Saturday, August 9, 2008

Me In The Present.

Actually the past.

Here is me right now, more bored than. wood. 
And I tend to look pretty unkempt when I am this bored. Apologies.









THIS is what I do when I have nothing to entertain me but myself.
Story of my childhood.

It's All In Your Head.

I think I have had that title before.

If not, it looks oddly familiar then for no reason.

So today was a very good day indeed! 
Starting at the very first moment of the day, meaning somewhere around midnight last night (I stop looking at the clock at some point in time and then look again when it starts to get lighter in my room..) 
I was talking to my good friend Nora on iChat, then the phone, and next thing you know! I am a part of this weird, twisted, and very hilarious phone conversation. Not necessarily a conversation. More like a pointless secret three-way phone argument. It was so genius and I felt at least 13 again. The 13 year old version of me anyway, I wasn't as advanced as most middle schoolers are these days. Thank you Jesus. 
But this "girl" who Nora and I were kind of... sort...of.. lying to? And plotting against like bigger versions of Pinky and the Brain (Her being the Brain since my comments about how to pronounce Ukulele right and hairspray landed me at almost below Pinky level, even.) was first Nora's friend, and then was supposed to be mine. An easy going girl, you'd think, would be on the other line waiting for me to make her laugh and next thing you knew we would be messaging back and forth on myspace talking about deep things and which bear IS really best. No definitely not. I was simply me with a little bit of tired thrown in and she did not like it.
Nora fought with this girl, this Alaskan she-devil, if you will, mercilessly (about me, saying she needed to stop being so mean to me because I had done nothing, NOTHING, wrong! and the meanness was getting the point of being very annoying and incredibly stupid) until Nora had the idea to three-way whilst I sat there, on the other line, listening, secretly muted and undercover. Yes, I sat there and heard Nora talk to this Death Eater-like overly-giggley girl about me saying that I deserved another chance because what was happening was mind-bottlingly stupid. Me. I did. Sometimes I would let out a little giggle and then jerk my hand up to my mouth in horror that she heard me, but she couldn't! Oh the technological advances of our time..
Now, I can't say I feel bad for all this. The girl misunderstood me weeks ago in our very first random three-way conversation on the phone which I barely agreed to no thanks to my lack of sleep and then sudden need for an impulsive action. I was apparently too sarcastic with her, thinking the girl, being seventeen years old (supposedly) could handle it. I thought we were on the same page, as most people that I have come across thus far in life have been. So very wrong was I.
Apparently this girl took everything to heart, everything, which is a very bad thing, and ended up calling me about every bad name in "the book" and hoped that I died. DEATH. DEAD BROOKLYN. HAPPY ALASKAN SATAN. Okay, sorry. 
Speaking of sorry, I was! I told Nora exactly that only after I had lots of time to get over it and realizes it would probably be very good and/or amusing to give it another shot with this girl. Nora obviously somehow found friendship in her and I thought maybe I could too, at least while the girl wasn't under the influence of anything. Not naming names... Wow, I could really go for a diet COKE right now. Hmm...
But, in the end, all the girl did was make fun of me more, even after I had explained everything to Nora over the phone with a little really bad acting and weird analogies to explain the misunderstanding, WHILE SHE LISTENED. Like I had. Secretly. It was all so fake and still, what can ya do? It was the appropriate measures that needed to be taken to get any say in with this, this GIRL. She's obviously a life ruiner. She ruins lives. And so therefore, with no further apologies or hatred for that matter (even though there has definitely never been any), I declare that I am over and it do not wish for so hurtful a person to be in my life ever ever, cough, ever. In the worlds of the slut demon, "I have better things to do, like go to the bathroom."

Hmm, I wonder if she reads this. Just incase, Hi Caty. 

Don't want to be rude.

Well after this whole curious drama occurred that left me on a high feeling quite like a mischievous child again (am I THAT boring? Eff.), I got a phone call from my friend Courtney Marie Watson. I love that girl. No really. Heidi Klum could do nothing in her foreign pregnant powers to separate us. YOU ARE AOUT. Wow, I didn't even mean to put the 'a' there that time. I just happened. (TTWS)
Anyway, the conversation had to end in my attempting at giving back a little bit of the great advice she has always given me. I tried, but probably failed in doing so with a shaky voice from walking around in a very hot living room and trying to get it all out as my brain thought of it without pausing for a breath. I think I even quoted movies and tried to imagine what a therapist would say. But then I just admitted to her that I knew she actually just wanted to have someone vent with her rather than have a couch session, heart-to-heart, "let's figure out what is wrong with you", finding-your-inner-self type of thing. Sorry, thats just way to Everly Clode for me.

Is there even an appropriate end to inside jokes? Please, someone tell me.

Then, following this, sometime around 5:30, I went to sleep. Only to have strange, yet very normal dreams-turned-nightmares until I awoke with sigh-type yawn into the screen of my phone which I was holding way too close to my face (even though it was about noon) and seeing a couple unread texts. Then the phones rings. 
"Hello Alisha!"
"Do you wanna go to San Diego?"
*very loudly laughter* "What??"
"I just wanna get outta here..."
*mumbling* "You mean like.. right now right now or like later like.. not now.. but today.." 
"Like in an hour?"

So then I tell her that I need to consult my money-giver, my grandmother (since I am currently unemployed and STILL A KID OKAY, DON'T GUILT TRIP ME.) and that I would get back to her as soon as my gramma got back from the post office/rite aid/wherever the heck she was.
Then I hung up with her and called my good buddy Ben. I think because he called me in the first place but I was still very very sleepy and only remember suddenly laughing at him a lot on the phone for no real reason: he bought a backpack that he thought was funny because it says "EF" on it, but then I has to sadly inform him that "EF" was for EF Tours, which two of my best friends have been on and another is on right now; he bought me a scarf; he bought himself a SILVER vest and at some point almost exploded upon discovering that it was reversible; him pretending to talk like a girl; him yelling at a fake nephew(?); me saying we could never have kids because when he would raise his voice while punishing them, I would start to laugh uncontrollably lowering the intensity of the moment; a lot of really weird things we always end up talking about. e.g. "DAAAAALLLEEE!!"

THEN! Alisha shows up at my front door and I still don't know if I can go yet! How the time passes by. So I get off the phone with Ben, and hurry to the front door to let Alisha in to see the shock on her face to see that I am in my "Wagner and CO" sweater and happy halloween shorts. :|
So I hurriedly get ready and BAM! We are off to San Diego at a surprisingly late hour of the day (3:30?) But San Diego was good to us. We had money and the curse didn't get us this time. Curse: You have money and can't find ANYTHING to buy. It can also happen to the average bystander, but instead you have no money and see more than enough things to make you materially depressed by the end of the day and a friend has to buy you Coldstone to make you feel better. Not that... that's... happened to me.. or anything. Uh.
And we have a wonderful day and enjoy weather that doesn't melt the flesh off your face or scream when you accidently sit on the seatbelt! However, I am very aware now that parking garage air is in fact NOT AIR. DO NOT BREATHE IT. I think I almost died in attemps to shut my lungs off walking back to the car. Hot milk. 

Wow, I haven't said that in a long time. And you know, its all thanks to a little someone who STOLE IT FROM ME! LAUREN TUCKER! And then made all of her friends start saying it and then like half the freaking school! Then everytime I heard it, I had this sudden gag-reflex. Its like hearing someone quote quagmire from Family Guy---"Giggety Giggety!" If you know me, you probably know I hate that!
Good.

And so now, hours later with lots of new clothes and a little mac makeup, I am sleepy and happy. Probably because I had some Nilla Wafers and those bad boys know how to brighten a day! Even if it is 4 in the morning when you eat them...
And now, I am off to sleep. I have a very important photoshoot scheduled for today and I don't need bloodshot eyes and an unfocused brain! Maybe too late, but that is a risk I am willing to take. 

More news tomorrow! Later today? Sunday? I need sleep.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

What Do Ya Say?

Let's leave! Let's get right outta here. I'm so ready for that. Anywhere, take me there, please.

Also: Please read Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs. It will totally change your perspective on home shopping networks. And through that, a variety of other things. And we all know something out perspectives need a little fine tuning (however, mine have never been so finely tuned..)

That is all for now, My brain motor is tired of running.