I Wouldnt Mind Meeting You.

you little sugar glider you.

You're Never Fully Dressed

so last night, I committed my first felony. 

I didn't think I would ever say that in my life, but once you hear what I have to say, you will understand. I haven't ruined my life with this act, but rather, improved my skills in handling a spontaneous situation of boredom. 

My friend Ben and I were awaiting the arrival of our friend Liz at a movie theatre in Corona (one that was supposedly non-existent..."It was 18, Ben. 18!") While we were figuring out a movie to see, he mentioned that we should go to Starbucks since he works there and gets sweet discounts. That sounded amazing since it was completely freezing outside, chilling us to the bones at about 400 degrees below zero. Or something like that. We go inside and before ordering find out that the movie to see is 10,000 B.C., or so we were told by a guy Ben knows from South Africa. Obviously his opinion is automatically boss. 

From that moment on, we continued to explore the outer regions of the theatre, patiently waiting for Liz to show up. No text, no call. Where could she be? Ben decided he wants to take some pictures by the fountain, so we do. A serious of strange happenings occur after this normal event consisting of confusing spanish for japanese, considering a job a sbarro, talking to the entire building of barnes and noble, thinking about walking over there, decided to drive, noticing its closed, trying to drive through a hedge, and then finally the happening of all happenings. As we're laughing imagining Liz arriving to movies only to see us not waiting outside the theatre but a couple parking lots away attempting to drive straight through a hedge, Ben says, "Hey, uhm, let's just like drive around and find something to shoot. I have a paintball gun." At the moment, my brain had been slightly unhinged by the amount of coffee I had just consumed and the amount of boredom I was dying to unleash on the world, so I just decided to do it. Yeah, let's shoot something. 

Okay, I can agree at this point that shoot public property with a paintball gun is a bad idea and, according to Tim, even though its not a real gun, it's still a felony. Oh tim and your pancake.. cake. 

Whilst shooting the paintball gun at a concrete wall, Ben drives by a plastic bag on the ground and I say, "shoot the bag!" and he does, also causing a salad to slip out of the bag. He shot that as well. Soon we exited the parking lot, discovering that Liz was, in fact, not going to be able to make it to the movies because the worship team practice was running really late (and not going very well apparently). We drove onto the freeway, and while listening to the adrenaline boosting Underoath, we decided to... shoot the sides of Semi's and trailers. I know, I know, I know.

But we did it nevertheless. Well, I did it actually. Also, I accidentally shot Ben's side mirror and the floor of his jeep. Such good times, lemme tell ya. 

Eventually we did correspond with Liz, just as soon as we got back to school. Far away from Corona.. hahhaa. We drive back to Corona to meet her at Denny's and we have a splendid time reenacting the entire night to Liz and taking pictures while eating an early breakfast (since it was 2:30 at this time.) Afterwards, Liz wants to shoot the gun too, since she missed out on the fun earlier, and as soon as we get to the perfect spot, one shot was fired, not by her, and the gun ran out of CO2. What horrible timing. I lay in the road for a little bit while while Ben and Liz take pictures of me, and turns out, when I lay in the road, I look like a fish wearing oversized shoes. Interesting. After all that, we drove Liz back to her car at Denny's and then Ben took me back to the dorms. Right to the front door actually. Hope he didn't ruin the grass. Haha.

This was not intended to be a confession, but more of a confectionary dwawdleedum. I'm not entirely sure what that means exactly, but Lauren is utterly sure that it makes perfect sense in all the right places.

Love in the time of...

well. right now.

I could really use some love. In any form, basically. Mostly in the form of company, I suppose. I'm sitting here reading for an essay I should've written hours ago and I'm starting to feel pretty alone. I know I'm never alone in the most literal sense because, for one, Lauren is only about four feet away from me sleeping like a baby...or a stump. If stumps sleep. Anyway, then there's the other side of things. I always have God right here with me, watching and hearing everything I do, caring for me in the best way every passing second. But it's human interaction that I need, obviously. The kind of love one person shares for another. 

I had a really good day today. I woke up on time, and got ready pretty quickly since I knew before i went to bed last night what i was wearing today. Also, because it's what I wore to the Easter/birthday party at my cousin's house on Sunday. So it made things a lot simpler. Then after getting to class about ten minutes late, like always, I sat with Ashley and Adriann and listened to Jeff Lewis talk about God's heart for the nations. He mentioned one thing that really got to me today, and I guess pertains to my whole feelings of loneliness. He asked if any of us has noticed whether or not that when people pray for others, they say "God, please be with so and so.." Then he went on to explain how if our brains weren't turned off prior to every prayer, then we would realize that God is already with them! And I probably looked a little awkward nodding eagerly in his general direction the entire time he was talking about this. I just couldn't help it, it was so true, It just hit me like a sack of cheese-its. The Hot & Spicy kind (which I bought this evening at Stater Bros. with Stephanie, just so you know.) 

So after class was out, I walked out into the sunshine leaving behind me my art class which I should've gone to next but decided to go to lunch instead. First bad decision of the day, but I can happily say that it's only one of a less amount that usual. I walked by the Caf and saw Liz, Hannah, Evan, Erin, Ben, and the whole gang. A hot bunch, lemme just say. And then when I walked into the "swipey area" as we all oddly call it, I see Liz bounding towards me like a gazelle. Moments later, she is hanging from me like a really heavy sweater and talking crazy speak while little Wanda watches in amazement. So, the plan is that Liz will go to class for about ten minutes, since apparently she can do that, and then we're off to the beach! I really felt like today called for a little ocean, sand, magazine-reading, and dream-telling. And thats exactly what we did! First we stopped at Wal-greens so I could purchase the latest issue of Vogue, a double pack of polaroids, and a bottle of water. After a brief "face of death" encounter with a hispanic lady at the exit/entrance of the store, we set off on our adventure. On the way, I get some things off my chest to Liz about her latest boy. (Not "latest" in the terms that the word is used. I mean.. the one she likes now. hahah) And at the end of the conversation, I felt that everything was much lighter than it was before and decided to listen some good music and dance. Once we got into Newport, I noticed that it looks a lot like Coronado and parts of San Diego. Liz has never been there, so I asked her, "Do you love it here?" And she swung her head down as if giving up even trying to explain how much she loves the place and replied, "Yes. I mean, I practically grew up here." Then I told her how much she would love San Diego. Plans in the making? Yes.

Once we got our quarters in the parking meter, we headed for the perfect spot. Which it was, except for the one time an umbrella attempted to decapitate Liz. And she was right, that sunscreen does go really far. Anyway, after watching a group of asian girls bury one of their own in the sand and then stand around to take no doubt pictures for myspace after, I received a wake up call and realized that I should be heading back to school. Before spring break, I promised Erin that I would help her with this solo project she's starting with our friend Andrew. This is all to raise money for ISP, I believe. Sometimes I'm a bad listener and a really good day dreamer at the same time, and that's just not a good thing. She's recording a CD of.. well, a lot of things. And I am scheduled to be a hidden track on the CD, doing a rendition of "Bootz", a stupid song about boots that I wrote about two months ago OR The Deuce Deuce Riot rap from the new student retreat which I am still pretty famous for. Either way, it should cause people to fall out of their chairs in a fit of laughter or confusion, if and when they discover the hidden track. So, as we begin rushing back to Riverside so I can be hastily dropped off at Andrew's apt., we discover traffic... everywhere. Bad traffic. And normally I'm a pretty huge fan of traffic, because I like riding in the car with friends, and traffic just tends to prolong that which is no problem with me. But I honestly do understand why people hate it so much. Today, I had to be somewhere and getting stuck in traffic was not welcome in my schedule of things to do. So after being an hour and a half late to the recording, Erin informs me, while I am still in traffic, that we are going to do the recording another day. And THAT day, I can tell you, I will not be going to the beach or anywhere that involves getting on a freeway for that matter. I really want to be a part of her project, so I've got to take all precautions. 

Then! On our way back, we stop at Liz' house so she can pick up a few things she'll need to use to get ready here at school since she left all of her stuff she normally has here at home. I watch a commercial for Nutrisystem and make a mental note that I should start that again this summer. We leave and Liz explains to me in spanish that we should stop by Subway on the way back to school and split a five dollar footlong. This sounds like a brilliant idea so I agree to it. It was in fact a good idea, and we got a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki footlong with all the chicken on my side since Liz' "Daniel Fast" isn't over for about another five or so days. Then Liz realizes that she really needs to get gas, asks me what she should do, and I just tell her to do it. And she needed someone to hold "the lever thingy" while she sticks the pump in. Haha, oh man.

Finally we get back to school, and I rush up to the room, because by this time I am ten minutes late for a small Bible study that I am leading! I walk inside the room to find Lauren and Paige chatting it up and breath a sigh of relief knowing that there was at least twenty more minutes of this about to happen. I sit my stuff down and wait for Liz to cut the sandwich in half and bring me mine. To be honest, I hadnt prepared at all for the Bible study and on the way over was basically panicking about what I was going to talk about. We do our Bible studies on the attributes, characteristics, or names of God. I've done Jehovah Jireh and Lauren has talked about God justness. Tonight it was all about how God is LOVE. WHAT! I know, why didnt I think of that from the start. Well, I really just read a lot of scripture, which everyone seems to like because that's why we started this Bible study anyway. Its not called a "read this book that this lady wrote and talk about it" study. Its not a "watch this video of a sermon and then answer the questions in this book" study. Its called a Bible study. So thats exactly what we planned to do. And what we have been doing. The Bible study normally only consists of me and Lauren and then our regular attendees, Courtney and Paige. Courtney has been busy with Senior things lately, so the group has been switched up a lot, which I really like. Tonight it was just Lauren, Paige, and I and the girls talked about boyfriends and what to do with living situations next year while I secretly prepared. Lauren proclaimed that she was feeling pretty sick, and with each cough came another even louder cough and another sickness complaint. Not that she isn't really sick, its just the process of getting sick that's funny. People always want to let you know exactly what's going so horribly wrong with their bodies, and what better way by coughing and running your hand over your flushed face mumbling, "I don' feew good." And Lauren just dramatizes everything else up, so why not this? I do think she's honestly under the weather, to finish this unnecessary point.

After bible study, Liz comes waltzing in reminding me that wanted to look something up on the internet earlier, and that we should do it now. We both saw a billboard for "Moonvertisements". Yes, like advertisements projected on the moon. We are extremely gullible girls, let me just tell you. We thought this was real, and started looking up information on it. We tried to find the website that was on the bottom of the billboard, and it didn't exist apparently. This should've given it away to us right off the bat. But we hesitated for a moment and continued the search. Finally, we ended up on Yahoo! Answers and discovered that our hopes and dreams placed in this Moonvertising were all lofty and drifted away from us just as fast as we had conjured them. Then, we decided to watch the T.V. show The Hills' star, Heidi Montag's, ridiculous music video for her song "Higher" which was described by the tabloids as a huge joke. We read the article inside while waiting in line at Juice It Up! and were stoked to find out that Heidi had in fact hired Spencer Pratt to do the filming, with which he did a horrible job turned the cheap video shoot into a disaster for Heidi's musical career. Liz, Lauren and I laughed hysterically at the video and at the spoof's and parodies made just after it's release. So good. 

Then I received a text that read, "Hey, do you wanna come with me to Target in like an hour?" It was from Alisha, and I immediately agreed. At almost exactly an hour later, she called me saying she was just outside waiting. So I ran down stairs and we were off. At target I saw my good friend Adrian's fiance. I had never seen her face to face before, only on myspace, so right away when I saw her, I didnt really know where I knew her from. I kindly smiled and walked in another direction. I hurried over to Alisha to say who, I had just seen and admitted that I should've turned around and caught up to her so I could meet her and introduce myself. But that time has come and gone, so hopefully I will get to meet her soon. After I got back, so did lauren. She had gone to eat dinner with Caitlin, her BFF and came in on the phone with Cory experiencing bad reception. I decided to quietly wash the dishes and then start on my essay. Then a girl on my hall, Stephanie, asked if I would go with her to Stater Bros. I agreed, and the look on her face suggested that she didn't expect that answer at all. She mentioned she had to get Cranberry Juice because she thought she was getting a bladder infection. You have to know, this girl isn't exactly very well liked by girls on our hall, or anyone she comes in contact with for that matter. She's very rude and prude. Wow, she rhymes. She will compliment something about you only to smatter the next few comments she makes with snide remarks about things she thinks you could improve upon. She also has a mom haircut, so she looks extra demeaning. But just because of this doesn't mean I would pass up the perfect chance to get to know her better by going to store with her. It was actually really fun. I made the mistake of prompting a guy behind us in line that he was welcome to set his stuff down because there was plenty of room. He then began to explain nearly his entire life to me and let's just say it got more awkward that it should've. Plus, the people of stater bros. banned together at check out counter #5 to retrieve a balloon attempting to make its escape by floating up to the ceiling and refusing to come down. Eventually they did it though, with a loud roar of applause and laughter following. I shouted, "ALMOST!" at one point in time during the capturing. I guess I accidentally got kind of into it. Anyone could do it, simple mistake. Hahaha

Then I came back here to my room, and sat. Procrastinating for a while. Lauren talked to me for a bit about her boyfriend problems and then turned the T.V. on and rolled over for bed while I sat here contemplating how much time would I let pass before I opened Word and worked on my paper.

Here I am, no paper completed but plan on emailing it to her tomorrow when I'm finished with it. But I did find energy to write this. I am so strange. Well, to whoever reads this, you probably should find some sort of hobby besides reading all my pointless ramblings of a day that was supposed to be pretty good but turned out to sound vaguely mediocre, at best. Good luck in all your endeavors, I must be headed off to sleep now. I will sleep soundly, and tomorrow I will try to make really good decisions.

Tomorrow I get to sign up for classes for the Fall. Six classes. Lets hope I get to walk into them in September.

I Go Nowhere.

Therefore, I've got to push myself somewhere. I can't technically "go" and then be "nowhere", so I must just not be "going". I'm slightly tired of the world and all of it's goings and since I am a part of the world, I feel like I'm going. Lately I've felt like I would much rather stop and stare. I just want to watch people make their dreams a reality while mine sit on the back burner for a while and caramelize. I actually feel like I'm floating. Every emotion is like a gust of wind, blowing me this way and that and every now and then, I gently glide down and rest upon the tops of high-rises and old men's fancy top hats. I've got to get my feet back on the ground. And run. As fast as I can. Mark my words, I will survive. Not only will I confirm that with passing college this year and the next three (or four...), but I will make something of myself. A great something. A something worth talking about. Even if you don't. Right now I am eating a slice of humble pie, and I'm pretty sure I'm allergic. But someday, I will be able to have a humble-pie-free diet. 

Out of Control

I have no idea what is going on anymore. I officially resign myself from citizenship on this planet because apparently it has decided to turn its back on me and go insane. I say this because a serious of occurrances have been layed out behind me, all of them connecting, all of them unexpected. I hardly know where to begin, or whether I wish to begin at all. I normally dont like summarizing either since I am known to be a most supreme storyteller and summing things up is not in my nature. Making lists, however, is indeed in my nature. But this week is nearly unlistable, since I dont plan on naming names and events. I am in a pickle.

Okay, okay. I'm beating around the mulberry bush. I'll get to the point. (one quick note: why does the rhyme "Here We Go 'Round The Mulberry Bush" end with "ashes, ashes, we all fall down!" It used to freak meout as a kid.) This spring break is the one to end all spring breaks. I like to call it "The Week of Like." Since the night before the first day of spring break, things have been falling apart. Or torn apart, rather. It all started on Thursday, my birthday of all days, and ended at 5 a.m. Friday morning. My heart was silently broken that night/morning, but there's not much I can do about it. Its the strangest feeling. Like anger, sadness, thankfulness, frustration, happiness, and pity all went to the roller disco and skated over me all night. No one knew what I was going through at the time, and I hardly doubt that many people do now. I felt so awkward, more than ever in my life. But I also felt it was job to not say a word. Not a peep. If two people find such chemistry in each other... what can I do? Unrequited love....
So I didn't say a word. "Best of happiness to you both" is all I have to say.

And throughout the weekend, updates have been filling my cellphones inbox concerning the new relationship that I would like to obliterate, but find myself deeper and deeper in this hole I have dug for myself. Maybe someone should just build a house over the opening and get married on it's veranda, then have a couple kids so I would hear the pitter patter of the children's little feet that should've been mine.

So now, I have been handed a golden envelope. I am on the other side of the weed-filled garded; I am the one being pursued. By someone I am not wishing would pursue me. Attraction is not found between me and this certain boy. I feel like I am lying to him and myself just by talking to him. He is not for me and I am not for him. His is in love with the idea of me, and I am in love with the idea of someone bein in love with me. So so wrong. I've got to get out of this now. Good thing he is so far away...

I am messed up, can't you see? I also just finished watching the cartoon movie Madagascar. The zebra just wants to be free, but when he is, he realizes that all of his happiness is gone and he has to undo everything he thought he wanted. Oh, Dreamworks. What you do to me at 2 in the morning.

I really need to sleep. Hopefully God speaks to me through some seriously vivid dreams, those are always interesting. Hahahaha. All I want to do is wake up and smell the roses. And coffee. And pancakes.

Today is golden.

I'm not entirely sure how today got here so quickly, but here I am. Tonight is the celebration of my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. What? Yes. The "Golden Anniversary." They THINK we're going to Grasso's, an italian red-walled restaurant and having little family et-together. False. We're putting together a suprise party at this huge church In El Centro with a bunch of the family (and my family is ginormous) and there will be vast amounts of food and giggling old people. Another suprise is that my grampa is going to propose to my gramma again and they're renewing their vows. Its really pretty cool, seeing as no one got to see them married and there are no wedding pictures or memorabilia. They were engaged and underaged, I guess you could say. Basically, my grandparents were like "F this, let's get married." And they did, secretly. That night, March 8th, 1958. So now we will be able to see an actually wedding ceremony with a veil, bouquet, dancing, the whole shabang.
I'm really happy for them.

As for me, I really just don't want to get stressed out. So far, today hasnt been so bad. There have been a few little poops trying to make me freak out, but other than that, I know tonight will be amazing no matter what and that soothes me a little. I'm also kind of freaking out about school. I was supposed to turn in these progress checks to CBU yesterday, but I completely forgot. I hope nothing bad comes from that, but I really dont need little mistakes like that this close to the end of the year. I have spring break starting weekend, and going for ten days, and then after that, I will have only about four weeks of school left.
FOUR WEEKS.


But I cant worry about those things today. Not today.