Finishing the Race.

I am almost done with my freshmen year at Cal Baptist. 

I can hardly believe it. I have today (it's nighttime right now, but I am pulling an all-nighter so..), a presentation in English and turning my FINAL RESEARCH PAPER. And then tomorrow when I hand in all my art crap. Not crap. Okay, yeah crap. And then, thats IT. I am done. There is one thing that will always kill me, over and over again, for all of my days (I think.) And that thing is the impending fact that I am probably two days away from flunking out of college. Not probably, in my heart I believe it is already said and done. I guess we will see.

There is also one tiny glimmer of hope. If I have in fact flunked out of college, I can write a letter to appeal it, explaining the hell that I have been through this semester. Hopefully that will work. If not, I guess I will have a semester at IVC to look forward to. Oh Lord, please. Please....

So now I must get back to my homework, and hope that my brain stays alert enough for just a little bit longer. 

Indeed, Your Heart.

"Any movie you can make fun of.. is a good movie. Automatically."

Just got back from watching a little bit of the movie Selena at Courtney's cottage with Steff. So good, reminds me of watching it with Marybeth as a kid. Our favorite part is still quite magical. When Selena's father, Abraham, asks her if she knows what is "in here", pointing to his chest, she replies with a high pitched squeak, "Your heart!" Its just.. yeah. See the movie if you haven't. Not the greatest film, but it happened. Its sad and horrifying. But heartwarming, still. 

On the way back to my dorms I got my daily verse emailed to me. 

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking."- James 1:5

And I did ask for it. 

Also! Saw the movie Baby Mama tonight too. SO GOOD. Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler should forevermore do movies together. 

That is all.

Okay, Fine!

I have decided. 

Well, that in itself is something. But seriously, I have decided. I am going to make something of myself. More and more I am finding out things that I love to do. I desire to be determined and achieve things, all for the glory of God. I am actually opening my eyes to what is important in this life, and I want to do those things! I have an immense amount of worries in my life right now, so to empower me to push through them, I am setting goals. Not only goals, but figure out what to do with myself. And find a way to do it, no matter how outlandish. Starting here and now. The changes wont come immediately, I just have to let you know I am trying. I am finally trying.

(and also I wanted to say that I am really going to miss Liz this summer and in the fall. But this too shall pass.)

My Brain Is Broken.

This research paper is literally killing me. I mean, honestly, I think it wants to jump out of the screen at me and rip my face off. Its kind of scary actually. And I think in this battle, the paper would win. I can hardly even imagine what its like for seniors right now having to write fifty page capstones (cough, courtney, cough.) I am not going to let this paper take me down with out a fight. So here's the plan. I am going to take a bubble bath and meditate over my outline for this motherf$%*)W(*#@((QW)... paper. And then I am going to come back in here and pound out as many pages as my little heart can handle. I will attempt to stay awake as I possible can. This is all that I can do. Wish me luck. The next time you hear from me, I will be far from this evil time in my life.

Pride and Prejudice

A movie that I am watching the last out of four times this weekend. I borrowed it from Liz this past week, and am so happy that I did for quite a few reasons. For one, I always tend to have a level of grammar a notch above normal after seeing it once again. Secondly, it calms me down. I am kind of like a rabbit when it comes to getting shaken up, in that I can be very easily. (Note: I do very well in the hot summer months, though. unlike rabbits. Thank the Lord.) I am a stressed out person, but I can be extremely good at hiding it. Procrastination is key. But, in the end, that tactic only worsens the situation. But that's another story. This movie knows exactly what to show me to lower my heartbeat and slow my thoughts down to a normal speed. I tend to feel extremely motivated when the credits roll after all that much needed relaxation. While I do seem to do less than most people in this busy world, I rarely ever feel relaxed. It's like my muscles are always tense and ready to pounce upon any invader of comfort. Irritability and nervousness set in soon enough and before you know it, I'm making to-do lists. But I pop that DVD into the player and take a step back from the long line of stresses and see what's clearly important and what can sit on the back burner for a while. Now, I can't exactly say that I have had many incidents where this movie has turned my weekend upside-down considering I only realized this entire idea a few days ago (during viewing #2). But I intend to check and re-check myself, and my grammar by watching this movie regularly. Who knows, before long, I might actually pick up the book and read it. Although that might require much-needed patience and time. Know any good movies?

take a gander.