantastic song. Better than buttered toast. Better than front row seats at U2 on Ice (does it exist? I dont know. But it should.) Better than finally getting that popcorn flakey thing out from between your teeth and your gums. Better than the compliment, "you smell nice." Better than not getting any cheesy email forwards for a whole week. Better than buying whole wheat bread and having it actually taste good. Better than finally teaching your old dog a new trick. Yeah, I know right.

Compliment Like Colors.

2008-05-13T03:31:00.001-07:00

Alisha and I are the best of friends. We take good pictures together, I have to admit. The other day, we drove out to a field and took about half my memory card's worth of keepers along with a few polaroids. ("We are gladiators!")

A Sad Story

2008-05-13T02:57:00.000-07:00

I just read this story online and I am completely heartbroken and lovestruck.

I like this feeling and at the same time I want to run away from it. It's all too much and not enough. Its what I want and will never reach out to.

Just read and you'll know.

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo’s fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she’s not that good-looking. She doesn’t stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn’t young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She’s the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there’s a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you’re drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I’ll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can’t recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It’s weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don’t know. I can’t seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She’s walking east to west, and I west to east. It’s a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I’d really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we’d have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I’d sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I’m not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who’s going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn’t believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you’re not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I’d probably go to pieces. I’d never recover from the shock. I’m thirty-two, and that’s what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can’t bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She’s written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she’s ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She’s lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don’t you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I’ve been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you’re the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I’d pictured you in every detail. It’s like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It’s a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one’s dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let’s test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other’s 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we’ll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other’s 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season’s terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence’s piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don’t you think?

Yes, that’s it, that is what I should have said to her.

Puddle On The Floor.

2008-05-09T00:26:00.000-07:00

There are few faces on this planet earth that literally melt me. Not even faces, just entire personalities. And yes, melting, in this situation, is a good thing. And I am unable to deny the fact that one of these souls is John Krasinski. I don't know what it is about him, or rather, I don't know what it isn't. But I just cant do it. I cant watch a movie preview, The Office, or look a Gap advertisement without feeling like I'm floating off the ground. I honestly wish on 11:11 most nights that I could maybe be friends with him someday. I mean, is that so much to ask? He seems like a pretty cool guy, as far as I can tell AND he makes me float. Hhahaha. Sounds crazy, but everyone keeps saying that this is "a small world, after all." Well then, these wishes must not be too far fetched, we're in pretty close proximity. Here he is. You might want to tie yourself down to your chair or glue your shoes to the floor.

AND! If you maybe wanna look at more pictures of John Krasinski hanging out with death cab on tour, check out this guy's photography page.

Now, I'm off to bed. I've have kind of a long day. I had a photoshoot tonight and I will share the photographs tomorrow. :)

All Good Things.

2008-05-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

I miss school. Not necessarily the whole going to class part. But mostly the hanging out with people part. The community. The stupid conversations. The umbrella attacks. The long lunches. The slow walks to the dorms. The trips to swirl. The cheesy but catchy songs. The late night lobby talks. The LOST marathons. The simultaneous echoing laughter down the halls from everyone watching the same show at the same time. The worship in chapel. The texting game. The face I make when I do that. The constant avoidance of homework. The way I walk behind Liz all the time. The danger in opening a window. The double-cupping. The late night breakfasts. The fountain over flowing with bubbles. The cheering heard out the window coming from the water polo games. The random concerts on the slab. The youtube video sharing. The late night beach trips. The many firsts. The many lasts. The borrowing of everyones clothes. The surprising return of a movie you forgot you loaned to someone. The peeing in roommates beds (...uhh.) The plant abductions. The little notes I would find in my box. The hugs I would get on the way to the Caf. The way the third floor lobby had the best chairs. The way no one was quiet in the library. The unfortunate chair-breaking's. The hair cutting in the laundry room. The way everyone always went in Liz's room to steal candy. The office quotes. The weird noises Evan would make. The visits to Male Choral's practices. The way we would all see movies together and take up a whole row of seats. The rambunctiousness in target. The puzzles we would never finish. The weekends that were way too short. The most stressful but amazing year of my life. so far.

Detached.

2008-05-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

I am finally out of school. I am officially no longer a freshman in college and am now a sophomore. I moved out of my dorm room yesterday with the help of my grandparents and Ben. I cannot tell you how annoying that was. My R.A. Heidi was entirely too anal about the whole "check-out" process and made me scrub the walls and the top of the closet, and I had to vacuum three times. I 0nly was charged $24 for damages which is good compared to everyone else. After all that, about an hour after starting the check out thing, ben took me over to the library to return books and print out some crap. I had to handle as issue with the Dept. of Education with a random verification on my FAFSA forms. Long story, but it is now over and dealt with! Okay so, after an extremely long day at school, we were done. Nothing of mine is left at CBU except for two records and a scarf that my friend Hannah has. After a while, Liz and her mom came to pick me up so I could stay the night at their house for some last minute Liz and Ben time. And it was good, but I was so sleepy that I couldn't stay up to watch Whose Line Is It Anyway with then, which I am a little bummed about, I have to admit. They watched it with Liz's brother, who I have yet to really talk to.. and I really wanna talk to the guy. .. uhh haha. Anyway, yesterday I also discovered that my monroe fell out, most likely while I was washing my face, but didn't have time to go get a new one. So I made sure it didn't close up overnight and Liz took me down to the Electric Chair to get a new one. The guy offered to put it in for me, and I thought that was a pretty good idea since it was a new kind of piercing. Minutes later I'm sitting on the chair, in pain, as he complains about the way the original guy pierced my lip at an angle, and attempting to stab the piercing through the hole once more. He says he cant really re-pierce me so he would just keep trying. eventually, after pretty much destroying the right side of my mouth, he got it to go through and I sat up and basically bolted out of there. She took me back to the hotel and dropped me off. But I'm not home yet. I am sitting in a hotel room just down the street from the school watching Dennis the Menace with my grandparents while eating hot cheetos and drinking raspberry tea. I am staying for graduation on Saturday morning. I couldn't miss it, man. I know a bunch of people who are graduating and it's a big deal! They have degrees now. I dream of that day. It seems so far away. So the wait here in this hotel room with nothing to do.. its worth it.

I'm really only sad about leaving everyone. I'm basically packing up and leaving my entire social life here for four months. I can't believe college would do that to me! Hahah, how dare it. Make love a huge group of people and then make me leave them for the longest summer. Usually, my friends and I are celebrating over the summer, altogether. And now we all have to celebrate it apart. Yes, I do get to go home to Marybeth and some Brawley peoples. But I have met so many amazing people to add to that, thats its just.. it makes me sad.

Now i think i will take a nap and wait for someone to tell me whats going on with watching the Office...since I have a feeling I will be up late tonight anyway.

I CANT MISS THE OFFICE@!P(@*#)(&#.

Finishing the Race.

2008-04-28T02:47:00.000-07:00

I am almost done with my freshmen year at Cal Baptist.

I can hardly believe it. I have today (it's nighttime right now, but I am pulling an all-nighter so..), a presentation in English and turning my FINAL RESEARCH PAPER. And then tomorrow when I hand in all my art crap. Not crap. Okay, yeah crap. And then, thats IT. I am done. There is one thing that will always kill me, over and over again, for all of my days (I think.) And that thing is the impending fact that I am probably two days away from flunking out of college. Not probably, in my heart I believe it is already said and done. I guess we will see.

There is also one tiny glimmer of hope. If I have in fact flunked out of college, I can write a letter to appeal it, explaining the hell that I have been through this semester. Hopefully that will work. If not, I guess I will have a semester at IVC to look forward to. Oh Lord, please. Please....

So now I must get back to my homework, and hope that my brain stays alert enough for just a little bit longer.

Indeed, Your Heart.

2008-04-27T02:30:00.000-07:00

"Any movie you can make fun of.. is a good movie. Automatically."

Just got back from watching a little bit of the movie Selena at Courtney's cottage with Steff. So good, reminds me of watching it with Marybeth as a kid. Our favorite part is still quite magical. When Selena's father, Abraham, asks her if she knows what is "in here", pointing to his chest, she replies with a high pitched squeak, "Your heart!" Its just.. yeah. See the movie if you haven't. Not the greatest film, but it happened. Its sad and horrifying. But heartwarming, still.

On the way back to my dorms I got my daily verse emailed to me.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking."- James 1:5

And I did ask for it.

Also! Saw the movie Baby Mama tonight too. SO GOOD. Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler should forevermore do movies together.

That is all.

Okay, Fine!

2008-04-21T17:14:00.001-07:00

I have decided.

Well, that in itself is something. But seriously, I have decided. I am going to make something of myself. More and more I am finding out things that I love to do. I desire to be determined and achieve things, all for the glory of God. I am actually opening my eyes to what is important in this life, and I want to do those things! I have an immense amount of worries in my life right now, so to empower me to push through them, I am setting goals. Not only goals, but figure out what to do with myself. And find a way to do it, no matter how outlandish. Starting here and now. The changes wont come immediately, I just have to let you know I am trying. I am finally trying.

(and also I wanted to say that I am really going to miss Liz this summer and in the fall. But this too shall pass.)

My Brain Is Broken.

2008-04-14T00:34:00.000-07:00

This research paper is literally killing me. I mean, honestly, I think it wants to jump out of the screen at me and rip my face off. Its kind of scary actually. And I think in this battle, the paper would win. I can hardly even imagine what its like for seniors right now having to write fifty page capstones (cough, courtney, cough.) I am not going to let this paper take me down with out a fight. So here's the plan. I am going to take a bubble bath and meditate over my outline for this motherf$%*)W(*#@((QW)... paper. And then I am going to come back in here and pound out as many pages as my little heart can handle. I will attempt to stay awake as I possible can. This is all that I can do. Wish me luck. The next time you hear from me, I will be far from this evil time in my life.

Pride and Prejudice

2008-04-06T22:53:00.001-07:00

A movie that I am watching the last out of four times this weekend. I borrowed it from Liz this past week, and am so happy that I did for quite a few reasons. For one, I always tend to have a level of grammar a notch above normal after seeing it once again. Secondly, it calms me down. I am kind of like a rabbit when it comes to getting shaken up, in that I can be very easily. (Note: I do very well in the hot summer months, though. unlike rabbits. Thank the Lord.) I am a stressed out person, but I can be extremely good at hiding it. Procrastination is key. But, in the end, that tactic only worsens the situation. But that's another story. This movie knows exactly what to show me to lower my heartbeat and slow my thoughts down to a normal speed. I tend to feel extremely motivated when the credits roll after all that much needed relaxation. While I do seem to do less than most people in this busy world, I rarely ever feel relaxed. It's like my muscles are always tense and ready to pounce upon any invader of comfort. Irritability and nervousness set in soon enough and before you know it, I'm making to-do lists. But I pop that DVD into the player and take a step back from the long line of stresses and see what's clearly important and what can sit on the back burner for a while. Now, I can't exactly say that I have had many incidents where this movie has turned my weekend upside-down considering I only realized this entire idea a few days ago (during viewing #2). But I intend to check and re-check myself, and my grammar by watching this movie regularly. Who knows, before long, I might actually pick up the book and read it. Although that might require much-needed patience and time. Know any good movies?

take a gander.

I Wouldnt Mind Meeting You.

2008-03-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

you little sugar glider you.

You're Never Fully Dressed

2008-03-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

so last night, I committed my first felony.

I didn't think I would ever say that in my life, but once you hear what I have to say, you will understand. I haven't ruined my life with this act, but rather, improved my skills in handling a spontaneous situation of boredom.

My friend Ben and I were awaiting the arrival of our friend Liz at a movie theatre in Corona (one that was supposedly non-existent..."It was 18, Ben. 18!") While we were figuring out a movie to see, he mentioned that we should go to Starbucks since he works there and gets sweet discounts. That sounded amazing since it was completely freezing outside, chilling us to the bones at about 400 degrees below zero. Or something like that. We go inside and before ordering find out that the movie to see is 10,000 B.C., or so we were told by a guy Ben knows from South Africa. Obviously his opinion is automatically boss.

From that moment on, we continued to explore the outer regions of the theatre, patiently waiting for Liz to show up. No text, no call. Where could she be? Ben decided he wants to take some pictures by the fountain, so we do. A serious of strange happenings occur after this normal event consisting of confusing spanish for japanese, considering a job a sbarro, talking to the entire building of barnes and noble, thinking about walking over there, decided to drive, noticing its closed, trying to drive through a hedge, and then finally the happening of all happenings. As we're laughing imagining Liz arriving to movies only to see us not waiting outside the theatre but a couple parking lots away attempting to drive straight through a hedge, Ben says, "Hey, uhm, let's just like drive around and find something to shoot. I have a paintball gun." At the moment, my brain had been slightly unhinged by the amount of coffee I had just consumed and the amount of boredom I was dying to unleash on the world, so I just decided to do it. Yeah, let's shoot something.

Okay, I can agree at this point that shoot public property with a paintball gun is a bad idea and, according to Tim, even though its not a real gun, it's still a felony. Oh tim and your pancake.. cake.

Whilst shooting the paintball gun at a concrete wall, Ben drives by a plastic bag on the ground and I say, "shoot the bag!" and he does, also causing a salad to slip out of the bag. He shot that as well. Soon we exited the parking lot, discovering that Liz was, in fact, not going to be able to make it to the movies because the worship team practice was running really late (and not going very well apparently). We drove onto the freeway, and while listening to the adrenaline boosting Underoath, we decided to... shoot the sides of Semi's and trailers. I know, I know, I know.

But we did it nevertheless. Well, I did it actually. Also, I accidentally shot Ben's side mirror and the floor of his jeep. Such good times, lemme tell ya.

Eventually we did correspond with Liz, just as soon as we got back to school. Far away from Corona.. hahhaa. We drive back to Corona to meet her at Denny's and we have a splendid time reenacting the entire night to Liz and taking pictures while eating an early breakfast (since it was 2:30 at this time.) Afterwards, Liz wants to shoot the gun too, since she missed out on the fun earlier, and as soon as we get to the perfect spot, one shot was fired, not by her, and the gun ran out of CO2. What horrible timing. I lay in the road for a little bit while while Ben and Liz take pictures of me, and turns out, when I lay in the road, I look like a fish wearing oversized shoes. Interesting. After all that, we drove Liz back to her car at Denny's and then Ben took me back to the dorms. Right to the front door actually. Hope he didn't ruin the grass. Haha.

This was not intended to be a confession, but more of a confectionary dwawdleedum. I'm not entirely sure what that means exactly, but Lauren is utterly sure that it makes perfect sense in all the right places.

Love in the time of...

2008-03-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

well. right now.

I could really use some love. In any form, basically. Mostly in the form of company, I suppose. I'm sitting here reading for an essay I should've written hours ago and I'm starting to feel pretty alone. I know I'm never alone in the most literal sense because, for one, Lauren is only about four feet away from me sleeping like a baby...or a stump. If stumps sleep. Anyway, then there's the other side of things. I always have God right here with me, watching and hearing everything I do, caring for me in the best way every passing second. But it's human interaction that I need, obviously. The kind of love one person shares for another.

I had a really good day today. I woke up on time, and got ready pretty quickly since I knew before i went to bed last night what i was wearing today. Also, because it's what I wore to the Easter/birthday party at my cousin's house on Sunday. So it made things a lot simpler. Then after getting to class about ten minutes late, like always, I sat with Ashley and Adriann and listened to Jeff Lewis talk about God's heart for the nations. He mentioned one thing that really got to me today, and I guess pertains to my whole feelings of loneliness. He asked if any of us has noticed whether or not that when people pray for others, they say "God, please be with so and so.." Then he went on to explain how if our brains weren't turned off prior to every prayer, then we would realize that God is already with them! And I probably looked a little awkward nodding eagerly in his general direction the entire time he was talking about this. I just couldn't help it, it was so true, It just hit me like a sack of cheese-its. The Hot & Spicy kind (which I bought this evening at Stater Bros. with Stephanie, just so you know.)

So after class was out, I walked out into the sunshine leaving behind me my art class which I should've gone to next but decided to go to lunch instead. First bad decision of the day, but I can happily say that it's only one of a less amount that usual. I walked by the Caf and saw Liz, Hannah, Evan, Erin, Ben, and the whole gang. A hot bunch, lemme just say. And then when I walked into the "swipey area" as we all oddly call it, I see Liz bounding towards me like a gazelle. Moments later, she is hanging from me like a really heavy sweater and talking crazy speak while little Wanda watches in amazement. So, the plan is that Liz will go to class for about ten minutes, since apparently she can do that, and then we're off to the beach! I really felt like today called for a little ocean, sand, magazine-reading, and dream-telling. And thats exactly what we did! First we stopped at Wal-greens so I could purchase the latest issue of Vogue, a double pack of polaroids, and a bottle of water. After a brief "face of death" encounter with a hispanic lady at the exit/entrance of the store, we set off on our adventure. On the way, I get some things off my chest to Liz about her latest boy. (Not "latest" in the terms that the word is used. I mean.. the one she likes now. hahah) And at the end of the conversation, I felt that everything was much lighter than it was before and decided to listen some good music and dance. Once we got into Newport, I noticed that it looks a lot like Coronado and parts of San Diego. Liz has never been there, so I asked her, "Do you love it here?" And she swung her head down as if giving up even trying to explain how much she loves the place and replied, "Yes. I mean, I practically grew up here." Then I told her how much she would love San Diego. Plans in the making? Yes.

Once we got our quarters in the parking meter, we headed for the perfect spot. Which it was, except for the one time an umbrella attempted to decapitate Liz. And she was right, that sunscreen does go really far. Anyway, after watching a group of asian girls bury one of their own in the sand and then stand around to take no doubt pictures for myspace after, I received a wake up call and realized that I should be heading back to school. Before spring break, I promised Erin that I would help her with this solo project she's starting with our friend Andrew. This is all to raise money for ISP, I believe. Sometimes I'm a bad listener and a really good day dreamer at the same time, and that's just not a good thing. She's recording a CD of.. well, a lot of things. And I am scheduled to be a hidden track on the CD, doing a rendition of "Bootz", a stupid song about boots that I wrote about two months ago OR The Deuce Deuce Riot rap from the new student retreat which I am still pretty famous for. Either way, it should cause people to fall out of their chairs in a fit of laughter or confusion, if and when they discover the hidden track. So, as we begin rushing back to Riverside so I can be hastily dropped off at Andrew's apt., we discover traffic... everywhere. Bad traffic. And normally I'm a pretty huge fan of traffic, because I like riding in the car with friends, and traffic just tends to prolong that which is no problem with me. But I honestly do understand why people hate it so much. Today, I had to be somewhere and getting stuck in traffic was not welcome in my schedule of things to do. So after being an hour and a half late to the recording, Erin informs me, while I am still in traffic, that we are going to do the recording another day. And THAT day, I can tell you, I will not be going to the beach or anywhere that involves getting on a freeway for that matter. I really want to be a part of her project, so I've got to take all precautions.

Then! On our way back, we stop at Liz' house so she can pick up a few things she'll need to use to get ready here at school since she left all of her stuff she normally has here at home. I watch a commercial for Nutrisystem and make a mental note that I should start that again this summer. We leave and Liz explains to me in spanish that we should stop by Subway on the way back to school and split a five dollar footlong. This sounds like a brilliant idea so I agree to it. It was in fact a good idea, and we got a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki footlong with all the chicken on my side since Liz' "Daniel Fast" isn't over for about another five or so days. Then Liz realizes that she really needs to get gas, asks me what she should do, and I just tell her to do it. And she needed someone to hold "the lever thingy" while she sticks the pump in. Haha, oh man.

Finally we get back to school, and I rush up to the room, because by this time I am ten minutes late for a small Bible study that I am leading! I walk inside the room to find Lauren and Paige chatting it up and breath a sigh of relief knowing that there was at least twenty more minutes of this about to happen. I sit my stuff down and wait for Liz to cut the sandwich in half and bring me mine. To be honest, I hadnt prepared at all for the Bible study and on the way over was basically panicking about what I was going to talk about. We do our Bible studies on the attributes, characteristics, or names of God. I've done Jehovah Jireh and Lauren has talked about God justness. Tonight it was all about how God is LOVE. WHAT! I know, why didnt I think of that from the start. Well, I really just read a lot of scripture, which everyone seems to like because that's why we started this Bible study anyway. Its not called a "read this book that this lady wrote and talk about it" study. Its not a "watch this video of a sermon and then answer the questions in this book" study. Its called a Bible study. So thats exactly what we planned to do. And what we have been doing. The Bible study normally only consists of me and Lauren and then our regular attendees, Courtney and Paige. Courtney has been busy with Senior things lately, so the group has been switched up a lot, which I really like. Tonight it was just Lauren, Paige, and I and the girls talked about boyfriends and what to do with living situations next year while I secretly prepared. Lauren proclaimed that she was feeling pretty sick, and with each cough came another even louder cough and another sickness complaint. Not that she isn't really sick, its just the process of getting sick that's funny. People always want to let you know exactly what's going so horribly wrong with their bodies, and what better way by coughing and running your hand over your flushed face mumbling, "I don' feew good." And Lauren just dramatizes everything else up, so why not this? I do think she's honestly under the weather, to finish this unnecessary point.

After bible study, Liz comes waltzing in reminding me that wanted to look something up on the internet earlier, and that we should do it now. We both saw a billboard for "Moonvertisements". Yes, like advertisements projected on the moon. We are extremely gullible girls, let me just tell you. We thought this was real, and started looking up information on it. We tried to find the website that was on the bottom of the billboard, and it didn't exist apparently. This should've given it away to us right off the bat. But we hesitated for a moment and continued the search. Finally, we ended up on Yahoo! Answers and discovered that our hopes and dreams placed in this Moonvertising were all lofty and drifted away from us just as fast as we had conjured them. Then, we decided to watch the T.V. show The Hills' star, Heidi Montag's, ridiculous music video for her song "Higher" which was described by the tabloids as a huge joke. We read the article inside while waiting in line at Juice It Up! and were stoked to find out that Heidi had in fact hired Spencer Pratt to do the filming, with which he did a horrible job turned the cheap video shoot into a disaster for Heidi's musical career. Liz, Lauren and I laughed hysterically at the video and at the spoof's and parodies made just after it's release. So good.

Then I received a text that read, "Hey, do you wanna come with me to Target in like an hour?" It was from Alisha, and I immediately agreed. At almost exactly an hour later, she called me saying she was just outside waiting. So I ran down stairs and we were off. At target I saw my good friend Adrian's fiance. I had never seen her face to face before, only on myspace, so right away when I saw her, I didnt really know where I knew her from. I kindly smiled and walked in another direction. I hurried over to Alisha to say who, I had just seen and admitted that I should've turned around and caught up to her so I could meet her and introduce myself. But that time has come and gone, so hopefully I will get to meet her soon. After I got back, so did lauren. She had gone to eat dinner with Caitlin, her BFF and came in on the phone with Cory experiencing bad reception. I decided to quietly wash the dishes and then start on my essay. Then a girl on my hall, Stephanie, asked if I would go with her to Stater Bros. I agreed, and the look on her face suggested that she didn't expect that answer at all. She mentioned she had to get Cranberry Juice because she thought she was getting a bladder infection. You have to know, this girl isn't exactly very well liked by girls on our hall, or anyone she comes in contact with for that matter. She's very rude and prude. Wow, she rhymes. She will compliment something about you only to smatter the next few comments she makes with snide remarks about things she thinks you could improve upon. She also has a mom haircut, so she looks extra demeaning. But just because of this doesn't mean I would pass up the perfect chance to get to know her better by going to store with her. It was actually really fun. I made the mistake of prompting a guy behind us in line that he was welcome to set his stuff down because there was plenty of room. He then began to explain nearly his entire life to me and let's just say it got more awkward that it should've. Plus, the people of stater bros. banned together at check out counter #5 to retrieve a balloon attempting to make its escape by floating up to the ceiling and refusing to come down. Eventually they did it though, with a loud roar of applause and laughter following. I shouted, "ALMOST!" at one point in time during the capturing. I guess I accidentally got kind of into it. Anyone could do it, simple mistake. Hahaha

Then I came back here to my room, and sat. Procrastinating for a while. Lauren talked to me for a bit about her boyfriend problems and then turned the T.V. on and rolled over for bed while I sat here contemplating how much time would I let pass before I opened Word and worked on my paper.

Here I am, no paper completed but plan on emailing it to her tomorrow when I'm finished with it. But I did find energy to write this. I am so strange. Well, to whoever reads this, you probably should find some sort of hobby besides reading all my pointless ramblings of a day that was supposed to be pretty good but turned out to sound vaguely mediocre, at best. Good luck in all your endeavors, I must be headed off to sleep now. I will sleep soundly, and tomorrow I will try to make really good decisions.

Tomorrow I get to sign up for classes for the Fall. Six classes. Lets hope I get to walk into them in September.

I Go Nowhere.

2008-03-25T00:11:00.000-07:00

Therefore, I've got to push myself somewhere. I can't technically "go" and then be "nowhere", so I must just not be "going". I'm slightly tired of the world and all of it's goings and since I am a part of the world, I feel like I'm going. Lately I've felt like I would much rather stop and stare. I just want to watch people make their dreams a reality while mine sit on the back burner for a while and caramelize. I actually feel like I'm floating. Every emotion is like a gust of wind, blowing me this way and that and every now and then, I gently glide down and rest upon the tops of high-rises and old men's fancy top hats. I've got to get my feet back on the ground. And run. As fast as I can. Mark my words, I will survive. Not only will I confirm that with passing college this year and the next three (or four...), but I will make something of myself. A great something. A something worth talking about. Even if you don't. Right now I am eating a slice of humble pie, and I'm pretty sure I'm allergic. But someday, I will be able to have a humble-pie-free diet.

Out of Control

2008-03-19T01:41:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what is going on anymore. I officially resign myself from citizenship on this planet because apparently it has decided to turn its back on me and go insane. I say this because a serious of occurrances have been layed out behind me, all of them connecting, all of them unexpected. I hardly know where to begin, or whether I wish to begin at all. I normally dont like summarizing either since I am known to be a most supreme storyteller and summing things up is not in my nature. Making lists, however, is indeed in my nature. But this week is nearly unlistable, since I dont plan on naming names and events. I am in a pickle.

Okay, okay. I'm beating around the mulberry bush. I'll get to the point. (one quick note: why does the rhyme "Here We Go 'Round The Mulberry Bush" end with "ashes, ashes, we all fall down!" It used to freak meout as a kid.) This spring break is the one to end all spring breaks. I like to call it "The Week of Like." Since the night before the first day of spring break, things have been falling apart. Or torn apart, rather. It all started on Thursday, my birthday of all days, and ended at 5 a.m. Friday morning. My heart was silently broken that night/morning, but there's not much I can do about it. Its the strangest feeling. Like anger, sadness, thankfulness, frustration, happiness, and pity all went to the roller disco and skated over me all night. No one knew what I was going through at the time, and I hardly doubt that many people do now. I felt so awkward, more than ever in my life. But I also felt it was job to not say a word. Not a peep. If two people find such chemistry in each other... what can I do? Unrequited love....
So I didn't say a word. "Best of happiness to you both" is all I have to say.

And throughout the weekend, updates have been filling my cellphones inbox concerning the new relationship that I would like to obliterate, but find myself deeper and deeper in this hole I have dug for myself. Maybe someone should just build a house over the opening and get married on it's veranda, then have a couple kids so I would hear the pitter patter of the children's little feet that should've been mine.

So now, I have been handed a golden envelope. I am on the other side of the weed-filled garded; I am the one being pursued. By someone I am not wishing would pursue me. Attraction is not found between me and this certain boy. I feel like I am lying to him and myself just by talking to him. He is not for me and I am not for him. His is in love with the idea of me, and I am in love with the idea of someone bein in love with me. So so wrong. I've got to get out of this now. Good thing he is so far away...

I am messed up, can't you see? I also just finished watching the cartoon movie Madagascar. The zebra just wants to be free, but when he is, he realizes that all of his happiness is gone and he has to undo everything he thought he wanted. Oh, Dreamworks. What you do to me at 2 in the morning.

I really need to sleep. Hopefully God speaks to me through some seriously vivid dreams, those are always interesting. Hahahaha. All I want to do is wake up and smell the roses. And coffee. And pancakes.

Today is golden.

2008-03-08T16:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not entirely sure how today got here so quickly, but here I am. Tonight is the celebration of my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. What? Yes. The "Golden Anniversary." They THINK we're going to Grasso's, an italian red-walled restaurant and having little family et-together. False. We're putting together a suprise party at this huge church In El Centro with a bunch of the family (and my family is ginormous) and there will be vast amounts of food and giggling old people. Another suprise is that my grampa is going to propose to my gramma again and they're renewing their vows. Its really pretty cool, seeing as no one got to see them married and there are no wedding pictures or memorabilia. They were engaged and underaged, I guess you could say. Basically, my grandparents were like "F this, let's get married." And they did, secretly. That night, March 8th, 1958. So now we will be able to see an actually wedding ceremony with a veil, bouquet, dancing, the whole shabang.
I'm really happy for them.

As for me, I really just don't want to get stressed out. So far, today hasnt been so bad. There have been a few little poops trying to make me freak out, but other than that, I know tonight will be amazing no matter what and that soothes me a little. I'm also kind of freaking out about school. I was supposed to turn in these progress checks to CBU yesterday, but I completely forgot. I hope nothing bad comes from that, but I really dont need little mistakes like that this close to the end of the year. I have spring break starting weekend, and going for ten days, and then after that, I will have only about four weeks of school left.
FOUR WEEKS.

But I cant worry about those things today. Not today.