Anger Management Training.

I am quite upset with myself. Lately, I have come to the realization, slowly but surely, that I am turning into Andy Bernard. 

Now, one might argue that I am far too cool and level headed and am rarely a "Yes Man", because, technically, and mainly, I am not a man. Nor have I ever been. But all signs point to this conclusion looking at it from a scientific perspective. 

First of all, I have never seen Angela naked. Neither has Andy. 

Secondly, I sing in a choir. And at times, I am quite proud of that fact. I have also been known to sing rather loudly and in public, usually disturbing some quiet work place while I continue my harmonization attempts blissfully unaware. Also, I made my own ringtone on iTunes and sometimes I let it play just for people to hear how cool it is...

Thirdly, I caught myself saying "I'm going to punch a wall" today and it was NOT the first time. Honestly, I have felt like sawing off Phyllis's head with a chainsaw before. "Rreeenggeeengengeng."

Fourthly, I change the words of songs to make them say what I want them to say. 

Example:

Andy- "Oompa, Loompa, Doompity, Dawsome.." 

Me- " Let's get down to business...to defeat... NEWTON."

Fifthly (can I really continue with this -ly business?), I am a huge fan of Tuna. 

And last, but not least, (sixthly) I look things up on the "inter-web" all the time.

ALL SIGNS POINT TO ANDREW BERNARD.

And, even though I personally do not like the guy, I cannot seem to escape my fate. However, there are much bigger issues at hand. I am upset with myself, but what if I take it out on someone. Maybe I am also a little like Roy (God forbid) and what if I attack some pedestrians or a 7-Eleven clerk? Should I go to (Anger) Management training? What was it again--Personality Mirroring and Positive Reinforcement? Lord, why am I am the way I...am.

Here is the real nitty gritty. I am trying to stay up with my New Year's goals, and I have hardly begun to get into any of them! Plans are set in motion, but I'm just sitting here! Look how much of the new year is gone already.... TWELVE DAYS. I've got to get going, get up, ACT UP, ACTUAL REALITY, FIGHT--wait. Sorry. I've got rant on the brain. RENT. I MEAN RENT.

WHAT AM I DOOOOING WITH MY LIFE!

(Yes, I am over-reacting, but----HOLY CRAP. "That was an OVER-reaction. Anyone want anything from the kitchen?"-GUESS WHO.)

I know that we are butterflies.

You probably have no idea how inspiring this photo is to me. So, I'll just tell you.

This photo entitled "My Pet Giraffe" was taken by Kim Smith. I saw a picture of her on Flickr not too long ago holding up an issue of JPG magazine with this photo published in it. I had been looking at her photos for about an hour before that and couldn't believe that she had been published! I felt like I knew her and had just been told right then and there that her photo had been published in a widely-known magazine. Suddenly, I was so excited for her! And since then, I have been determined to work harder and get my photography published in the near future. And JPG magazine is one of the resources that can help make that happen. 

So every time I look at this amazing picture, I am reminded that I can do it. I can do what I love doing and be good at it. I can succeed if I just want it bad enough and try. I can break out of all these layers of insecurity and see my potential. I owe all I am and all I do and will ever do to God. Without You, I am nothing.

Also, a few side notes. The song "Cathedrals" = by Joan Osborne = covered by Jump Little Children = both good takes on the song = go LISTEN. 

The Fog.

"My car, my rules." - Meredith from the Office (on the episode "Women's Appreciation" that I am watching. Right. Now.)

Here is my recollection of my journey home last night (It's going to get weird.) :

Last night, I experienced a car ride the likes of which I could never have imagined even whilst sitting on the wildest dream cloud. Steppanie (what I called her during our trial run of the Office board game), Courtney (what the guys at the strip club call her), and Lucy the Puppy (what the "Others" from LOST call her) accompanied me on this car ride. No one could have possibly forseen the occurrences just as much as anyone could have prevented them. The sky was darkened and the night pungent with mischievousness and scandalocity. The air was clouded by the fog of the inland empire's lonely waitresses and ladies of the night dangerous and habit-forming deeds. The steam from the engines of trains blurred our vision as we entered the realm of the freeway spirits. All of us were so drunk with the perfumes of Riverside's night life, we did not notice an addition to our company. A fifth passenger was amongst us in the car, the most powerful of all things. Comedy.

Something happened, I can't remember exactly when. But suddenly, a strange warmth came over all of us, moisture collected on the windows' glassy surfaces and we fell into the deep pool of hilarity and ardent jesting. Once the fever sets in, there's nothing that can be done, but to attempt to stay alive until we have reached the other side... of the freeway. Almost at once, I began to choke on the sweet sting of St. Laughter's marmalade dancing down my throat. Hallucinations began before we could control ourselves and the ghost of Christmas Never joined our party in the form of the reincarnate President Ellis. Upon dismounting his staircase of despair, his native tongue got the best of him as we attempted to persuade him to leave our midst. But no incantation could relieve us of applauding him until he was finished with metaphorically boiling our blood. 

After a severe horror shock, the car ride was interrupted by the morally and literally blinded men on the roads out to kill the wild youth. Corruption corrupted the courtesies of couriers and we parted ways. I walked the best of nine steps, we hollered our goodbye's once again, and separately fled into the night. Even fear of not being able to enter my own abode overcame me as I gently trod towards the hearth. Another inhabitant of my home banished my fear even with her vagueness and allowed me to come inside upon bidding me "You got it!" via messaging using text that seemed quite instant, to say the half of it.

A unique night, I must admit. To be truthful, I doubt a night much like this one is not too far off from happening again. My molecules can taste it in the blustery night winds.