Oh, Lost.

This is a draft I never finished but think I should still let out, share it with the world.

Sorry I never got around to talking about the things I wanted to talk about. hahaha

still. its.. something? Right?

"You know, there is FAR too much to talk about.

I mean, really. I hardly know how to cover it all. But I will, one by one, I will update. I need this more than anyone else does. Here what I plan on covering tonight:

Summer school, Finals, art show, Twilight!, breaking dawn premiere, New York..., lost, cleaning house, Apples, nora, bdsw, vintage clothes, no T.V., why i lose things, iMixes, fingernails, mixtapes, books, whatever else pops into my head. (but not in that order.)

Okay so seriously. I am a little sad that summer school is over. Its never because of the school part, the homework, the tests. No thank you. But having that watercolors class was really fun! I like people, I like being around them, knowing them, no matter what kind of person they are. And even though the watercolors/oil painting class crowd was different that my usual, I still really liked being around them. Especially in the last few classes, we all got so close! It always happens that way. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN THAT WAYYY!!! It does. You know it.

And I'm a little flustered about my finals, they were pretty dang hard. I know I got a C on my geology final, which.. is NOT what I thought I would get. I knew like every question on there but.. that just goes to show just how much I think I know. 

The art show was really good, we all had so much fun just hanging out waiting for people to get there. For the first few hours, hardly anyone came at all. We all just sat around eating pizza and drinking soda and taking pictures and sharing music, and then BAM! A sudden influx of people around 4 just shocked us all and the room was full before we could say, "hey nice wash!" (watercolor class joke. weird that I even have one of those.) Marybeth and her Momma came to see everything we've all been working on these long six weeks of summer and Claire's parents stopped by too. I went up to my sketches and pushed the corner back onto the tape on the matting and a man behind me gasped in horror and said, "I HOPE that is your piece!" I just walked away not realizing what just happened and then almost died laughing on the other side of the wall. I was so tempted to walk back in there and touch the crap out of it, but I didn't. Regrets.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

I LOVE STEPHENIE MEYERS. I love twilight, new moon, eclipse. I love edward, bella, jacob, alice, charlie, jasper, every one of them. I cannot believe that I have lasted this far in waiting for the next book to come out. Breaking dawn. Only one more week from today, and I will have it in my hands! I'm not reading it right away, I am waiting until Courtney gets back from Europe to do so. I told her I would since she has to wait too, and SHE is the reason I am reading this right now. And alisha's reason, marybeth's reason, courtney gruba's reason, goodness gracious! So I will wait because I said I would! I am hopefully going to the premiere in palm desert, thats the plan. Although I don't know who I am going with yet, I am GOING! 

I think these books are unbelievably good. Not like the best books of all time, I have read many an amazing book. But they are well written and its not hard for them to get into your head. I also don't think they are for everyone, for some it is hard to read about vampires. I mean, right off the bat people tend to shy away from that word. But its not like that at all. I do think everyone should give them a try, just to see what I am talking about. Its not about vampires, werewolves, no. Its about a boy named Edward and a girl named Bella. Read them. Unless you're too scared... !!

So right now, I could be in New York City. Yep. With Courtney and Steffanie, sleeping maybe not so soundly because of all the excitement pulsing through me. But I am not. I couldn't afford it after all thanks to summer school not allowing me to get a job and my grandparents not being able to loan me money thanks to my uncle and mother who can't seem to ever grow the eff up. (Can I just say right now that my mother owes me big time? Not just for this, but this is the cherry on top of it all.) So instead, I woke up late and felt guilty about it. This being because when I asked my grandmother for the money, we ended up getting into an argument about what I do during the day--- well long story short, it ended up me trying to reason with her that what she was saying was nonsensical, but in the end still felt quite guilty."

...and thats all for now. Maybe I will eventually get around to telling you all about it..all.

Words Cannot Describe.

Well, what I am about to show you is somewhat ridiculous and the result of a conversation between Nora and I, yet again. This happened a few weeks ago, and for some reason, I haven't posted it until now. We were just talking nonsense, but couldn't seem to stop! So here it is, maybe it will make you giggle or inspire you in some strange unforeseen way. Sorry it's underlined too, I couldn't get it to go away.

whattdotheyknow: I think

whattdotheyknow: that if I were to climb up the mountain right outside,

whattdotheyknow: and scream every beautiful word,

whattdotheyknow: they would all fly to you,

whattdotheyknow: and settle into bed with you.

whattdotheyknow: because small things,

whattdotheyknow: little ones that your amazing self does,

whattdotheyknow: they grab my shoulders, spin, and stop. and they say "most people wouldn't dare."

lightsandtrees: i'm not really even sure what to say next. thats like an ending. you know? why should anyone add anything else. that made my ears hot.

lightsandtrees: hahah i wish i had a mountain to climb, i would have my hiking boots on right now. and i would just hope that all the beautiful words would come out right.

lightsandtrees: and maybe the words would collide in the air and split the sky.

lightsandtrees: and maybe they wouldnt. but we could try.

whattdotheyknow: and what would people think, passing by?

lightsandtrees: their eyes might start to burn, but it feels good to cry.

whattdotheyknow: we'll tell them, Brooklyn. why do we have to be shy?

lightsandtrees: well, clear out your lungs nora, tonight's the night and we'll never know why.

whattdotheyknow: Unimaginable. fear of the sparks in the wind replaced the good, and now they're not afraid to die.

lightsandtrees: lets make something of each other, forget the judgemental eye. raise a fist, look loose, straighten your tie. (why are you wearing a tie?)

whattdotheyknow: Brooklyn! Bury yourself! Don't shorten your supply. Love is all you need, as do I.

lightsandtrees: we're all high, a city in the sky, buried in the middle of everyones lost guys, in a pile of minced meat pies, taken from the sellers of expensive lies, we can just try, the harder to love the more worth it is to die.

lightsandtrees: lets stop, lets slow down.. that took a lot out of me. oh my.

whattdotheyknow: Dirty men in the bar on mondays, flexing evil eyes and drinking eau de vie. The dishtowel? Ah, it's semidry, but DUCK! Look out for the spanish fly. I can tell you're a spy, you're on the sly and in junior high you talked of william bligh and world war one. sickening, and real. feel it? feel it? quiet now! don't awaken the dead.

whattdotheyknow: love love love love its all i feel.

lightsandtrees: i feel it too.

lightsandtrees: people make me say it, that forlorn battlecry. people are afraid of that four letter word, they deny deny deny.

lightsandtrees: WE ARE FREE, NORA! FREE TO FLY. never ahead, never behind, just a rushing breeze in our cigarette eyes. we can feel and see and do, its what all the proverbs imply, can they just SAY IT. WHY. make a note, a tone, a buzz in my ear, feel it in my brain, coursing through my veins, it cant be a lie, its no margarine spread on my rye, its complete with hook and anchor, dragging us down to die. Right where we want to be.

whattdotheyknow: Your miraculous fingers change my mind. Mind to body, limb to ground, kick the stones without a sound. Skipping, losing, but winning it all. The peaceful things we make aren't our downfall.

whattdotheyknow: I love you, I love you, and I'll say it again. I love you, and don't stress on the bits and pieces of your violin.

whattdotheyknow: An end note, please? Before I fall over.

lightsandtrees: nora, i want to make you a house made of clover. I will build it stretching across our two mountains with the longest hallway, and four fountains. Everyone will see and wonder, what love has creates the most beautiful house where nothing bad happens and, with singing, there is never an end.

Still...

Even despite what I said before, unrequited love is so painful.

Especially when love is returned all around you, just not to you.

Its like being the only kid in the whole orphanage to not get adopted.

Do You Really Want To Live Forever?

Lately, I've bombarded with the fact that I have not found that someone. I haven't dated, I haven't been "heartbroken", I haven't fallen IN LOVE.

WHAT?

Well, I apologize if everyone is disappointed. I will try to put myself out there more, maybe lower my standards and date a guy who I don't even think is attractive or anyone I could spend the rest of my life with to make YOU HAPPY. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, but I know what I'm NOT looking for. But apparently this doesn't matter because it would be a tragedy to have to die alone. Right? Well, here is a new flash. I'm NOT ALONE. Nor will I ever be alone even if there isn't a guy in my life. Lord knows I want to find love, I want to feel it, I want to get married, I want to pour into someone's life in that way, sure! But it is not my duty as a human being, as a girl more specifically, to be "out there", to be effing flirting all the time. I talk to guys, I hang out with them, I don't live in a cave! I shower, I'm feminine, I know when to hold my tongue. I don't curse, I don't smoke, I don't drink. I can be loud, I can be quiet, I can be soft, I can be abrasive. I do what I do, and I'm fine with it. If no guys find that attractive, if no males out there in the world see me as someone fit to have a relationship with/spend their lives with, then so be it. I cannot spend every waking minute thinking of this, I will just take a note from Jane Austen. I will dream, I will write, I may die without a man, but I will still go out being me. And definitely not without love.

We Must Deceive Them,

"...so as not to hurt them. And in that way...we honor them."

-Dwight K. Schrute.

I actually didn't intend to post starting with that quote. But that quote makes me happy, and why not start things out happily. It makes me happy for a number of reasons, all of which I am grateful for at the moment, considering I just watched Big Fish and cried a great deal at the end. I actually forgot every single thing that happened in the movie, up until pressing play, except for a field of buttercups. I could see Ewan Mcgregor standing there, in my clouded memory, amidst thousands and that was enough for me to know I loved it and should buy it.

So I did and I cried. Its just so wonderfully written. I wish I could have written Big Fish, actually. I feel like I am Big Fish..

(WATCH IT. So I don't feel like a foo' for sayin that. Hahha)

Well, today was an all around very sad day. A blues day. Too bad I'm not really that fond of blues music. Its so close to country....I just. Cant. Maybe if I had that blues song from the Beatles, I'd be okay. Haha.

And now I feel really alone for some reason. Even though I am alone most of the hours in the day, especially the "wee hours" (there they are again.)  But I guess I just feel especially alone, then. I wish I had more family here at home. I mean, laughter, cooking, singing, running.. I like that idea of a big house. I hope I get to have one someday.

Stuck In My Head.

Taylor the Latte Boy by this lovely lady, Kristen Chenoweth, is stuck in my head! IT WONT LEAVE. Not that it's an awful song, I just like having the mental freedom to sing whatever I want subconsciously, not just this! 

You might know "The Cheno", as some call her, from her amazing singing and acting as Glinda The Good Witch in the Broadway show Wicked. But she's done so much more! She's got two movies in post production right now, and I am probably going to pee my pants when they come out..so...dont hang out with me that day. Uhm.. yeah. I also just found out she's in Running With Scissors, something I DID NOT notice, which is strange. Maybe because she plays a married woman who wants to try out being a Lesbian.... "lesbatina."

Check her out, I mean obviously if she likes boys named taylor who work at starbucks enough to write a song about it... She's got gumption. And we all know the importance of gumption thanks to the old man from the movie The Holiday!

So, today I am taking a mental health day. As I've learned from Carrie, the "Nanny" or whatever she was, in the Mary-kate & Ashley TV show, Two Of A Kind, that mental health days are necessary to one's...mental health. How wise. She decided one day to take a mental health day, and thought it would be good for the dad to take one too, since he was a such a workaholic. (why do people say aholic after everything. like chocoholic. I've never heard of an alco, or anyone being addicted to that, so lets just stop this nonsense.) Anyway, she took him to a baseball, at which he won a car! He was supposed sick with some african flu, but his boss was at the game and saw his face on the jumbotron! Later, you find that his boss wasnt mad at all, he just wanted to test drive his new car because him and his wife were thinking of getting one. Carrie then says, "WELL! I guess we could just call this Black Monday, huh?" I LOVE MENTAL HEALTH DAYS! I loved that show, where did it go. Maybe there are seasons out there I can buy so I can learn more from the wise Carrie.

Also, I am taking this day, because if I didn't, I would really literally be mentally unhealthy. I do at least 5 hours of homework per day, along with the four hours of class. Then there's my endless energy driving me to stay awake until the wee hours. The little hours? What? What the heck is wee hours. Anyway, I just need today. I don't have homework, I don't have plans. Just Me and movies and whoever else wants to join. And don't worry, I wont miss again. 

YESSSSSSSS.