Two Thousand Nine

There are quite a number of things I wish to state as my new year's resolutions and straight up goals for the coming year. I have a lot of them.

1. read 50 books. 

2. lose weight (who doesn't.)

3. read a wikipedia entry or encyclopedia entry every day to learn something new

4. read a new work in the dictionary everyday

5. continue learning how to play the piano

6. make good grades

7. get photography published

8. illustrate a children's book

9. make a penpal

10. get a tattoo

11. driver's license

12. get a sweet job

13. do NOT cut hair

14. write a novel

This is all I can think of for now, but I have a lot of pondering ahead of me in the endless hours of nothingness over Christmas break. I can't wait. :D

AW hELLSZ NAh.

Dear Finals Week, 

We've known each other a while now, yes? I realize this, and yet you still never cease to amaze. And by amaze, I mean make me want to jump off a series of cliffs into jagged rocks in a shallow shark infest cesspool. I literally hate you. 

I know, I know, I'm irrational. I'm acting on impulse, in the heat of the moment, right in the middle of all you give me. 

But while seriously, again. I hate you. I hate you with every little atom in my body. I hate you to the core of the earth and back ninety six trillion times. I hate you like a whole city made of junior mints and mushrooms. I hate you more than an eternity of hearing Quagmire saying "Giggety Giggety" at a very loud volume. I hate you the way I hate Gruntilda, the witch, and her cackle who appears when you try to end Banjo Tooie. I pure, straight hate you. And unlike Mr. Mantooth to Ron Burgandy, I do NOT respect you. 

I kind of actually have to respect you, or I won't pass any classes. But literally, I feel like you will be the death of me. I rejoice and long for the day I will never ever ever EVER EVER EVER have to experience you again. I will write you off to the next pour soul who must endure you and I will fight until you are abolished from this planet or at least Cal Baptist.

No, no. Our journey isn't over, finals week. It is far from over. I will conquer you and make you wish you had never been set to test this student at her wit's end. You have not seen the last of me. Not until I have seen the last of you.

After tomorrow, it is goodbye for now. Better rest up before the end of next semester. Have a nice Christmas break. 

Sincerely,

Student # 292098

I'll Hold Your Hands

Today, I gave my presentation in English class concerning my final research paper. I wanted to jump off a cliff, I was so nervous to actually present it. 

Here is why. I really have yet to finish it. But somehow, I got away with actually presenting something that technically doesn't exist yet. Completely. 

So, yeah. I lied, really. But it felt so so good. To be DONE!

And, to be honest, I was about to lie again. I was going to say that because I presented today on my research topic of Fear-Mongering and the history of propaganda, it got me to thinking about fear and what we fear and what makes us scared or sad. (I say this because, actually, if you think about it, what makes you sad, also you maybe could be kind of afraid of, incredible intense sadness. I don't know anyone who could say they were not afraid of having to experience that, ey.)

But, in all actuality, I just thought of one sad thing tonight while talking to Nora, and then eventually a whole list formed right here in my moleskine.

And here it is. Sad things, part one:

- the word "soon."

- when you find a really good song that is made of the wrong season (e.g. a summery song like "Breeze" by Apollo Sunshine found in the dead of winter.)

- damaged bird feathers just lying on the ground.

- dying flowers (depends on why they are dying, too. or who or what they came from)

- what people in China do to dogs.

- car accidents (never ever happy. ever.)

- having lovely handwriting at most inopportune moments (like right before you go to bed) and knowing that before you can say "caligraphy" your handwriting will be back to its normal boring self.

- listening to music for a long and then turing it off.

- the end of the movie Big Fish

- when you walk into someone else's home and the residents there are fighting and yelling at one another. And you can hear it. And almost feel it.

Can I Do It Again?

Can I make another Christmas playlist? 

Is this allowed?

I'm doing it anyway.

WARNING: There will probably be repeats. This is a revision!

1. All Is Well by Point of Grace

2. Peace Is Here by Jars of Clay

3. Twelve Days Of Christmas by The Andrews Sisters and Bing Crosby

4. Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing by Sufjan Stevens

5. Silent Night by Priscilla Ahn

6. Born To Die by Bebo Norman

7. Frosty the Snowman by Fiona Apple

8. My Only Wish (This Year) by Britney Spears

9. A Charlie Brown Christmas by Vince Guaraldi Trio

10. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Death Cab 

11. Believe by Josh Groban

12. It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas by Bing Crosby

13. Sing by Josh Wilson

14. O Holy Night by Celine Dion

15. Christmas In Dixie by Alabama

16. There Is No Christmas Like A Home Christmas by Perry Como and The Ray Charles Singers

17. I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm by Billie Holiday

18. Christmas/ Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

19. God Rest Ya Merry Gentlemen by Decemberadio

20. The Christmas Song by Aimee Mann

21.  Winter Wonderland by Tony Bennett

22. Christmas Island by (I have no idea, its from the Elf Soundtrack)

23. Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys

24. The Chipmunk Song by Alvin and the Chipmunks

25. O Come, O Come, Emmanuel by Enya

26. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Judy Garland

27. Holly Jolly Christmas by The Format

28. Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

29. Carol of the Bells by Thrice

30. Mistletoe and Holly by Frank Sinatra

31. Winter Song by Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

32. D0You Hear What I Hear? by Copeland

33. Baby, It's Cold Outside by Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone

34. Sleigh Ride by Johnny Mathis

35. I'll Be Home For Christmas by Holly Conlan

36. Christmas Windows by Youth Group

37. Last Christmas by Jimmy Eat World

38. A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

39. Christmas Offering by Casting Crowns

40. Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt with Henru Rene and His Orchestra

41. Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms and The Anita Kerr Singers

42. Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton

43. Christmas Time Is Here by Diana Krall

44. Little Drummer Boy by The Almost

45. Jingle Bells by Jim Reeves

THERE. There. That is all. Well not all, my real Christmas playlist has 163 songs in it. But these are the creme de la crop.

Reading Fish.

Okay. I read. I read a lot, actually. 

I am about to embark on a journey of reading every classic I can get my hands on. This does not mean I will not be reading other more modern books in between and during.. because everyone knows I love a good memoir perhaps written by someone in/fresh out of rehab? O_0

And as you can see, I am beginning with Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte (sorry, I dont know how to so that "e" with the two dots above it.) Why am I starting with this book of all books? Well for two reasons. 1) I saw it in Barnes and Noble, thought it had a cool cover and just decided to buy it. 2) Because Bella reads it over and over again in the Twilight series and I feel somewhat like Bella at times. 

So, why not. I actually had no idea this book had so much criticism surrounding it. The first thirty or so pages of the book are not actually the story, but explanations, introductions, and the like by many people including her sister, Charlotte (author of the first published Jane Eyre.) I also did not know that this book was written so long ago. 1847 to be exact. Emily wrote it right before she died at the age of 30 in 1850, sadly and ironically, from a cold she caught at her brother, Branwell's funeral. People died so young back then. Shout out to modern medicine.

But I digress (I've always wanted to say that.) Here I am, on the brink of Christmas break and I am ready to dive in to what has been called a coarse, pagan, demented, insanely-written, topsy turvy, most confusing novel of all time. I'm so ready.

Here's what I've read so far this year (actually since the beginning of summer, I can't really remember what read before that) and I recommend ALL of them to you. Except one.

1. Paper Towns by John Green

2. A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

3. The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall

4. Crank by Ellen Hopkins

5. Dry by Augusten Burroughs

6. Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

7. Go Ask Alice by (Anonymous, actually.)

8. Twilight by Stephanie Meyers

9. New Moon by Stephanie Meyers

10. Eclipse by Stephanie Meyes

11. Apples by Richard Milward

12. Indecision by I don't care because it was an awful book. (Maybe I will like it later in life.)

13. Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs

14. Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs

15. Pieces by Stephen Chbosky

16. Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

17. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

18. The Little Prince by Antoine Saint Exupery

19. It's Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

20. The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night Time by Mark Haddon

and I will be adding to the list soon with what is waiting to be read on my shelves right now:

22. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

23. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

24. Looking for Alaska by John Green

25. Harry: A History by Melissa Anelli

Also, Hillary just pointed something out to me. The Almost/Aaron Gillespie's band covered the song "The Little Drummer Boy" and Aaron is the drummer for Underoath. How cool is that?

Anyway, got any books to suggest, please do.

How 'bout it?

A Holiday/Christmas/Winter Wonderful Time Mix?

Sounds like a good idea to me.

1. Do You Hear What I Hear by Copeland

2. Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing by Sufjan Stevens

3. Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

4. A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

5. Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys

6. My Only Wish (This Year) by Britney Spears

7. Christmas Windows by Youth Group

8. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town by Perry Como

9. Silver Bells by Johnny Mathis

10. Little Drummer Boy by The Almost

11. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

12. Silent Night by House of Heroes

13. Carol Of The Bells by August Burns Red

15. Christmas In Dixie by Alabama

16. O Come O Come Emmanuel by Shane and Shane

17. Sing We Now Of Christmas by Barlow Girl

18. All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

19. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by John Mellencamp

20. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Judy Garland

21. Here Comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry

22. Baby, It's Cold Outside by Dean Martin and Doris Day

23. White Christmas by Bing Crosby

24. Carol Of The Bells by The Bird and The Bee

25. Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton

26. Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) by Death Cab For Cutie

27. Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms and The Anita Kerr Singer

28. 12 Days Of Christmas by The Andrews Sister

29. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by *NSYNC

30. The Christmas Song by The Nat King Cole Trio

31. Carol Of The Bells by Thrice

Obviously, I love Carol Of The Bells. I have like 9 versions of it. O_O

ALRIGHT. Get to downloadin' or whatever it is that you do. Just listen.

It's Kind Of A Funny Story

I just finished reading this last night!

First of all, I had no idea what was in for when I started reading this book.

And I hardly know what to say about it now! SO I'm just going to tell you to head to Barnes and Noble and pick it up. Yes, it is in the young adult fiction section (or something to that effect), but it is not, by any means, childish.

Give this and Ned V. a chance.

GO! NOW.

Directions.

Where am I taking this blog?

In all kinds of new directions.

But more focused ones.

I've pondered long and often about what I wanted to use to blog specifically for, and I have finally decided. First, I tried to think about things I like, things I know about, things that I could know more about, things that are legitimate, things that are important to me, things that are important to everyone. I want to talk about music, books, and movies. Everyone listens to music or has music in their lives somehow, and everyone watches or at least knows about movies. People, seriously, if you don't read (or don't know how...) please change that a.s.a.p. Certainly there is someone around you who can help with this unfortunate situation, if need be.

I have expounded on these many a time before, but now I am going to concentrate only on these for a while. However, this is not entirely set in stone, I'm just trying it out for now.

What kinds of music and what will I do with it? Just talk about it, relate it to a style, critique it, connect with it and connect others to it. I will make playlists, top 5 lists, any lists! I will go in depth about artists, who sounds like who, who is here and now, who is to come, and who really just needs to go. I feel pretty confident that I can accurately do this and do it good. Yes, I could have said 'well' but the impact of my improper word usage gave the right effect. 

Also, books! I read often, and with passion. I love when people recommend books and I'm pretty open to any kind of genre. I will be staying more or less away from the mystery novels that my grandmother reads, unless someone really realllyyyy thinks I need to read it. Personally, I miss Reading Rainbow, and I would like to make that happen again, here and now. There is a YouTube Channel devoted to this very thing, and I plan to take part in video responses there as well. (I might just post them here, actually.)

And finally, movies. New, old, weird, romantic, scary, disney, nickelodeon, indie, musicals, documentaries, Wes Anderson, Wes Craven, rated G and rated R (in most cases). I watch a lot of movies, and feel like all the time devoted to such a thing requires a bit of acknowledgement afterwards. I have a busy brain and a great multitude of thoughts and thought-trains when it comes to movies, and I just feel the need to share them with the world. And those who read this blog, mostly.

So, why am I being so broad. Why was it so hard to think of this? Well, I honestly thought of it right away, but I felt like I could never been good at writing about those things whatsoever. But then I really starting thinking about it, giving it some good quality "lets think about things before we go to sleep" time. And it all just kind of came together. I definitely decided that I'm staying away from celebrity gossip and probably won't deliver a profound blog about fashion or anything pertaining to it. 

But music...books...movies. They all flow into each other, one spilling into the next, never-ending. A book is made into a movie in which there is a soundtrack and the music could have been inspired previously by another book or movie and then people buy the soundtrack or download the song and listen to it while they write they own books and screenplays for films. Truthfully, there's hardly a way for one to exist without the other anymore. Or at least be great. I feel a quote coming on.

"Some are born great. Some achieve great. And some have greatness thrust upon them." -Channing Tatum in "She's The Man". I know, I know, lame quote. But it just came to me, I had to let it out!

Seriously, though. I will take each song I hear, movie I see, and book I read and taste it, feel it, get to know it as best as I can. And then share what I've discovered. And yes, I will be rather opinionated. This is a blog and definitely more than entitled to than HERE of all places.

So, here I am world. My new direction is exciting, fresh, undiscovered. I outstretch my arms and run at full speed. 

All I Have To Do Is Run My Mouth Off.

I wanna go on a trip. 

I want to leave here even for just a day or two and drive with adventurous intentions.

I want it to be a multitude of us, all with the same goal. Even if that goal is unbeknownst to us.

I would watch the world from inside like a 2 a.m. chinatown bus passenger. 

I would take pictures of all the everything's and nothing's so we may remember it all.

Also, that book up there is Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I am about to start reading it again, its that good. I just feel like I didn't get everything out of it that I should have the first time around. 

When I'm done, I'm definitely planning to contribute to the WeMissReadingRainbow channel on YouTube and make my own book review. :)

Seared in the Fire of Something New.

I haven't blogged with quite as much passion as I used to in recent fortnights. My reasons for this are vague and unimportant. The fact of the matter is that I don't wish to waste time in stating all of these reasons when I could very well speak plainly and move beyond. 

Also, I did indeed see the film "The Duchess" tonight, and Keira Knightly does tend to get into my head, at which point my words are more hers than mine. This happens all the time, so stop your thinking that this is any extraordinary occurrence. Excuse me while I make myself sound stupid again...

Alrighty. So here's the deal, comrades. I have to write a blog for my Yearbook Midterm. Not just any blog, a blog about something I ACTUALLY LIKE. Not that I am entirely lacking in the hobbies and interests department... It's quite the opposite. I love so many things, and hardly have a focus to speak of. I don't do just any one thing all the time, and much less do it to perfection or excellence. I do all kinds of things so how am I to pick? Well, eff. Let's just say it's going to take a lot of blog hopping and scribbling in my new molesk--- HOLY CRAP.

I definitely forgot to mention that I just started Moleskine #2. This is a monumental occasion in my life... and I'm already on page 15 or something, bro. I filled up a multitude of pages whilst interviewing Erin McDermott tonight at dinner (for my profile pages in the yearbook.) I'm hoping to get at least one finished per year, each starting sometime in October. I finished the first one only a couple weeks early and that's probably only because there were a few times I had to tear a page or two out.. Sshhh. 

Hmm.. maybe I could blog about moleskines? Or.. something.. like keeping a journal? But that might be ever so slightly redundant. Journaling about journaling? But it's so much more than that. I don't know, this required much contemplation. All of which I definitely cannot do tonight since I am well on my way to one of those headaches you get from staring at a computer screen for too long AND I still have to read more Midnight Sun. 

P.S. for anyone reading this: Thank you. I love you. Goodnight.

I WANT A NEW CAMERA!

So, this is an announcement. Not a rant, I have no time. (but a rant COULD be coming your way shortly.)

I want a new camera. I am going to be putting my old on eBay quite soon and I will post that link here and pretty much everywhere else I can think of. And in that time I will be feeling up many a camera to see which one is for me.  

END.

Fast Times We're In.

Where have all my days gone?

I have to be honest, I do secretly know where they go. And I let them slip away like they do, it's all me. My fault. I could very well use them to my advantage, but it's almost as if I don't know how.

I'm behind in some school work, I fell. But I am GETTING BACK UP. Because that IS something I know how to do now. I proved it to myself this summer. 

Watch out everyone, smart Brooklyn is back in town. She never left, she was just hiding.

Wish me luck with this week, it's gonna be a rough one.

Apologies.

I have been masterfully neglecting this blog here, and I take no pride in that whatsoever.

Just so we're all clear.

Last night, my choir and I had our second performance of the school year and a rather un-air-conditioned but kind and loving church. The audience was amazing, let me tell ya. And I hear they really only get better from this point on (seeing as WE only get better, too.) I absolutely despise preparing for a concert, but in the middle of one, I would like to be nowhere else that on the stage singing alongside all the bedazzled ladies in red and heels. Somehow, we are able to minister to each church in a way we didn't even see coming. And they minister to us by making the crazy-good food that they do so we can revive ourselves after a concert. We... would probably die. Or something close to it. 

Also, last night I shared with the world my feelings of the movie Eagle Eye: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOO AMAZING, I CAN'T EVEN LIKE BEGIN TO TELL YOU LIKE HOW I FREAKING FEEEEEEEEL SHIIIAAAAAAAAAAAA MAKES ME WANNA DANCE AND THE WHOLE JUST THING ITS LIKE JESUS AND CUPCAKES AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN THE WHOLE IN A TWO HOUR MOVIE, I COULD MAYBE DIE HAPPY FROM THIS POINT ON. OKAY, THATS FALSE, BUT I JUST AHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WWWOOW.

yep. I feel a lot of things, as you can see. After seeing the movie with Marybeth and some of her friends, I dubbed this movie as the best movie I had ever seen ("Which is saying a lot."- Liz) and I still stand by that (until shia makes a better movie, perhaps. But even then, I told Timmy that my face would melt completely off if there was a ever a movie better than this one. Hopefully I will be strong enough...) So last night, when we were eating after the concert, I told Liz about how great it was, and we decided to go see it.  She could tell how excited I was, and started freaking out because I rarely get that excited about... anything. Hahaha

And well, next thing you know, the credits are rolling and Liz is standing in her seat looking around for anyone, ANYONE who feels the same way she did about it (shock, awe, wonder, amazement, all things) and she found none! Everyone was just like "Blehh, let's get Arby's." Well, they missed out on the intensity in ten cities. I assure you, its... amazing. 

AND. What are the odds that I would see the best movie and read the best book ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT. Yeah.. I don't know either. But they are some crazy odds. Here is the best book. It looks childish.. because its a children's book. Hahaha but really, you won't know until you know.

Oh, What is Man.

That you are mindful of him, Oh God.

Well, it's like this. Once you're in choir, there really is no point in attempting to get any other song but a choir song stuck in your head. I am currently editing a music video for my youtube account that me and my roommates made, so I'm lucky enough at the moment to have that one stuck in my head for the time being. But tomorrow, I will no doubt wake up singing "Eeeevery time I feeel the spirit moooving in my heart, I will praaaayy..."

Not that that's a bad thing. Probably the best way to start a day. Much better than hearing a man's voice narrate your life...THAT was a weird morning. "And then she realized that 9:44 was the perfect time to get up. And up she got." Hmm, probably best not to really get into that.

I. WANT. TO. TAKE. PICTURES. I need a new lens. Why haven't I purchased one yet? I spend my money on many other superfluous items when I get in my materialistic moods (yes, unacceptable indeed), but not a lens, a beautiful Canon-crafted lens with which to capture moment after moment of my life. A rather lovely life, if I do say so myself. I enjoy it and I want to remember it, incase my life becomes exceedingly dull from any given point on. I talked to quite a few people I know that are photography masters/beasts/machines around here at CBU and they've guided me towards multiple options of purchasing the lens I need, now I just need some money...

Also, I have to be honest. When people follow me on Twitter, I feel kind of special. Like random people actually want to know what I do with my day. Hmmph. However, I do NOT feel special when I am unable to tweet from my phone. I just don't understand. There simple steps to be able to do this, why doesn't it work for me? So every time I tell twitter what I'm up to, it has to be me sitting at my desk AT my computer, for pete's sake. Sweet baby james. 

Here's another thing. I haven't been sick in the LONGEST TIME! Okay, not that I want to be sick, but I've forgotten how it's felt and...that's strange to me. Maybe I am a little off at this time of the morning and wish to really be sick in the near future, I kind of..... MISS it. Wow, I really need some sleep. 

I leave you with this--- God is very faithful and just. Two of the countless ways He is the greatest of all greats, to say the very most incomplete least. He proves Himself to be everything He says He is every morning I open my eyes yet again. Maybe that's why I wake up singing.

Me In The Present.

Actually the past.

Here is me right now, more bored than. wood. 

And I tend to look pretty unkempt when I am this bored. Apologies.

THIS is what I do when I have nothing to entertain me but myself.

Story of my childhood.

It's All In Your Head.

I think I have had that title before.

If not, it looks oddly familiar then for no reason.

So today was a very good day indeed! 

Starting at the very first moment of the day, meaning somewhere around midnight last night (I stop looking at the clock at some point in time and then look again when it starts to get lighter in my room..) 

I was talking to my good friend Nora on iChat, then the phone, and next thing you know! I am a part of this weird, twisted, and very hilarious phone conversation. Not necessarily a conversation. More like a pointless secret three-way phone argument. It was so genius and I felt at least 13 again. The 13 year old version of me anyway, I wasn't as advanced as most middle schoolers are these days. Thank you Jesus. 

But this "girl" who Nora and I were kind of... sort...of.. lying to? And plotting against like bigger versions of Pinky and the Brain (Her being the Brain since my comments about how to pronounce Ukulele right and hairspray landed me at almost below Pinky level, even.) was first Nora's friend, and then was supposed to be mine. An easy going girl, you'd think, would be on the other line waiting for me to make her laugh and next thing you knew we would be messaging back and forth on myspace talking about deep things and which bear IS really best. No definitely not. I was simply me with a little bit of tired thrown in and she did not like it.

Nora fought with this girl, this Alaskan she-devil, if you will, mercilessly (about me, saying she needed to stop being so mean to me because I had done nothing, NOTHING, wrong! and the meanness was getting the point of being very annoying and incredibly stupid) until Nora had the idea to three-way whilst I sat there, on the other line, listening, secretly muted and undercover. Yes, I sat there and heard Nora talk to this Death Eater-like overly-giggley girl about me saying that I deserved another chance because what was happening was mind-bottlingly stupid. Me. I did. Sometimes I would let out a little giggle and then jerk my hand up to my mouth in horror that she heard me, but she couldn't! Oh the technological advances of our time..

Now, I can't say I feel bad for all this. The girl misunderstood me weeks ago in our very first random three-way conversation on the phone which I barely agreed to no thanks to my lack of sleep and then sudden need for an impulsive action. I was apparently too sarcastic with her, thinking the girl, being seventeen years old (supposedly) could handle it. I thought we were on the same page, as most people that I have come across thus far in life have been. So very wrong was I.

Apparently this girl took everything to heart, everything, which is a very bad thing, and ended up calling me about every bad name in "the book" and hoped that I died. DEATH. DEAD BROOKLYN. HAPPY ALASKAN SATAN. Okay, sorry. 

Speaking of sorry, I was! I told Nora exactly that only after I had lots of time to get over it and realizes it would probably be very good and/or amusing to give it another shot with this girl. Nora obviously somehow found friendship in her and I thought maybe I could too, at least while the girl wasn't under the influence of anything. Not naming names... Wow, I could really go for a diet COKE right now. Hmm...

But, in the end, all the girl did was make fun of me more, even after I had explained everything to Nora over the phone with a little really bad acting and weird analogies to explain the misunderstanding, WHILE SHE LISTENED. Like I had. Secretly. It was all so fake and still, what can ya do? It was the appropriate measures that needed to be taken to get any say in with this, this GIRL. She's obviously a life ruiner. She ruins lives. And so therefore, with no further apologies or hatred for that matter (even though there has definitely never been any), I declare that I am over and it do not wish for so hurtful a person to be in my life ever ever, cough, ever. In the worlds of the slut demon, "I have better things to do, like go to the bathroom."

Hmm, I wonder if she reads this. Just incase, Hi Caty. 

Don't want to be rude.

Well after this whole curious drama occurred that left me on a high feeling quite like a mischievous child again (am I THAT boring? Eff.), I got a phone call from my friend Courtney Marie Watson. I love that girl. No really. Heidi Klum could do nothing in her foreign pregnant powers to separate us. YOU ARE AOUT. Wow, I didn't even mean to put the 'a' there that time. I just happened. (TTWS)

Anyway, the conversation had to end in my attempting at giving back a little bit of the great advice she has always given me. I tried, but probably failed in doing so with a shaky voice from walking around in a very hot living room and trying to get it all out as my brain thought of it without pausing for a breath. I think I even quoted movies and tried to imagine what a therapist would say. But then I just admitted to her that I knew she actually just wanted to have someone vent with her rather than have a couch session, heart-to-heart, "let's figure out what is wrong with you", finding-your-inner-self type of thing. Sorry, thats just way to Everly Clode for me.

Is there even an appropriate end to inside jokes? Please, someone tell me.

Then, following this, sometime around 5:30, I went to sleep. Only to have strange, yet very normal dreams-turned-nightmares until I awoke with sigh-type yawn into the screen of my phone which I was holding way too close to my face (even though it was about noon) and seeing a couple unread texts. Then the phones rings. 

"Hello Alisha!"

"Do you wanna go to San Diego?"

*very loudly laughter* "What??"

"I just wanna get outta here..."

*mumbling* "You mean like.. right now right now or like later like.. not now.. but today.." 

"Like in an hour?"

So then I tell her that I need to consult my money-giver, my grandmother (since I am currently unemployed and STILL A KID OKAY, DON'T GUILT TRIP ME.) and that I would get back to her as soon as my gramma got back from the post office/rite aid/wherever the heck she was.

Then I hung up with her and called my good buddy Ben. I think because he called me in the first place but I was still very very sleepy and only remember suddenly laughing at him a lot on the phone for no real reason: he bought a backpack that he thought was funny because it says "EF" on it, but then I has to sadly inform him that "EF" was for EF Tours, which two of my best friends have been on and another is on right now; he bought me a scarf; he bought himself a SILVER vest and at some point almost exploded upon discovering that it was reversible; him pretending to talk like a girl; him yelling at a fake nephew(?); me saying we could never have kids because when he would raise his voice while punishing them, I would start to laugh uncontrollably lowering the intensity of the moment; a lot of really weird things we always end up talking about. e.g. "DAAAAALLLEEE!!"

THEN! Alisha shows up at my front door and I still don't know if I can go yet! How the time passes by. So I get off the phone with Ben, and hurry to the front door to let Alisha in to see the shock on her face to see that I am in my "Wagner and CO" sweater and happy halloween shorts. :|

So I hurriedly get ready and BAM! We are off to San Diego at a surprisingly late hour of the day (3:30?) But San Diego was good to us. We had money and the curse didn't get us this time. Curse: You have money and can't find ANYTHING to buy. It can also happen to the average bystander, but instead you have no money and see more than enough things to make you materially depressed by the end of the day and a friend has to buy you Coldstone to make you feel better. Not that... that's... happened to me.. or anything. Uh.

And we have a wonderful day and enjoy weather that doesn't melt the flesh off your face or scream when you accidently sit on the seatbelt! However, I am very aware now that parking garage air is in fact NOT AIR. DO NOT BREATHE IT. I think I almost died in attemps to shut my lungs off walking back to the car. Hot milk. 

Wow, I haven't said that in a long time. And you know, its all thanks to a little someone who STOLE IT FROM ME! LAUREN TUCKER! And then made all of her friends start saying it and then like half the freaking school! Then everytime I heard it, I had this sudden gag-reflex. Its like hearing someone quote quagmire from Family Guy---"Giggety Giggety!" If you know me, you probably know I hate that!

Good.

And so now, hours later with lots of new clothes and a little mac makeup, I am sleepy and happy. Probably because I had some Nilla Wafers and those bad boys know how to brighten a day! Even if it is 4 in the morning when you eat them...

And now, I am off to sleep. I have a very important photoshoot scheduled for today and I don't need bloodshot eyes and an unfocused brain! Maybe too late, but that is a risk I am willing to take. 

More news tomorrow! Later today? Sunday? I need sleep.

What Do Ya Say?

Let's leave! Let's get right outta here. I'm so ready for that. Anywhere, take me there, please.

Also: Please read Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs. It will totally change your perspective on home shopping networks. And through that, a variety of other things. And we all know something out perspectives need a little fine tuning (however, mine have never been so finely tuned..)

That is all for now, My brain motor is tired of running.

Oh, Lost.

This is a draft I never finished but think I should still let out, share it with the world.

Sorry I never got around to talking about the things I wanted to talk about. hahaha

still. its.. something? Right?

"You know, there is FAR too much to talk about.

I mean, really. I hardly know how to cover it all. But I will, one by one, I will update. I need this more than anyone else does. Here what I plan on covering tonight:

Summer school, Finals, art show, Twilight!, breaking dawn premiere, New York..., lost, cleaning house, Apples, nora, bdsw, vintage clothes, no T.V., why i lose things, iMixes, fingernails, mixtapes, books, whatever else pops into my head. (but not in that order.)

Okay so seriously. I am a little sad that summer school is over. Its never because of the school part, the homework, the tests. No thank you. But having that watercolors class was really fun! I like people, I like being around them, knowing them, no matter what kind of person they are. And even though the watercolors/oil painting class crowd was different that my usual, I still really liked being around them. Especially in the last few classes, we all got so close! It always happens that way. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN THAT WAYYY!!! It does. You know it.

And I'm a little flustered about my finals, they were pretty dang hard. I know I got a C on my geology final, which.. is NOT what I thought I would get. I knew like every question on there but.. that just goes to show just how much I think I know. 

The art show was really good, we all had so much fun just hanging out waiting for people to get there. For the first few hours, hardly anyone came at all. We all just sat around eating pizza and drinking soda and taking pictures and sharing music, and then BAM! A sudden influx of people around 4 just shocked us all and the room was full before we could say, "hey nice wash!" (watercolor class joke. weird that I even have one of those.) Marybeth and her Momma came to see everything we've all been working on these long six weeks of summer and Claire's parents stopped by too. I went up to my sketches and pushed the corner back onto the tape on the matting and a man behind me gasped in horror and said, "I HOPE that is your piece!" I just walked away not realizing what just happened and then almost died laughing on the other side of the wall. I was so tempted to walk back in there and touch the crap out of it, but I didn't. Regrets.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

I LOVE STEPHENIE MEYERS. I love twilight, new moon, eclipse. I love edward, bella, jacob, alice, charlie, jasper, every one of them. I cannot believe that I have lasted this far in waiting for the next book to come out. Breaking dawn. Only one more week from today, and I will have it in my hands! I'm not reading it right away, I am waiting until Courtney gets back from Europe to do so. I told her I would since she has to wait too, and SHE is the reason I am reading this right now. And alisha's reason, marybeth's reason, courtney gruba's reason, goodness gracious! So I will wait because I said I would! I am hopefully going to the premiere in palm desert, thats the plan. Although I don't know who I am going with yet, I am GOING! 

I think these books are unbelievably good. Not like the best books of all time, I have read many an amazing book. But they are well written and its not hard for them to get into your head. I also don't think they are for everyone, for some it is hard to read about vampires. I mean, right off the bat people tend to shy away from that word. But its not like that at all. I do think everyone should give them a try, just to see what I am talking about. Its not about vampires, werewolves, no. Its about a boy named Edward and a girl named Bella. Read them. Unless you're too scared... !!

So right now, I could be in New York City. Yep. With Courtney and Steffanie, sleeping maybe not so soundly because of all the excitement pulsing through me. But I am not. I couldn't afford it after all thanks to summer school not allowing me to get a job and my grandparents not being able to loan me money thanks to my uncle and mother who can't seem to ever grow the eff up. (Can I just say right now that my mother owes me big time? Not just for this, but this is the cherry on top of it all.) So instead, I woke up late and felt guilty about it. This being because when I asked my grandmother for the money, we ended up getting into an argument about what I do during the day--- well long story short, it ended up me trying to reason with her that what she was saying was nonsensical, but in the end still felt quite guilty."

...and thats all for now. Maybe I will eventually get around to telling you all about it..all.

Words Cannot Describe.

Well, what I am about to show you is somewhat ridiculous and the result of a conversation between Nora and I, yet again. This happened a few weeks ago, and for some reason, I haven't posted it until now. We were just talking nonsense, but couldn't seem to stop! So here it is, maybe it will make you giggle or inspire you in some strange unforeseen way. Sorry it's underlined too, I couldn't get it to go away.

whattdotheyknow: I think

whattdotheyknow: that if I were to climb up the mountain right outside,

whattdotheyknow: and scream every beautiful word,

whattdotheyknow: they would all fly to you,

whattdotheyknow: and settle into bed with you.

whattdotheyknow: because small things,

whattdotheyknow: little ones that your amazing self does,

whattdotheyknow: they grab my shoulders, spin, and stop. and they say "most people wouldn't dare."

lightsandtrees: i'm not really even sure what to say next. thats like an ending. you know? why should anyone add anything else. that made my ears hot.

lightsandtrees: hahah i wish i had a mountain to climb, i would have my hiking boots on right now. and i would just hope that all the beautiful words would come out right.

lightsandtrees: and maybe the words would collide in the air and split the sky.

lightsandtrees: and maybe they wouldnt. but we could try.

whattdotheyknow: and what would people think, passing by?

lightsandtrees: their eyes might start to burn, but it feels good to cry.

whattdotheyknow: we'll tell them, Brooklyn. why do we have to be shy?

lightsandtrees: well, clear out your lungs nora, tonight's the night and we'll never know why.

whattdotheyknow: Unimaginable. fear of the sparks in the wind replaced the good, and now they're not afraid to die.

lightsandtrees: lets make something of each other, forget the judgemental eye. raise a fist, look loose, straighten your tie. (why are you wearing a tie?)

whattdotheyknow: Brooklyn! Bury yourself! Don't shorten your supply. Love is all you need, as do I.

lightsandtrees: we're all high, a city in the sky, buried in the middle of everyones lost guys, in a pile of minced meat pies, taken from the sellers of expensive lies, we can just try, the harder to love the more worth it is to die.

lightsandtrees: lets stop, lets slow down.. that took a lot out of me. oh my.

whattdotheyknow: Dirty men in the bar on mondays, flexing evil eyes and drinking eau de vie. The dishtowel? Ah, it's semidry, but DUCK! Look out for the spanish fly. I can tell you're a spy, you're on the sly and in junior high you talked of william bligh and world war one. sickening, and real. feel it? feel it? quiet now! don't awaken the dead.

whattdotheyknow: love love love love its all i feel.

lightsandtrees: i feel it too.

lightsandtrees: people make me say it, that forlorn battlecry. people are afraid of that four letter word, they deny deny deny.

lightsandtrees: WE ARE FREE, NORA! FREE TO FLY. never ahead, never behind, just a rushing breeze in our cigarette eyes. we can feel and see and do, its what all the proverbs imply, can they just SAY IT. WHY. make a note, a tone, a buzz in my ear, feel it in my brain, coursing through my veins, it cant be a lie, its no margarine spread on my rye, its complete with hook and anchor, dragging us down to die. Right where we want to be.

whattdotheyknow: Your miraculous fingers change my mind. Mind to body, limb to ground, kick the stones without a sound. Skipping, losing, but winning it all. The peaceful things we make aren't our downfall.

whattdotheyknow: I love you, I love you, and I'll say it again. I love you, and don't stress on the bits and pieces of your violin.

whattdotheyknow: An end note, please? Before I fall over.

lightsandtrees: nora, i want to make you a house made of clover. I will build it stretching across our two mountains with the longest hallway, and four fountains. Everyone will see and wonder, what love has creates the most beautiful house where nothing bad happens and, with singing, there is never an end.

Still...

Even despite what I said before, unrequited love is so painful.

Especially when love is returned all around you, just not to you.

Its like being the only kid in the whole orphanage to not get adopted.

Do You Really Want To Live Forever?

Lately, I've bombarded with the fact that I have not found that someone. I haven't dated, I haven't been "heartbroken", I haven't fallen IN LOVE.

WHAT?

Well, I apologize if everyone is disappointed. I will try to put myself out there more, maybe lower my standards and date a guy who I don't even think is attractive or anyone I could spend the rest of my life with to make YOU HAPPY. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, but I know what I'm NOT looking for. But apparently this doesn't matter because it would be a tragedy to have to die alone. Right? Well, here is a new flash. I'm NOT ALONE. Nor will I ever be alone even if there isn't a guy in my life. Lord knows I want to find love, I want to feel it, I want to get married, I want to pour into someone's life in that way, sure! But it is not my duty as a human being, as a girl more specifically, to be "out there", to be effing flirting all the time. I talk to guys, I hang out with them, I don't live in a cave! I shower, I'm feminine, I know when to hold my tongue. I don't curse, I don't smoke, I don't drink. I can be loud, I can be quiet, I can be soft, I can be abrasive. I do what I do, and I'm fine with it. If no guys find that attractive, if no males out there in the world see me as someone fit to have a relationship with/spend their lives with, then so be it. I cannot spend every waking minute thinking of this, I will just take a note from Jane Austen. I will dream, I will write, I may die without a man, but I will still go out being me. And definitely not without love.

We Must Deceive Them,

"...so as not to hurt them. And in that way...we honor them."

-Dwight K. Schrute.

I actually didn't intend to post starting with that quote. But that quote makes me happy, and why not start things out happily. It makes me happy for a number of reasons, all of which I am grateful for at the moment, considering I just watched Big Fish and cried a great deal at the end. I actually forgot every single thing that happened in the movie, up until pressing play, except for a field of buttercups. I could see Ewan Mcgregor standing there, in my clouded memory, amidst thousands and that was enough for me to know I loved it and should buy it.

So I did and I cried. Its just so wonderfully written. I wish I could have written Big Fish, actually. I feel like I am Big Fish..

(WATCH IT. So I don't feel like a foo' for sayin that. Hahha)

Well, today was an all around very sad day. A blues day. Too bad I'm not really that fond of blues music. Its so close to country....I just. Cant. Maybe if I had that blues song from the Beatles, I'd be okay. Haha.

And now I feel really alone for some reason. Even though I am alone most of the hours in the day, especially the "wee hours" (there they are again.)  But I guess I just feel especially alone, then. I wish I had more family here at home. I mean, laughter, cooking, singing, running.. I like that idea of a big house. I hope I get to have one someday.

Stuck In My Head.

Taylor the Latte Boy by this lovely lady, Kristen Chenoweth, is stuck in my head! IT WONT LEAVE. Not that it's an awful song, I just like having the mental freedom to sing whatever I want subconsciously, not just this! 

You might know "The Cheno", as some call her, from her amazing singing and acting as Glinda The Good Witch in the Broadway show Wicked. But she's done so much more! She's got two movies in post production right now, and I am probably going to pee my pants when they come out..so...dont hang out with me that day. Uhm.. yeah. I also just found out she's in Running With Scissors, something I DID NOT notice, which is strange. Maybe because she plays a married woman who wants to try out being a Lesbian.... "lesbatina."

Check her out, I mean obviously if she likes boys named taylor who work at starbucks enough to write a song about it... She's got gumption. And we all know the importance of gumption thanks to the old man from the movie The Holiday!

So, today I am taking a mental health day. As I've learned from Carrie, the "Nanny" or whatever she was, in the Mary-kate & Ashley TV show, Two Of A Kind, that mental health days are necessary to one's...mental health. How wise. She decided one day to take a mental health day, and thought it would be good for the dad to take one too, since he was a such a workaholic. (why do people say aholic after everything. like chocoholic. I've never heard of an alco, or anyone being addicted to that, so lets just stop this nonsense.) Anyway, she took him to a baseball, at which he won a car! He was supposed sick with some african flu, but his boss was at the game and saw his face on the jumbotron! Later, you find that his boss wasnt mad at all, he just wanted to test drive his new car because him and his wife were thinking of getting one. Carrie then says, "WELL! I guess we could just call this Black Monday, huh?" I LOVE MENTAL HEALTH DAYS! I loved that show, where did it go. Maybe there are seasons out there I can buy so I can learn more from the wise Carrie.

Also, I am taking this day, because if I didn't, I would really literally be mentally unhealthy. I do at least 5 hours of homework per day, along with the four hours of class. Then there's my endless energy driving me to stay awake until the wee hours. The little hours? What? What the heck is wee hours. Anyway, I just need today. I don't have homework, I don't have plans. Just Me and movies and whoever else wants to join. And don't worry, I wont miss again. 

YESSSSSSSS. 

I Love Icelandic Singers.

With a buzz in our ears, we play endlessly.

Those words, roughly translated from the albums title, are completely what this album, Sigur Ros' newest, sounds and feels like. I HIGHLY suggest you buy it off iTunes or Sigur Ros' Website a-saaap.

Here is a video (slightly explicit, but I think you can handle dancing naked people right? hahha) for their song "Gobbledigook". I really just put it up for the song, it's not like "HERE, WATCH SOME PORN!" Just listen if you must. Watch if you like.

More Summertime Listenings.

So, as the days go by, more and more wonderfully summery music makes its way to my iTunes and dives right into my heart. (I could get cheesier, just ask.)

And since the last post of the perfect summer music, I have discovered yet another 29 songs that fit the bill! It was hard to narrow it down, since I like most music most of the time and to dub a song merely for summer is quite the task. But I did it. Applaud... NOW. Thank you, thank you, you're far too kind. And I also have to admit, this one might have a few more oldies than the last. We shall see.

Enjoy:

1. "I Hear Them All" by Old Crow Medicine Show

2. "All Around Me (Acoustic)" by Flyleaf

3. "We Rock" from the Camp Rock Soundtrack

4. "Pocketful Of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield

5. "Do The Panic"by Phantom Planet

6. "Horses" by Broken Social Scene

7. "Each New Day" by Rose Melberg

8. "Jump" by Van Halen

9. "Gobbledigook" by Sigur Ros

10. "Love Love Love" by The Mountain Goats

11. "Funny Little Frog" by Belle & Sebastian

12. "Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop" by Landon Pigg

13. "The Yellow Ones" by Pinback

14. "Fire" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience

15. "Juke Box Hero" by Foreigner

16. "Your Song" by Elton John

17. "The Tide Is High" by Blondie

18. "Bicycle Race" by Queen

19. "One Clock" by Julia Nunes

20. "Solta o Frango" by Bonde Do Role

21. "Where There's Gold" by Dashboard Confessional (yes. I know.)

22. "Faces Going Places" by Jose Vanders (thanks nora!)

23. "Who's Gonna Know Your Name (666)" by Fembots

24. "Pursuit Of Happiness" by Nuno Bettencourt & Suze Demarchi

25. "You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile" by Peter Marshall

26. "Livin' In The Sunlight, Lovin' In The Moonlight" by Tiny Tim

27. "Creep" by TLC (I think I've liked this song since...forever)

28. "Goodbye Girls" by Broadcast

29. "My Beautiful Rescue" by This Providence

There you have it. Start Listening.

Oh! Yes, and if you don't have a Last.Fm account, I highly suggest you get one, and download the program. Opens your eyes to lots of new music and enables you to find others who like the crap you do. 

You Think You'd Know Me By Now

Okay, I have to admit. Life has been better lately. May days haven't been so disastrous and I realize how much I have to thank God for. Its...a lot. I feel like I've hardly spent any time with Him lately, and this breaks my heart into a million little pieces. Which is coincidently 

the book I am currently reading. The dedication page says this:

The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.

I broke something, Old Man

How badly is it broken?

It's in a million little pieces.

I'm afraid I can't help you.

Why? 

There's nothing you can do.

Why?

It can't be fixed.

Why?

It's beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces.

I've just had a down day, as some people like to put it. I cant find time to do the things I want to anymore, I just do homework. I guess I'm irresponsible and selfish with my time. Yeah, that's probably it. But I spent a total of 6 hours on homework today attempting to finish a long assignment for Geology and trying to focus on work rather than wishing I was doing something else (ADD?) So my plan is to feverishly work in the next few days and get ahead in my homework so I have nothing to worry about for a little while and can do things I wanna do! Here's what I hope to do in the days to come:

-finish sketching and drawings from the san diego trip

-get my new lens and take pictures somewhere

-start a new painting with my acrylics. 

-Start another painting with my watercolors!

-journal more

-finish A Million Little Pieces and start Twilight

-go to Seaworld (not really soon...)

-get my monroe again

-get a new hair-do

-write letters to people that I've promised to write letters to.

-buy a huge pack of polaroids from amazon since they are all disappearing..

-get my gym membership renewed

-start my video blogs! (I will keep this one too.)

-finally visit Petco.

-FINALLY go bowling...

Thats about it. Not too much to ask, right? I think not. But I kind of just want today to be over. I want to be joyful tomorrow and I know God will have a huge hand in making that happen. :) So, here is what I want to do right now. I am going to go to bed, after reading a little in my book, and fall asleep listening to "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the movie Once. But first I will tell you about Julia Nunes.

I found her on YouTube tonight, and she is brilliant! Portuguese, amazing vocal skillz, and hilarious. I immediately bought her album on iTunes, literally, right now. Here she is singing "Falling Slowly". Watch all of her videos! She's so talented, and like Andrew Bravener, I wish I knew her. I will keep you posted as I find new talent and effing cool people on the tube. Subscribe if you have an account!

I Want To Shoot Something.

I miss my cameraaa!

I went to target with courtney the other night to get a new memory card for it since THAT was broken, and looked my lens...and its bent. Bent so much that it cant focus. So, since there is not one soul around here who can fix it, I am getting a new one. That sounds good to me anyway, I'm just really impatient about waiting for it to get here and shiz. I miss taking pictures with it. I miss a lot of things. Thing I cant think about or my lungs seem to get smaller and allow trace amounts of life giving oxygen in.. That can't be good.

I am listening to Matt Costa and keep thinking to myself that I want to change it. And then I wonder why, because I love Matt Costa. And then I realize. It makes me think about those things I don't wanna think about for fear of suffocation and death. Matt "Costies" makes me think of school time and Liz and Ben and Courtney and Steffanie. The same sad song I've been singing for a while now. Sorry for being such a broken record...

I dont like summer school and wish to never do it again. Unless it's like my Watercolors class. That one is enjoyable. Especially with good ole Claire B. in there! Yesterday (meaning Thursday..), both of our art classes took a field trip and spent all day in San Diego going basically everywhere there is to go and seeing all the sights. We sketched things as we went along and I got some pretty dang good drawings done. Everyone said they really liked how I saw the world and that my sketched were really fun to look at (so says Mel Sparkles.) The most interesting part of it was how I realized that all of these people, every single one of them, besides Claire, I would have never ever known in life if it weren't for the curse of summer school at IVC. That just seemed so strange to me. I like the people though, they accept one and all types of people, no judgement...since I'm sure they've experienced enough of their own in life. Like mine. I'm so stupid sometimes.

And I would also like to leave you the link to Dick Blick's Art Store! The coolest Art store I have ever been in in my life! And in little Italy too, how much better could it be to get all kinds of art supplies and then have gelato right after? Well, Claire and I can confirm that it couldn't get better, and that no one should try. I will post pictures of my sketches later when I can take decent pictures of them. 

Tomorrow: 

-order new lens

-call Skip again

-call mother.....

-finish geology homework

-finish book

-Take film to Rite Aid for development

-transfer "arbortorium" sketch to watercolor paper

-attempt to use iMovie 6...

-Email Courtney W. back

-print out course syllabi to mail on monday. 

Peter who?

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I Was Made For You.

I was. I know it, probably now more than when you were around.

I told stories about you last night and remembered how great of a person you were then.

I'm pretty sure we would be perfect together if it weren't for your complete lack of respect for women (when you're done using them.)

It makes me sad how all those millions of reasons why I love you are now only reasons why I LOVED you and seem more like a checklist of things to never be again. Maybe that's it. Maybe I should have never given it to you.

Maybe we could have met later in life and everything would have come to life and felt right. But, now, it can never happen. Thanks to you, really.

On a lighter note....

HahahhahahhahahhahahahahahHAhahHAhahAH.

But really. It is very early on a saturday morning. and I am awake. As I usually am. I have accomplished so much this night that I can hardly remember it all. But now the time has come for me to shower and prepare myself for a lovely day in Palm Desert! Wish Marybeth and I luck, it's supposed to get up to 117 degrees there today.....

I Can Hear the Music Again!

MY IPOD IS BAAAAAAACK!

(I lost it, just incase you didn't know.)

And now it is back thanks to my friend, COURTNEY STEWART.

Oh man, what a glorious moment that was. 

And now I am updating it with all the latest music and it feels right. 

P.S. Last night, during the whole supposed bowling escapade, we actually went to Denny's and then saw IRON MAN (yet again. Still good.) And Evan didn't go, unfortunately he had some previous arrangements with his parents for dinner, and this happens quite often apparently. Bobby came instead and make the night definitely more memorable. Thank you Brett, for not letting us die.

ALFEETERSANE.

Baby Mine.

Okay, I am going to admit this.

I just watched this and cried. A lot. Not just a whimper and a tear here and there.

No, I went right into the "cry face". You know. The scrunched up droopy mouth and purple/red face with the whole wrinkly forehead action with the tears tap-tapping on your shirt. That was me for this near three minute time segment. I found it on another girls blog and she admitted to crying every time she's watched it. And I felt like I could handle it. No, wrong. I don't know what I feel when I watch it. Like all the sadness in the world just fills me up.

And it makes me miss my mom. I kind of know how dumbo feels.

Discount Meals Are Warm.

Something Nora just wrote for me. Over instant messaging.

But I had to.. "journal" it. Really, I had to.

THE POWER OF WORDS COMPELS YOU.

okay, surry.

It doesn't have a title, so I just drew that picture you see there.

Here is what it says:

Carolyn, or Evelyn.

Or even Gwendolyn. Wait!

Jocelyn, Katelyn, Marilyn, and Lewellyn.

(Had to ask Google for the spellin')

Where have you been?

Oh, dont tell me.

BERLIN!

Course, with your violin, of course.

And then.

This is when we begin to look within.

I'm not seeking a trash bin or a bowling pin.

Or a potato skin rolling on your shin.

Brooklyn. 

Did I reply?

Swim your seas but don't forget me.

Madelyn, Jaquelyn, Roslyn, Huckleberry Finn.

Continue.

Continue to search within.

Let whispers grab hold and laughter let go.

Abandoner.

Entrepreneur.

Sha Sha Shatter, hey.

HEY!

What's the matter?

Mix me up like pancake batter, I'll keep running back as you spin the platter.

But wait...

Do you remember?

You cant fly now.

Please.

Please hold on to your feather.

Wagner.

Did you run too fast?

In contrast, this is incredibly unsurpassed.

And it's our last.

Last chance to open it up.

Steady your painted cup.

And dive.

Everything you want is coming alive.

He's Treating Me Right.

Mates of State...

A Band. 

A Marriage.

A Legend.

These two crazzzayy folks have changed the way I hear music. Ever since I first heard them two summers ago thanks to my friend Timmy, no duo has quite come close to this one. I just can't imagine the beauty in being a part of a marriage that is so musical. I would love to have this kind of bond with my husband. To have our voices blend just so like theirs do. Thanks Timm.

My itunes hasn't seen this kind of Play Count since the dawn of the song "Maybe It's Maybelline" by Relient K many-a-year ago. Those days.. Oh. Those days. I think, within the last few days, the song "Blue and Gold Print" is up to a 99 count.. almost there.

And they have come out with their best album yet. I can't think of a song on it that isn't perfect. It is GOLDEN. Its called Re-Arrange Us and its available on iTunes. Buy it now.